How does someone with a felony find housing?

[Elsi]

I'm back in contact with C - at least I was yesterday - and he is frustrated and discouraged. I have told him he cannot stay here, but I will help him with deposit and one month's rent someplace where he will be able to get to a job and sustain it on his own. I told him this is a one time offer - he has to sink or swim after this, and I will not be doing this again.

He says he is trying to find places to stay but they all do background checks. He has a 5-year old felony domestic violence conviction that involved a short prison stay. He says this locks him out of about any housing option he can find.

We did check into sober living options together, but they all seem to have waiting periods of several months. It's going to start getting very cold here in a couple of months. He can't be on the streets for months waiting for a sober living bed to become available, even if he's accepted. The re-entry programs for convicted felons all seem to be geared towards new releases, not someone who has been out for several years.

He's burned through all his couch surfing options. Having him here isn't viable and would be unfair to my partner, who didn't sign up for this. I don't really want to be a co-signer on a place for him, either.

But...I have no idea what to advise him to do next. Transitional housing and shelters are in short supply, and most programs seem to be geared towards women and families.

On the one hand, I know this is a self-created problem for him, and not my responsibility to solve. On the other hand, I know that some holes we get ourselves into are simply too deep to escape without some kind of hand up.

He seems to really want to get back on track here, and while I don't want to enable I can't seem to find it in my heart to abandon him entirely to the streets. He's in the catch 22 of can't keep a job because he doesn't have stable housing and can't get housing with his background and credit history.

What do people do, when social services seem to be so overburdened as to be useless? How do you solve this chicken-and-egg problem of stable housing and stable employment? How does someone who has fallen so far take the first steps towards getting back up on their feet?

 

[BusynMember]

Arent there services for ex felons to find jobs and housing? Even sex offenders find housing because we get notified when one does so help for all is SOMEWHERE. I forgot how old C is but he is going to have to probably work very hard for public trust but not all ex felons are on the streets. Except for your supporting him forever there really are no guarantees for him right now though. Im sure there are probably some lower level rooming, certain motels or less desirable apartments that accept felons or dont check. And that is often where they live until/unless they can turn it around. Or you do have the option of paying for him indefinitely. Its up to you but more its up to him. Nobody will judge you if you decide to pay for him. You wouldnt be the first.

For jobs, restaurant work is thumbs up for those with criminal records, at least the restaurant I worked at. Although I can not speak for the entire franchise, I worked at Applebees. They did no background checks then and as long as the person worked hard, it was fine. At various times people worked there during the day and went back to jail at night. One young man had to wear ankle bracelates but the uniform covered them and recently he has ended parole and has been promoted to management. He turned his life around.

I hope C can find some guidance and light and sending you lots of love and light.

 

[Elsi]

Arent there services for ex felons to find jobs and housing?

What I’m running into is that these services only seem to want to work with the recently released, not someone who has been out of his own for an extended time. He just doesn’t seem to fit the mission for any of resources I’ve located or he has looked into on his own. He’s 32, so he’s aged out of any kind of youth services program. And the things that might be a good fit - like sober living houses - have waiting lists of months even once you meet the entrance criteria. It all sounds so easy to say ‘point him to the right social service agencies and let him figure it out on his own’ - and I agree that a certain amount of tough love is called for here - but there doesn’t seem to be much available that doesn’t leave him in limbo until sometime next summer.

He’s looking on Craigslist and I’ve done some looking for him but not finding many options.

His track record on getting and keeping jobs actually isn’t bad when his living situation is stable. He knows he has to work and is willing. But the last three jobs he got he lost because he lost his living situation and the next places he found to crash were too far or didn’t have access to public transit. He’s bounced all over the city and surrounding towns. We do not have much in the way of public transportation here, outside of city center areas where he’s having trouble finding anyplace to stay. It’s just not a great area to get around without a car. I’m 40 minutes out from the city where I am.

I think if I could help him get stabilized in his living situation he’s ready to make it work. He’s willing to walk or bike if he has to and did so last year even in bitter cold weather.

I’m getting sucked back into the problem solving more than I wanted to be, and I can feel my anxiety getting out of control again.

I just don’t even know what is even reasonable to expect him to do anymore. Our community doesn’t seem to have a lot of options for people in his situation.

 

[BusynMember]

And this is a terrible problem in our country. We have few ways to get challenged people of all types going in the right direction unless we support them. You may want to do what I have tried with a lot of success but it is hard work.

Pick one agency to call like social services
You know they cant help but they will give you names of other places that may or may not be helpful. Keep calling the suggestions (it can take tiresome days) until bingo some place you call really knows a place that may help.
Rinse. Repeat. Chances are you will be exhausted but good chance of success.

Also think out of the box.Any churxhes visit inmates. Call and see of they will try to help. You never know. Try Salvation Army and Red cross just to see if they have ideas. Even if one place cant help C they may direct you to someone who can.

I played this telephobe tag for my son with autism. My ears burned at the end of each day. I cried a lot in between. But I finally found a safe place, a nice place perfect for him and they want him. Many stay forever.

I have a motto of never giving up until mission is accomplished. That is how a young mentally ill girl with zilch family love and support forced myself to look for help alone. Telephone and acting on leads. I am going to be 65. I have had a happy, fulfilling life having fought memtal illness and family abuse and dismissal. But I never gave up. I have a perfect husband, an RV ready to travel in winter, great loving kids and am truly content.

If we want and work hard anything is possible.

Sorry. Didnt want to go all Pollyana on you. Just wanted to enforce the truth that there is hope for everyone. It just isnt always easy.

Love and light!

 

[Triedntrue]

Felon Friendly Apartments - Housing For Felons
I just googled and found this don't know anything about it though.

 

[Elsi]

Thank you both. I’ve been striking out with everything I can think of and so has C. But I guess we’ll just have to keep trying.

 

[BusynMember]

Do try out of the box places. You have nothing to lose. Big hugs. You have such a big heart.

 

[GoingNorth]

You might have better luck with 2 and 4 flats, etc., where he can meet and speak with the actual landlord.

I know when I applied and was interviewed for my apartment here outside of Milwaukee, I was stunned that they actually did a full background check.

I live in a huge complex owned by a huge property management firm that has over 150 complexes in 3 states.

When I found out about the background check, I asked what they were looking for. I found out they didn't rent to those convicted of domestic violence or any other violent crimes, those convicted of possession other than marijuana and other "soft"drugs and those with multiple felony convictions. They also do not rent to sex offenders.

That said, we do get our share of drug, DV, etc., calls here.

Another issue is that even some small property owners check credit, all complex owners do.

All require proof of income and many require proof of stable employment going back for a certain period of time, often 6 months.

I wish your son the best of luck. There are a lot of obstacles in the way of felons finding housing and otherwise making a new start.

 

[overcome mom]

I don't know if you have any trailer courts/ mobile homes around you but a lot of times they don't check many references. Of course the problem I have run into is that in a lot of these places they are around other people that are using. Has he looked for someone wanting a roommate or a someone who would like to sub lease? What about finding someone through N/A or AA ? He could go to a meeting.The things that makes me mad about this is people say "they just need to get a job" but have NO idea what it takes to find a place to live so they can be a stable good employee. Could he stay in a homeless shelter for a while until he builds up a short work history?

 

[Tired out]

I have to say..I am amazed at how hard it is to find an apartment and to qualify! A few months ago when our son was looking they all wanted at least 1 year stable employment, minimum income, credit rating over 650, back ground check. Plus a minimum of a 50.00 application fee. The place he and his girlfriend wanted required a hefty security deposit plus the rent. Son asked me to help with the security and 1st month rent--I thought he had to be making up the price..nope. I called the management company and spoke to the person in charge of the complex. She asked why he was moving out of home with us. I said we were downsizing (I thought --none of your business) that seemed to satisfy her. I asked about the security and rent --confirmed the amount and asked if it is ok for me to get her a cashiers check for the amount. She was surprised I would do that..she asked if I wanted to co-sign.. I said, "No, it isn't necessary they meet all of your criteria. I would of if I HAD to but I preferred to keep this on their own.

Do you have any family near a place that he can get a job and he can stay with? I know it is a lot to ask people.
I hate to see someone in if semi-fragile state stay in a place where there may be others using. I just want as many of them to survive and thrive as possible. I am still helping mine to make it. It isn't taking much for me to do it, He doesn't constantly have his hand out and it is less and less. I am slowly cutting the stings..he is only 21. His dad is still very wounded/betrayed by the things he did. I haven't forgotten or completely forgiven but I know he was involved is some light drugs (pot) and he isn't anymore (he can't afford it)

It is hard to give suggestions when I have no idea where you live. If you want to pm me I would help you search. I am pretty good at searching.

 

[Smithmom]

I'd like to suggest that you broaden the search area. It's never easy. Since sober living may be most suitable perhaps looking for that first would be best. Obviously there's nothing close but start in your state and then look to neighboring states None of what you are looking for is permanent. But perhaps till it gets warm again. Its a bed even if its 1000 miles away.

 

[Copabanana]

Here are my ideas: a room in a house, shared with others in my own experience has not done background checks. He is not on the lease, which can be bad. His tenants rights would be minimal.

My town is poor. There are many neighborhoods where families rent in law apartments or converted garages. They deal directly with tenants.

In my town there is no wait for sober living. I am wondering if he's telling the truth. He wants to make himself look forlorn. He gets more that way.

There are advantages to going to sober living where you know nobody. Let him or you look in other towns. Try rescue missions.

What about salvation army?

Where my son was at, it was free for indigents. Free food. Free room. Thru the rescue mission. Why do you have to pay? Why don't you call?

If I was marginal in terms of housing what I would do is get a camper or small rv and I would boondoggle. I have seen older, small class a's for less than 2k. Some people live in vans. I live in a temperate climate. But I know these can be winterized. Lots of people here live in trailers. Like camping trailers. They buy them really cheap and stay for free in somebody's front yard

There are options. I don't want to say it, but he may be playing you.

There are also pay by the week cheap hotels. No questions asked

 

[Elsi]

Thank you all for your suggestions! I haven't given up, and he seems to be doing his part to try and find options.

In my town there is no wait for sober living. I am wondering if he's telling the truth. He wants to make himself look forlorn. He gets more that way.

Perhaps. But I have called a few directly, and there are waiting lists. They seem to cater to court-ordered cases first, and if they have room left over it's first come, first serve. I'll try some of the church-related ones. Our area seems to have had a huge explosion in addicts, without much increase in the availability of services. Courts and hospitals are overwhelmed. It's really sad. They've even had to create temporary morgue space to keep up with all the overdoses. Meth, heroin, and opioids seem to be destroying a huge section of the population around here. That's where all the focus is right now.

You might have better luck with 2 and 4 flats, etc., where he can meet and speak with the actual landlord

That's what I've suggested to him. He's tried a couple and been turned down. We'll keep trying. And thank you from one cat lady to another!

I'd like to suggest that you broaden the search area

Probably a good idea. Farther away might be a mixed blessing - it would get him away from old friends and habits here, but also from any potential family support. I would worry about not being able to get to him if things go badly. But it's worth trying!

I don't know if you have any trailer courts/ mobile homes around you but a lot of times they don't check many references.

Zoning laws around here put them pretty far out from the city where he is, and not in areas where there are jobs. He doesn't have transportation right now, so he's probably better off staying in the city where at least there is some level of bus service. Good thought, though.

Do you have any family near a place that he can get a job and he can stay with?

Unfortunately, we're already burned through those options over the years. I'm not going to beg someone else to do something I'm not willing to do for him myself at this point. I think family he tends to take advantage of -- e.g., take longer to get a job, miss rent, not keep up with responsibilities around the house, not get out when agreed upon. Leading to major battles eventually when whoever he's staying with has had enough. I wish that would work, but at this point I know it won't. He needs to be somewhere where he knows it is a business-only arrangement and he has to hold up his end or he's back on the street again.

Here are my ideas: a room in a house, shared with others in my own experience has not done background checks. He is not on the lease, which can be bad. His tenants rights would be minimal.

This is probably the most likely option in our area. There are plenty of those around. It's dicey - as you say, no real tenants rights, and he's had some bad experiences with these in the past. I've been looking at these on Craigslist and sending him some options to check and he's working whatever networks he's established over the years. But this is a cheap option and like you say less fussy about background checks. He's looking for a cheap 6-month arrangement that would get him through the winter months and give him time to save up for his next move. I have a feeling it will be a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend kind of arrangement, which makes me a bit nervous as it doesn't get him fully away from the people he uses with. (Point in favor of Smithmom's suggestion for looking further afield there..) But I don't have a lot of other options in the area to suggest to him at the moment.

I've told him my help this time is a one time offer - if he messes up whatever arrangement we come up with, either by not keeping a job or getting kicked out for other reasons, he's truly on his own at that point. He seems to be on board. We'll see. But either way, at least I know I've done my part to give him a decent shot at this. After that, it's up to him.

I'm really hoping he'll have something figured out by the end of the week. Wish us luck! And thanks again - some great ideas.

 

[Copabanana]

What about with an older lady (like me)? I have known visiting professionals that rent rooms in this kind of circumstance.

My son who is most definitely not a visiting professional lived in two households like that as a paying couch surfer. They were not ideal situations but each woman in her way took an interest in his welfare, and neither threw him out or hurt him.

Good luck.

 

[Elsi]

What about with an older lady (like me)? I have known visiting professionals that rent rooms in this kind of circumstance.

My son who is most definitely not a visiting professional lived in two households like that as a paying couch surfer. They were not ideal situations but each woman in her way took an interest in his welfare, and neither through him out or hurt him.

Good luck.

That's a thought - though I have to say, as much as I hate to, I would worry about the lady. Not that I think he's a violence risk at this point, but he would probably take advantage of anyone too kind hearted. It better be a tougher older lady than me!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Elsi, you may already know about these options, but if not........both may be worthy of a call.

NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Depending upon the chapter closest to you, they offer excellent support which may include housing options.

Find Support | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Delancey Street Foundation offers help to ex cons and ex addicts.

Delancey Street Foundation - Home

 

[Elsi]

Elsi, you may already know about these options, but if not........both may be worthy of a call.

NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Depending upon the chapter closest to you, they offer excellent support which may include housing options.

Find Support | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Delancey Street Foundation offers help to ex cons and ex addicts.

Delancey Street Foundation - Home

Thank you! I did not know NAMI offered any housing support. And I hadn’t heard of the other.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Elsi, I'd call NAMI and check and perhaps attend one of their parent courses, that's where we met the Social Worker and found out about housing options and employment options as well. The NAMI chapter near us was an incredible resource when my daughter was completely off the rails.

Delancey Street Foundation is a remarkable success story. Even if you don't reside in a city where they have chapters, I'd give them a call, they may be able to offer you other options.

Good luck Elsi, I know how tough this is on our Mother's hearts.

 

[CareTooMuch]

Here are my ideas: a room in a house, shared with others in my own experience has not done background checks. He is not on the lease, which can be bad. His tenants rights would be minimal.

My town is poor. There are many neighborhoods where families rent in law apartments or converted garages. They deal directly with tenants.

In my town there is no wait for sober living. I am wondering if he's telling the truth. He wants to make himself look forlorn. He gets more that way.

There are advantages to going to sober living where you know nobody. Let him or you look in other towns. Try rescue missions.

What about salvation army?

Where my son was at, it was free for indigents. Free food. Free room. Thru the rescue mission. Why do you have to pay? Why don't you call?

If I was marginal in terms of housing what I would do is get a camper or small rv and I would boondoggle. I have seen older, small class a's for less than 2k. Some people live in vans. I live in a temperate climate. But I know these can be winterized. Lots of people here live in trailers. Like camping trailers. They buy them really cheap and stay for free in somebody's front yard

There are options. I don't want to say it, but he may be playing you.

There are also pay by the week cheap hotels. No questions asked

. Very dependent on the area. None of those is an option anywhere near where I live.

 

[BusynMember]

Why not check out which areas allow it? Hecan li e elsewhere from you??