buddy

New Member
well last time the board talked about an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) unit and I found out difficult child's hospital is building one....NOW, if we can apply that to a mother child hospital....haha!

For me just having a place to express myself and your listening is better than winning the lottery. Yes you have helped many times. I would like you to promise me that you will email me or write here if you are feeling that low at any point. This really is temporary, but it is a long term problem and I do understand the stress and feeling that hoplessness can make much worse. I think first things first, you can not be expected to handle any of this when depressed. I worry that taking old medications on and off may make it worse (when I went off medications I found I had a rebound depression that was almost worse than the real thing, and my sisters felt that too). Can you please take a moment to go to the doctor yourself and ask for a full script of your medication, OR if that is nto working...a new medication. THen, realize you are depressed and it is an illness, not a character flaw that means you need to leave the situation. You DO need a break and they need to know that you need help as well as your son. I think you do so well they may not know how much you are suffering. Andby the way, I have had students who are in foster care not because their parents gave them up or because of any child protection issue, just for the reason that the family needed them in a more therapeutic setting given their circumstances. They are still the parents! They are just parenting in a different way. If you really feel that.... Now you will have a whole new staff....ask them what other parents do when their kids act so totally different at home, and it is dangerous, and your family is falling apart. IT is not like you are not compliant, you WANT the help, you have told them many times....you will accept whatever they offer so come on folks...

You now make me admire you even more because you are doing this even when you yourself are not well... It is ok to admit that because it is not within your control. You can get better. Many of us here have been depressed or are depressed. I care.
 

Steely

Active Member
Crystal - have you read The Explosive Child? Or maybe you can even look Dr Greene up online? His technique is amazing and one we all use here on the board.
Right now difficult child is going to test your every action - and you need to choose A, B, or C basket into which you put your requests in. For example - I would not worry right now about him doing too many chores. You need to just stay simple. I would focus on the basic necessities, going to school, and being respectful. Period. Start him off with those 2 things - and if he is successful - move on. He is looking for a fight - and the key is not to have one available for him. It sounds like this would be spoiling him - but you are not - you are disengaging the fight pattern.
There are some old threads here about this concept, and if you started a new thread, I bet others would also chime in. It truly is the only thing that ever worked for Matt. He is 21 and I still practice this concept when I am around him -
 

Crystal72

New Member
I know and thanks. I have this stubbornness in me that I don't give up. It's true nobody can feel I m hurting inside by the way they see me. I still function normally. I still chat with parents when I m picking my 6 years old Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified up. It's the time when silence falls, the ghosts want to take control. If you know what I mean. So I keep going and going but exhaustion comes to me sometimes.
But I promise you, I will remind myself that whenever I need a friend, I got plenty here. Or like you say, ramada is cheaper than mommy psychiatric hospital lol
 
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Liahona

Guest
I have no answers. Have you heard back from the insurance lady about respite? Just sending sympathy and hugs.:hugs:
 

Crystal72

New Member
How do I get sleep if all I get when I closed my eyes is nightmare? I just got woken up dreaming of losing difficult child 1 in a earthquake. I can feel myself literally shaking
 

buddy

New Member
How do I get sleep if all I get when I closed my eyes is nightmare? I just got woken up dreaming of losing difficult child 1 in a earthquake. I can feel myself literally shaking
Crazy that we have so many similarities. I had a thread here maybe a month ago about a nightmare that was just awful. I actually posted the dream because it was so upsetting, I was being forced to give up my organs to someone else who needed them...it was funny to say out loud but felt terrible. Someone here suggested writing the dream down and if more happened to do that. I did that for a couple of nights and I haven't needed to now, I haven't really remembered my dreams for a while lately. It really helped me to do that, kind of helped me let it go. I don't know if it would help you, but I took the suggestion and tried it. It just worked at that time anyway. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out either of our dreams. I bet many here can relate. Your dream seems similar to what you have been saying in your posts....your whole life feels like it is shaking apart. But self talk: you are ok, the kids are ok, hubby is ok and you are going to call your doctor on monday to get some help with this difficult mood and the pressure you are under. When my mind spins too much, I leave my tv on or a radio while i am sleeping. Some people hate that, I like that I focus on that instead of my own perseverative thoughts.
 
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Liahona

Guest
Here I was hoping you'd be asleep.

Don't know if you are religious. But when I'm so anxious I can't sleep it has helped me to think of being held by God while I go to sleep.

I don't have a doctor either. In fact I'm the only one in the family with out insurance.:916blusher: Taking care of ourselves gets put on the back burner until we're about ready to fall apart. I think you might be reaching the fall apart stage.

Does your husband have tomorrow off? Could he watch a movie with the kids (just make sure everyone stays alive and away from you for 2 hours) while you rest? Sometimes mine can do this (and other times husband wanders off and the kids come wake me up- like today).
 

Crystal72

New Member
My insurance is as good as none. High deductible high copay Hugh percentile after deductible reached. And not many provider around here.

My husband usually take the kids away Saturday morning to do something and Sunday afternoon for a few hours. Today dropping off my daughter for SAT, difficult child 1 for partial and difficult child 2 for social class. We are left alOne for a couple hours.

About God. I want to be honest here. He and I haven't seen eye to eye since my childhood. I grew up in a family that my mom hated me and my dad doesn't protect me. Ok that makes the protective mom I m today. And giving me 2 boys with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and wouldn't give me services even I fought for that over 3 years. It's always denied denied denied.
So I have my resentment with God.

The only thing i pray for him to do is, please no more fatality in the war front. No parent should lose their kids, no spouses should lose their spouses and no kids should lose their parent.
 

Crystal72

New Member
Buddy, another similarity : leaving tv or radio on while sleep so I couldn't hear my brain think.

I just took my lorezepram to knock me out. It works till my dogs licked me up at 6 with lots of cold wet love
 

buddy

New Member
Well, there is another similarity Crystal. I have to work hard on my faith. and I have no opinions about how people find their strength or define their higher power. Since I was a child I have always told my family (No one told me any of this, just mho as a small kid) that it really doesn't matter what words we use to call God. I think he knows he has lots of nicknames. I know many will disagree with me and feel there is only one path etc. I am not interested in starting a debate on any of it. What is important to me is that I have a place to find some comfort and answers and everyone needs that in some form. I really struggle with why an innocent child would ever have to suffer a road like this. I can barely see my screen when I type and think of this.
 

Crystal72

New Member
Well, we both find our comfort in here somehow right? That's one positive
And another positive is, our children find their way to us, and not to another mom who doesn't fight for them

You see? When I get some sleep, I am actually like a SUV that's tuned and filled lol
 
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