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How can we help our son?
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 761257" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Pepper so sorry to hear of your families troubles. It certainly does sound like your son has a mental illness. It could be drug induced but since he switched from massive amounts of pot to massive amounts of beer and he's having the same issues it's most likely genetic. Is he adopted? If so, do you have any info on the bi-parents? If not, is there a history in yours or your husbands family? Knowing this genic info right now probably won't help a whole lot but down the road it could. If he has a genetic predisposition to mental illness then if/when he decides to help himself concentrating on the mental health side is important, substance somewhat lesser, kind of, too much to say that you don't need to hear right now on this. </p><p></p><p>You knew to send the mental health mobile crises unit to the hotel, so you have a leg up on a lot of people. He on the other hand knows the words to say to keep them from putting him on a 5150, Baker act, 72 hour hold. I do think he needs a hospitalization but really a 72 hour hold doesn't do much if they don't follow up with an IOP program. My son had many 72 hour holds and then graduated to a week and a half a couple of times when he finally, aside from the hospitalizations, decided to deal with the reality of his situation. He has a mental illness, he is not a mental illness as he was afraid of, but he knows it will take over if he doesn't keep moving to take care of himself these days. </p><p></p><p>That stuff, those horrible words coming from your son, are not about you as you already know. He projects and he says jaw dropping things to you and about you to relatives because he needs someone to blame right now, I've had the same. No way you should accept that, and to block him on your part as long as his father has a way for him to communicate with him I think is really good. For now maybe you can talk to the relatives who he's reaching out to and ask them to stop taking any communications from him. I had the same, calls to my friends, my family, from my son "explaining" how horrible I was to him as he was growing up, except they were there and saw how different it was, he got shut down, compassionately, but was very frustrated. On my son's father's side, I know there was some playing along with what he said about me, from idiots, people who should have known better from their own experiences with mental illness in that family. I've developed a thick skin on that bit, don't care one whit what they think of me. They should really know better and if they haven't figured it out by these days too bad, I don't care, want nothing to do with them and their drama. </p><p></p><p>It seems like COVID caused your son to become isolated, as it has many people, and caused so many mental issues for people. Also the loss of a good friend of his. We don't know how being hit in the face with mortality affects people but if it they can't process it in a healthy way it could really mess them up. But prior ~ he excelled in school, held down a part time job and went to college for a year. Very good signs of some success in his life. Not having success with friendships in early years, especially if he is on the autism spectrum, is no indication of how well rounded and content someone will be as an adult. </p><p></p><p>How to help your son, though, the main dilemma. The problem is you can't, not until he decides he needs help. My son proved that to me for 10 long, very painful years. I think though if there was someone in my son's life who he would have listened to, someone who was not as invested in him as I was (worrying and on top of him all of the time) and not as bullying, through guilt, as his father was, someone who was "less than" we were to his ego it would have really helped him. Is there someone in your son's life who can talk to him and get through to him? A calming, non judgmental person who can say "you're messing up right now, you need help, and you know it. Get the help to put yourself back on track or continue on this hamster wheel until you can't stand it any longer if you insist. But I will help you help yourself when you are ready, won't do it for you though, it's up to you, whenever you are ready"? If he has someone like that in his life I think they might be able to help him find his path.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 761257, member: 22840"] Pepper so sorry to hear of your families troubles. It certainly does sound like your son has a mental illness. It could be drug induced but since he switched from massive amounts of pot to massive amounts of beer and he's having the same issues it's most likely genetic. Is he adopted? If so, do you have any info on the bi-parents? If not, is there a history in yours or your husbands family? Knowing this genic info right now probably won't help a whole lot but down the road it could. If he has a genetic predisposition to mental illness then if/when he decides to help himself concentrating on the mental health side is important, substance somewhat lesser, kind of, too much to say that you don't need to hear right now on this. You knew to send the mental health mobile crises unit to the hotel, so you have a leg up on a lot of people. He on the other hand knows the words to say to keep them from putting him on a 5150, Baker act, 72 hour hold. I do think he needs a hospitalization but really a 72 hour hold doesn't do much if they don't follow up with an IOP program. My son had many 72 hour holds and then graduated to a week and a half a couple of times when he finally, aside from the hospitalizations, decided to deal with the reality of his situation. He has a mental illness, he is not a mental illness as he was afraid of, but he knows it will take over if he doesn't keep moving to take care of himself these days. That stuff, those horrible words coming from your son, are not about you as you already know. He projects and he says jaw dropping things to you and about you to relatives because he needs someone to blame right now, I've had the same. No way you should accept that, and to block him on your part as long as his father has a way for him to communicate with him I think is really good. For now maybe you can talk to the relatives who he's reaching out to and ask them to stop taking any communications from him. I had the same, calls to my friends, my family, from my son "explaining" how horrible I was to him as he was growing up, except they were there and saw how different it was, he got shut down, compassionately, but was very frustrated. On my son's father's side, I know there was some playing along with what he said about me, from idiots, people who should have known better from their own experiences with mental illness in that family. I've developed a thick skin on that bit, don't care one whit what they think of me. They should really know better and if they haven't figured it out by these days too bad, I don't care, want nothing to do with them and their drama. It seems like COVID caused your son to become isolated, as it has many people, and caused so many mental issues for people. Also the loss of a good friend of his. We don't know how being hit in the face with mortality affects people but if it they can't process it in a healthy way it could really mess them up. But prior ~ he excelled in school, held down a part time job and went to college for a year. Very good signs of some success in his life. Not having success with friendships in early years, especially if he is on the autism spectrum, is no indication of how well rounded and content someone will be as an adult. How to help your son, though, the main dilemma. The problem is you can't, not until he decides he needs help. My son proved that to me for 10 long, very painful years. I think though if there was someone in my son's life who he would have listened to, someone who was not as invested in him as I was (worrying and on top of him all of the time) and not as bullying, through guilt, as his father was, someone who was "less than" we were to his ego it would have really helped him. Is there someone in your son's life who can talk to him and get through to him? A calming, non judgmental person who can say "you're messing up right now, you need help, and you know it. Get the help to put yourself back on track or continue on this hamster wheel until you can't stand it any longer if you insist. But I will help you help yourself when you are ready, won't do it for you though, it's up to you, whenever you are ready"? If he has someone like that in his life I think they might be able to help him find his path. [/QUOTE]
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