husband's visit with J

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Abbey, Jan 8, 2007.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    husband did go visit J last Friday. He said he appears to be a 'beaten pup.' He thinks this last stint in prison with no family contact by our choice was a big reality check for him.

    He says he seems committed to staying at the place he's in. They can stay as long as they want rent free, which allows them to save money to start a life on their own. Took him shopping to get a few clothes, went to dinner...and that was it.

    My fingers are crossed, but guarded. I hope the best for him.

  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Abbey, I too hope the very best for him.

    Hope you are having a good day today.
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am glad your hubby went to see his son. If J can realize that his family will be supportive only when he is doing the right thing...then J may want that enough to stop his old ways.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Abbey, does the halfway house provide any kind of counseling, drug therapy, training, job placement services, anything? How do these folks get jobs with such poor (if any) work experiences and felonies on their records?

    I'm glad for husband's sake that he saw him in person. I hope this last has made an impact on J.

  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    If he can stay there rent free, get a job and start a new life, then hopefully it will be a positive start for him. I'm surprised they don't have to atleast pay a small amount of rent, just to learn the responsibility of supporting themselves.
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    No one wants to see their kid's spirit broken or for them to be submissive but our kids are so over the top grandiose that maybe they have to hit that rung of the ladder before they find some balance between the two extremes.

    Hopefully, he will find his way.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    He was at this facility two years ago and they had to pay a small amount. They found that most left within a few days of getting there. So, I guess the state of CA (MUCH to my surprise) is funding this latest venture.

    J said there is one guy that has been living there for about 6 months and has already saved $15,000. Gee...I want to go live there! :smile:

    There is job placement help, drug counseling, personal counseling...but they have to want to participate. It is not mandatory.

    I hope he's humbled enough to realize that it's OK to work at Taco Bell. You don't have to start with Donald Trump.

  8. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Rent free is great. My son is struggling with paying a half way house and trying to live on McDonald's pay. He really doesn't mind working at Mickey D's, just that he doesn't get enough to buy his own insurance and pay for car expenses. We are really trying to stay out of his finances as in the past we have helped and it only allowed him to spend "his" money on alcohol and grandiose ideas. I hope both our J's finally get some mature perspective....
  9. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Hi Abbey,

    Well, it sounds like your husband's visit was very "matter of fact." That was good. And I'm glad you didn't have to be involved, because I know you did not want to be.

    I hope that J does decide to stay at the home for quite some time and get the counseling and job placement. It would be so wonderful if he finally turned his life around.

  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    [ QUOTE ]
    There is job placement help, drug counseling, personal counseling...but they have to want to participate. It is not mandatory.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Sounds like a great opportunity for change, Abbey. I hope he take advantage of it. Fingers crossed.

  11. judi

    judi Active Member

    Abbey - it sounds like a positive experience for both your son and husband. Everyone is so right - these kids almost have to be broken first. I had to laugh as my son can't work at Micky D's because he was fired after two weeks and yes, he too is way too good to work anywhere period!
  12. kris

    kris New Member

    abbey, maybe, just maybe, J has finally realized his bottom. did husband find out if he's using any of the services that are available to him??

    there's always room for a little optimism.

  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I really pray he takes advantage of what this program offers. It could make such a huge difference in his future.
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    even if his dad is the only one left who still believes in J, it can help. my belief in ant and my love for him even after everyone gave bringing ant back from the dead.