How is everyone?

Wish

Active Member
It's been a fairly long time since I posted in the water cooler. I noticed the forum has slowed down a lot and many of the regulars don't post anymore except here and there and that makes me sad. In the last few years, I have acquired pretty serious health issues so I am dealing with them and not fun to say the least. How is everyone else doing?
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi. I don't think I knew you bit glad you are back. It has slowed down even from when I started. I try to keep it going.by posting. Please take care if yourself. That is all we can do. Come back again.
 

rjrodgersblue

New Member
Hi Wish--
I often read all the posts for inspiration and guidance, but don't post as much. I am also sorry to hear you are having issues. I am too, but minor "I'm getting older" things that are very surprising to me, such as waking up in the morning with a pain in my foot that I didn't have the day before. Just weird stuff. Take care of yourself and feel better.
My 23 year old son, soon to be 24, just left his 5th rehab again against the wishes of the facility. He is back in town, although due to previous lying, stealing, verbal abuse, etc., he can no longer stay in my home, so he is bouncing from couch to couch while he waits to get an interview in an Oxford House here in Tampa. He did start an IOP program, and as far as I know, he is sober and attending meetings. His problem is bipolar disorder type 2 and all the drug dependencies he has in an effort to stave off depression. I love him more than I love my own life, but I am working hard to establish boundaries and practice "detaching with love". I know he needs to learn consequences of his choices and I am allowing him to do that. I have come to the conclusion that my picking up after him and continuing to prop him up has only led to infantile behavior and I need to let him grow up, whether that means jail, or choosing to live on the street, or whatever else. I do continue to pay for his prescription medication for his emotional illness. That's it.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the parents that are trying very hard to do the right thing for their adult children. May God hold our children in the palm of his hand. That is my wish for this holiday season.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Wish I'm very sorry to hear about your health issues, I hope you are finding a way to ease them a bit. I have a couple of chronic things but I'm finding my way to deal with them.

I'm not posting much about my son these days because he's only in a couple of months to taking his mental health seriously. He has a few ups these days so if he gets things straightened out on that front he should start to be able to get more of a life for himself. I do spend a lot of time and energy on him since he's been helping him self recently.

I'm also in the process of selling a house I've owned since I was in my 20's. I was holding onto it and renting it for many years. I had been planning to give it to my son at one point but I've come to the realization that he's most likely not going to be able to handle home-ownership. An apartment possibly condo at some point is more his style. The house sale has not been as easy as I thought it would be. I've kept the house up, but not renovated in many years. I have a contract on it and I'm in the process of the inspections and such. Today I'm having a radon remediation system installed, and in the next few weeks a water treatment system to remove something call PFAS. Yesterday they did a dig in a couple of spots in the yard looking for what they thought could be buried oil tanks, I knew that was going to come up with anything and it didn't. Generally seems like I'm selling a toxic waste dump on the surface of things though. If I had known about these things I would have had them taken care of in the past.

And we are traveling right now too. That's good but until things are a little better on my son's side and that house sale I won't be able to relax much. I am grateful to be able to do what we are doing, and then I get a call or an email I have to deal with right away from afar and think maybe I should have stayed home.

I hope everyone who comes and reads here had a nice Thanksgiving, is having a nice Hanukkah and has a nice Christmas, or at least a more peaceful one than years prior. I'm going low key on these this year.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Blue,
sorry to hear about your son. I've heard a lot of good things about Oxford houses, of course individually they are only as good as who ever runs the house. I think though they are for people who are further along in sobriety, I could be wrong, it could be different with the different chapters. Leaving that rehab might disqualify him, but there other sober living houses where the house support is more intensive. He might want to look for more options in the meantime if Oxford tells him he's not ready, and if he does he should be careful about where he picks, some are not so good.

I too only provide money for medical and now dental care, and the money goes directly to the pharmacy, doctor, dentist, whoever. My son has recently gotten Medicaid so that covers a lot now.
 

Wish

Active Member
Hi Wish--
I often read all the posts for inspiration and guidance, but don't post as much. I am also sorry to hear you are having issues. I am too, but minor "I'm getting older" things that are very surprising to me, such as waking up in the morning with a pain in my foot that I didn't have the day before. Just weird stuff. Take care of yourself and feel better.
My 23 year old son, soon to be 24, just left his 5th rehab again against the wishes of the facility. He is back in town, although due to previous lying, stealing, verbal abuse, etc., he can no longer stay in my home, so he is bouncing from couch to couch while he waits to get an interview in an Oxford House here in Tampa. He did start an IOP program, and as far as I know, he is sober and attending meetings. His problem is bipolar disorder type 2 and all the drug dependencies he has in an effort to stave off depression. I love him more than I love my own life, but I am working hard to establish boundaries and practice "detaching with love". I know he needs to learn consequences of his choices and I am allowing him to do that. I have come to the conclusion that my picking up after him and continuing to prop him up has only led to infantile behavior and I need to let him grow up, whether that means jail, or choosing to live on the street, or whatever else. I do continue to pay for his prescription medication for his emotional illness. That's it.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the parents that are trying very hard to do the right thing for their adult children. May God hold our children in the palm of his hand. That is my wish for this holiday season.

Hi RJ, so very nice to meet you. Thank you for responding, your well wishes for me and letting me know how you are. Hopefully the little tiny strides he is making will catch hold and get him on the right path.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Oh no!!!!
Actually the oil tank bit was kind of funny, on my part anyway. The house is basically an old summer bungalow, on a very large lot, for the area anyway. It's very cute. Thing is when it was built it didn't have heat, and water was provided to all of these bungalows via a large hose that ran in-between the properties in the back, in the summer only. Eventually people started converting the bungalows into fulltime residences. When they did the conversions they drilled wells for water and put in electric heat. This house never had oil heat, so there was no possibility of there being an oil tank. But one time when I was working in the part of the property that's mostly wooded, leveling things off a bit, I dug up car grill. So I did wonder if they were going to find more car parts in the yard, ha!. They found the metal lid to the old septic system, which I had since had replaced with a newer septic system. I told them what it was but they insisted on digging to check. Thing is they didn't even dig where the lid is, they would have had to go under a deck for the house to do it. Basically I think the inspection company just wanted an excuse to charge the buyers more for the inspection, they know the area and they know the difference between a lid to an old septic system and an oil tank when they are using the ground inspection equipment.

Things are moving along, I'm doing a little water chemistry myself for minor metal water issues, adjusting the water softener, but mostly it's a waiting game on the time it's taking to have the one water system installed, permits completed and inspections done for the Radon system. I'm no longer feeling the pressure of making the closing date the buyer wants. It's just not possible, because the companies I'm dealing with and the town are overloaded and understaffed, just like most these days.
 

Nandina

Member
This reminds me of our experience with a “converted” summer home in the late 80s in Maryland, just outside of D.C and right on the Chesapeake Bay (seriously, it was in our backyard). I don’t think it was ever actually converted, the landlord just rented out this large, two story summer home with paper-thin insulation all year.

Its only heat source was those radiator type metal heaters from the old days in every room—the kind that clanged and rattled every time they heated up and if you accidentally rubbed up against one you risked third degree burns! I’m sure some people who might be reading this have never even seen those. Well, it’s a good thing, lol.

But it was what we could afford, and really it was a great house. At that time the Bay wasn’t polluted (I’m not sure what its status is now) and Maryland blue crab was plentiful and free. And all we could catch, just outside our backyard. My husband was in hog heaven setting out his crab pots every day. It was fun. We had great parties—lots of crab for everyone.

When winter came we froze our rear ends off it was so cold and uninsulated in that house. After all, it really wasn’t meant to be lived in during the winter and it gets cold in those parts. But we managed. Until we got our first electric bill, that is. It was something like $1,500. And we were never even warm!

In those young days we lived from paycheck to paycheck so we had to make payment arrangements just to manage our humongous electric bills and I think it took something like six months to pay it all off. But looking back, both my husband and I consider the one year spent in that rattle-trap house to be one of the best in our 35 years of marriage.

Thank you for reminding me, Deni. I hope your excavation experience doesn’t reveal anything unmanageable.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
When winter came we froze our rear ends off it was so cold and uninsulated in that house.
Lucky for me they had insulation blown in the walls before I bought the house. Then I had the windows replaced and insulation put all around the nooks and crannies that could be gotten to. I also used a kerosene heater to reduce my electric bill.

I hope your excavation experience doesn’t reveal anything unmanageable.
They did it a few weeks ago, no oil tanks, no car parts, no dead bodies, lol!

Nandina, your places sounds like it was great! Especially the part about blue crab, one of my favorites.

My little bungalow is near a lake, not right on the lake. All of the bungalows were built there back in the day because people from the big city would buy them to spend the summer there. Prior to the little bungalows there were also other homes which the vaudeville stars who owned them called bungalows, but they are actually mansions. Also a lot of hotels, most of which have burnt down over the years. I like the history of the place. I bet the area you lived in had a similar history.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
there were also other homes which the vaudeville stars who owned them called bungalows, but they are actually mansions. Also a lot of hotels, most of which have burnt down over the years. I like the history of the place. I bet the area you lived in had a similar history.
Is this the Catskills, Deni? Wherever it is I would love to be there! What a glorious part of history. Part of me wishes you were still keeping the house!!
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Part of me wishes you were still keeping the house!!
It was my first house, first home really, such a cute little bungalow with a beautiful wooded second lot! I love that house, felt like it was the first place that would not be yanked out from under me, the first actual home I could count on. When I was younger, as an Army brat, we moved often, longest stay was 5 years when I was growing up. Mostly it was every other year or so, 10 houses before I was 18. I would find out about our moves a couple of weeks before it happened. I was a very shy reserved child who didn't do well with change at all. So yeah it was my first place that I could count on, because I was finally in control of that when I was in my twenties. I appreciated every inch of the home and property when it was my own. For the new owners, I hope they treat the place with the respect that it deserves but it's no longer in my control, hope the neighbors are okay with the changes, they tell me they are kind of nervous right now, hope it all goes well but it's been long past the time for me to release it and move on.

It's not in the Catskills, it's in another state. Very easy to identify with the hints I will give you. Just for fun, near the house I'm now selling is the house I lived in for the 5 years back in the day. The house I lived in for 5 years was on the footprint of the Hotel Breslin. Down the road another house we would play outside of, which was unoccupied at the time, was historically owned as the Lotta Crabtree house, we called it the "spook house" because we knew it was haunted, and it was cool. I'm still convinced to this day that it truly was haunted :). Regardless my house was even cooler.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Hotel Breslin. Down the road another house we would play outside of, which was unoccupied at the time, was historically owned as the Lotta Crabtree
I found the area! Wow. I just love this.

I am from an area with this kind of history. Different but similar. There has been so much change in the area, and in my own life, it almost feels like a dream, but it's not. I am going to look at more pictures. Thanks Deni.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I was a very shy reserved child who didn't do well with change at all.
I was like this too. How hard for you, all that moving around without any control. I only moved once from the old neighborhood--when I was 13 and it was devastating. You are so confident now, Deni.
 
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