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Failure to Thrive
How Much Is Too Much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Simion" data-source="post: 762262" data-attributes="member: 29037"><p>Thanks for sharing Mirabelle. I certainly don’t have an answer to “How much is too much.“ I am sitting here contemplating that very same question. I just came from a meeting with my young adult daughter who has PTSD & Borderline (BPD) & her in home treatment provider. The point to the meeting was to discuss how can we work to have a relationship with one another that isn’t so volatile. I tried to express that even though I had much knowledge of her mental health issues & my own, I do not have an understanding of how to communicate with her in a way that respects us both. [ I am a survivor of abuse myself & have complex PTSD ] The discussion went as all discussions of this nature have. Her interrupting, not allowing me to finish what I was trying to share. The she would quickly jump to her own conclusions of my thoughts to come & the rude mocking would begin. Needless to say it was a ride on the never ending wheel of Borderline (BPD). Halfway through, the true agenda came out. She wants to go on vacation with her two older sisters & myself. I have already had a discussion with her regarding this. Reminding her of the last vacation she joined me on. [ She went off on older sister screaming how she’d stab her ] Of course I did it diplomatically and did not recount the details, left it at </p><p>“ that the last vacation had not gone well & I did not care to do that again. “ Her response was “ haven’t you got over that yet ?” </p><p>Now here we are again. So I try to be validating of her feelings. That she must feel really sad & left out. I quickly learned that little communication skill is an open door for further abuse with her. And off she went…. I did this to her, I didn’t care. On to the absolute end zone of delusional thinking. And she paid for part of this vacation, that I won’t even let her go on. Reality I asked her to pay me back the $22. she owed me, that I had to finish paying for rental. She spun on that unable to grasp, no you didn’t pay for part of vacation . The vacation cost $6000. but she paid part of it. At that point I needed to just get out. </p><p>I got in my car and thought, how much is to much, when is enough enough. I didn’t even want to go on vacation after that. I came home and journaled to calm myself & then I read your post. I didn’t feel so defeated & alone. This is no easy journey and although we share the common bond of having children with mental health issues. How we travel & what we do along the way is as unique and complex as our children. If there was one sure answer there’d be no need for groups like this. Best wishes for the journey ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Simion, post: 762262, member: 29037"] Thanks for sharing Mirabelle. I certainly don’t have an answer to “How much is too much.“ I am sitting here contemplating that very same question. I just came from a meeting with my young adult daughter who has PTSD & Borderline (BPD) & her in home treatment provider. The point to the meeting was to discuss how can we work to have a relationship with one another that isn’t so volatile. I tried to express that even though I had much knowledge of her mental health issues & my own, I do not have an understanding of how to communicate with her in a way that respects us both. [ I am a survivor of abuse myself & have complex PTSD ] The discussion went as all discussions of this nature have. Her interrupting, not allowing me to finish what I was trying to share. The she would quickly jump to her own conclusions of my thoughts to come & the rude mocking would begin. Needless to say it was a ride on the never ending wheel of Borderline (BPD). Halfway through, the true agenda came out. She wants to go on vacation with her two older sisters & myself. I have already had a discussion with her regarding this. Reminding her of the last vacation she joined me on. [ She went off on older sister screaming how she’d stab her ] Of course I did it diplomatically and did not recount the details, left it at “ that the last vacation had not gone well & I did not care to do that again. “ Her response was “ haven’t you got over that yet ?” Now here we are again. So I try to be validating of her feelings. That she must feel really sad & left out. I quickly learned that little communication skill is an open door for further abuse with her. And off she went…. I did this to her, I didn’t care. On to the absolute end zone of delusional thinking. And she paid for part of this vacation, that I won’t even let her go on. Reality I asked her to pay me back the $22. she owed me, that I had to finish paying for rental. She spun on that unable to grasp, no you didn’t pay for part of vacation . The vacation cost $6000. but she paid part of it. At that point I needed to just get out. I got in my car and thought, how much is to much, when is enough enough. I didn’t even want to go on vacation after that. I came home and journaled to calm myself & then I read your post. I didn’t feel so defeated & alone. This is no easy journey and although we share the common bond of having children with mental health issues. How we travel & what we do along the way is as unique and complex as our children. If there was one sure answer there’d be no need for groups like this. Best wishes for the journey ahead. [/QUOTE]
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