Hoping I'm on to something good!!

[KFld]

I found some awesome information tonight, thanks to a good friend who knows of many resources. Now I just have to pass it along to difficult child and see what he does with it.

My friend told me about a website that offers all kinds of resources in CT for drug addiction, including a list of recovery houses in the area that you don't have to come out of a program to be eligible for and who also accept methadone/suboxone. You have to interview to get in, submit to random drug testing, attend weekly meetings, etc. etc. etc. Basically live a clean life and have a full time job to be able to pay the rent, which is approx. $135 a week and includes everything but food.

difficult child called me this morning all stressed out again because his girlfriend went back to her mothers and he can't live with this kid who is using anymore. He knows he needs to wait until he gets paid tomorrow night to afford his own hotel room, which will be much more then one of these recovery houses would be. He also told me he got pulled over for his tinted windows, no ticket for that, but found out he's driving on a suspended license. They took his license from him so now he has no i.d. to cash his check or rent a hotel room and has to go to court next Friday which will cost him a few hundred dollars I'm sure.

I sent him a text telling him to call me from work on his break. I will give him this info and phone number. Many of the places say they have a bed available immediatley, so if he doesn't want to do this, I'm going to tell him to just stop calling me. Either he is ready to make the right choices or he isn't and can continue to share a hotel room with his new friend!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Awesome!! The north is a really great place for addiction treatment. My brother says Mass is the best. He has been living in a clean living place for a long time and is just getting his own apartment now. He went through a very long program in Massachusetts and didn't pay a dime until he moved to the sober living facility and even then, they take a portion of the rent and put it into a savings account for him.

 

[AHF]

Can you share the address of the website? Thanks and congratulations.

 

[KFld]

AHF I'm going to send it to you in a private message. I'm not sure if I'm remembering this right, but for some reason I'm thinking I'm not supposed to post something like that.

I passed along the info to difficult child last night. He harassed me all morning at work to let him borrow money for a hotel for tonight because he has no place to sleep tonight and is getting paid tomorrow. I would not give in and he just kept calling and texting and calling and texting. He was begging me to call his father and ask him and I said no I'm at work, you call your father and stop calling me. So he called his father and his father gave him the money surprisingly and told him if he doesn't pay him back tomorrow to never call him again!! I asked him about the information I gave him and reminded him it's a place that will help him live the life he needs to live and will also save him money and he said he's probably just going to stay at the hotel. I said don't call me freaking out because you don't have the hotel money, car insurance, or money to go to court next week. I'm so done. He isn't capable of making the right choices right now, so I have to walk away and tell him not to even call me until he has his life straightened out.

 

[busywend]

It is a sure sign you are in a bad place when both of your parents have told you not to contact them. I wish he could see that.

 

[AHF]

I feel I've been through that "Don't call me next time" effort so very many times. And when the difficult child is feeling comfortable, feeling the next 24 hours are taken care of, the response is "Fine, I won't call you, I don't like you anyway." And then he's suddenly out of options and weeping on the phone and guilt-tripping me and promising the moon. And when you're the loving parent, the last stop, it's so hard not to re-open the door to communication on the strength of a promise. I hope you can hold firm, let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes I think we have to remind ourselves that our kids will die one day--all of us will die one day--so that we can't protect them from that eventuality; we can only act in such a way that there's a better chance they'll actually live a good life before that happens.

 

[Nancy]

They are known as "sober houses" in this area. If you do a google search you can usually find them in any state. We tried to get difficult child into one and they have a bed waiting for her whenever she is ready but she won't go. She could stay up to two years and they help her get a job in the area and she has to do community work and also adhere to strict rules and attend meetings. She would never make it though. They are great resources for people who are serious about getting their life back in order.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

My son is in one now.... I don't know how well they would work if you did not go through some kind of rehab first. I know the one my son is in is tied to the rehab place he went. I think the residents are required to go back to therapy and group at least for the first couple of months. And to go to AA meetings etc. I think they are a great option for people who have gone to rehab and then are transitioning back. My sense though, and i could be wrong, is that they don't replace going to intensive rehab.

 

[KFld]

soberhouses, or recovery houses can be great places if they want to be there and follow the program. My difficult child went to a rehab for 45 days about 5 years ago, lived in a soberhouse after that for at least a year, then moved into an apartment with a girl he met and did very well for quite a few years. They can work if you want them to.

AHF, I have also been through the don't call me a million times myself, but I guess this time he knew I meant it because nobody has heard from him in over 24 hours which is unusual. I guess he got his money for the hotel for the week, food and whatever he needed, so I probably won't hear from him again until that runs out. I started thinking today that at least when he's harassing me I know he's alive, but I have to believe that I would hear from somebody if something had happened. I just have to go on with my day and try not to let it consume my every thought. Not easy, but I'm trying!!