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I acted on a suspicion
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 690811" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>What we need to address what is happening to our families in a stable, compassionate way is a mentor ~ someone who can provide easily referenced, concrete examples of correct response in dangerous, frustrating, crazy-making situations. </p><p></p><p>Ready, you guys?</p><p></p><p>Ceasar Milan.</p><p></p><p>The Dog Whisperer. </p><p></p><p>Regarding our own energy states, which is the only thing we have any control over anyway, Cesar Milan is a great mentor for us. When Cesar works with problem animals, his emphasis is not on them. He is very aware of their energy states, but the energy state he concentrates on, managing himself to do so, is his own.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]5mmj_-txwt8[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>What happens to us when our children suffer is that we no longer hold faith with ourselves as parents. Cesar can help us to stand up, can help us recognize and reach for and stay steady state.</p><p></p><p>He can take us from reacting to responding.</p><p></p><p>He can teach us the concept, the energy state, of <em>calm dominance. Not over our children or our animals. Over ourselves.</em></p><p></p><p>When we have the concept of calm dominant as the primary energy value to strive for in meeting our role as parents, then we will not get lost in the day to day devastations our suffering children create. The concept of detaching, not from our children, but from our emotions, can help us here. </p><p></p><p>To me, that is the value in the detachment concept. Not that we toss the kids (and our beautiful dreams for our families) to the wind. Not that we devote our energies to rationalizing that somehow, what has happened to all of us is okay.</p><p></p><p>None of this is okay.</p><p></p><p>Nonetheless, it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>Calm dominant is a good response to strive for.</p><p></p><p>You guys, I have been at this forever. In the day to day devastations, in the ten thousand times I do not have an answer or even a clue, I forget to strive for that energy state, too. But every so often, I remember. Following this post was one of those times. I needed this reminder.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Lil and Jabber, the issue with the apartment or with needing to make your son leave is not something that needs headspace today. Worrying about it won't help. Choose a date, set a family meeting for discussing it, post it on the fridge so your son will see it too, and let that pony ride for now.</p><p></p><p>Practice detaching from the emotions. Come to the table calm dominant <em>in your own lives</em>.</p><p></p><p>Watch some videos of Cesar bringing a mad dog, a dog doomed and marked for destruction, back into the fold.</p><p></p><p>You guys. <em>The dog is us.</em></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>These are the good things you do know: You know more than you did about your son's motivations. You know J is fired. You know your son still has a job.</p><p></p><p>You know you cannot do this for him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>And you guys already know that I think the thing to be changed is our own energy state.</p><p></p><p>Calm dominance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 690811, member: 17461"] What we need to address what is happening to our families in a stable, compassionate way is a mentor ~ someone who can provide easily referenced, concrete examples of correct response in dangerous, frustrating, crazy-making situations. Ready, you guys? Ceasar Milan. The Dog Whisperer. Regarding our own energy states, which is the only thing we have any control over anyway, Cesar Milan is a great mentor for us. When Cesar works with problem animals, his emphasis is not on them. He is very aware of their energy states, but the energy state he concentrates on, managing himself to do so, is his own. [MEDIA=youtube]5mmj_-txwt8[/MEDIA] What happens to us when our children suffer is that we no longer hold faith with ourselves as parents. Cesar can help us to stand up, can help us recognize and reach for and stay steady state. He can take us from reacting to responding. He can teach us the concept, the energy state, of [I]calm dominance. Not over our children or our animals. Over ourselves.[/I] When we have the concept of calm dominant as the primary energy value to strive for in meeting our role as parents, then we will not get lost in the day to day devastations our suffering children create. The concept of detaching, not from our children, but from our emotions, can help us here. To me, that is the value in the detachment concept. Not that we toss the kids (and our beautiful dreams for our families) to the wind. Not that we devote our energies to rationalizing that somehow, what has happened to all of us is okay. None of this is okay. Nonetheless, it is what it is. Calm dominant is a good response to strive for. You guys, I have been at this forever. In the day to day devastations, in the ten thousand times I do not have an answer or even a clue, I forget to strive for that energy state, too. But every so often, I remember. Following this post was one of those times. I needed this reminder. Thank you. Cedar Lil and Jabber, the issue with the apartment or with needing to make your son leave is not something that needs headspace today. Worrying about it won't help. Choose a date, set a family meeting for discussing it, post it on the fridge so your son will see it too, and let that pony ride for now. Practice detaching from the emotions. Come to the table calm dominant [I]in your own lives[/I]. Watch some videos of Cesar bringing a mad dog, a dog doomed and marked for destruction, back into the fold. You guys. [I]The dog is us.[/I] *** These are the good things you do know: You know more than you did about your son's motivations. You know J is fired. You know your son still has a job. You know you cannot do this for him. Yes. And you guys already know that I think the thing to be changed is our own energy state. Calm dominance. [/QUOTE]
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