this is sort of my own random thoughts today but i think ive seen the same theme from others. Its about boundries. My daughter in law is someone who can be very helpless, has a learning disorder and anxiety problems, is afraid to take the bus alone. I thinks its a very self serving problem as it gives her an excuse to be helpless and ask for others (me) to drive her. So ive come to a point that i still drive her for groceries as shes on assisstance, so her one big monthly cheque means she does one large monthly shopping trip. The groceries literally fill my 8 seater suv with all seats flipped down to the roof. Not really reasonable to expect her to do this by bus. I also wil take my grands for doctor apptmts often. Mostly as its how i see and stay in contact with them and assure myself their medical needs are looked after. Ive stepped back from most other errands and requests from her. My dilema is that with the new baby coming who is not my grand. She has asked if i could take her to her midwife apptmt monday. I already told her previously that i expect her and her boyfriend to manage this one themselves however, she doesnt want him to take her due to their relationship deteriorating and i really have nothing to do monday. im not changing my routine at all and if i take her i get a chance to spend time with my 2 yr old grand while mom is in her apptmt. If this was a friend asking me for a favour and i had nothing better to do i would say yes, but this is a dilema because its not a healthy equal relationship between her and i, and im sending the wrong message by taking her , what to do? How do others handle flexible boundries? The real world is not so all or nothing but i find the difficult ones in my life see it as so. If i take her once she will jump on this as an excuse to expect me to always take her. Im sure others struggle with this also. These are not people who are peripherial in our lives easy to cut out entirely,(although in some cases there is no choice) In healthy relationships people can and do help each other out with no expectation that it will now be permanent or a new normal. Ive seen many posts where people have second guessed ‘did i do too much’ ‘did i not do enough’ ‘am i enabling?’ Any tips or experiences on how others handle this?