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I am paralyzed with fear
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 723129" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nobody needs to be homeless. You know this, right? Daughter can and should work FULL TIME. You did not sign up to support her, a baby AND boyfriend once she is an adult. Thats insane. Why let her futther bankrupt you? Why is she so demanding and entitled and why give her money at all at an age when 99% of young adults are trying hard to be mature and work without Mom? Some are serving our country!</p><p></p><p>Clearly it is not making her a strong, stable person when you keep supporting her. She even got pregnant and expects you to take that on too. That may be WHY she got pregnant.</p><p></p><p>She isnt very nice. Yes, i know you love her, but she needs you to tell her you cant support her another day and that she needs to grow up and stop blackmailing you about grandchild. If you ever feel she is unfit once she has baby, for the babys sake you must call CPS and try to save the baby. Your daughter is too old with too bad an attitude for you to save. Why do you feel you have to? She is not ten years old and she is horrible to you and makes terrible choices about her adult life which are not your fault? Why feel badly that you cant give her more money when she already blew all your money?</p><p></p><p>in my opinion it would help you greatly to do two.things and both are for yourself, not her. You are as important as she is and trying to support her whole team is killing your nerves and keeping daughter in a very bad place.</p><p></p><p>First buy the book.Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and memorize each page...the message. You are severely codependent. Secondly, and most important, go to your sliding scale, low cost county mental health center and get weekly help for YOU so that you can break this destructive cycle and stop letting daughter so badly abuse you. That is exactly what she is doing, like an abusive spouse. No difference. There are shelters, food pantries, food cards, welfare and Medicaid if she wont work and insists on staying with the boyfriend who wont work. Unless drugs are involved, she can sleep at shelters. If she uses drugs, she needs to decide to go to a rehab. Or not. Her call. Many of our adult kids who are abusive and wont grow up do these things once The Bank of Mom closes.. Once the baby is born, if you are so inclined, you can call CPS and try to get custody or get baby in warm, stable foster home. Your daughter is not able to raise a baby. You can get kinship foster care payments to raise the baby if daughter is unfit or in a dangerous lifestyle. Or....foster care. She will keep having babies if she benefits from doing so. Does she not have a college degree? What does she do all day if not work? Drugs? Does she smoke eternal pot, the big motivation killer? Drink too much? Maybe do other drugs?</p><p></p><p>She is able bodied. She needs to work. If she wont, that is her choice and there are consequences...</p><p></p><p>I add Al Anon to places for you to go for support if drugs are another issue.</p><p></p><p>Do you have loved ones or friends or a minister for support? Your daughters crazy demands have traumatized you and somehow she is All Powerful and you need to get a realistic and sane look at what is really going on. You need counseling badly so you can start to see your daughter in her true light and to value and love yourself. I gently remind you, your daughter is 21 or 22, not ten and you gave her every tool she needs to grow up. See her as an adult, not a child. The world sees her as a woman. The nonsense of breaking yourself for a college grad woman, daughter or not, is insane.</p><p></p><p>Please seek help in the morning.</p><p></p><p>Much love and light</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 723129, member: 1550"] Nobody needs to be homeless. You know this, right? Daughter can and should work FULL TIME. You did not sign up to support her, a baby AND boyfriend once she is an adult. Thats insane. Why let her futther bankrupt you? Why is she so demanding and entitled and why give her money at all at an age when 99% of young adults are trying hard to be mature and work without Mom? Some are serving our country! Clearly it is not making her a strong, stable person when you keep supporting her. She even got pregnant and expects you to take that on too. That may be WHY she got pregnant. She isnt very nice. Yes, i know you love her, but she needs you to tell her you cant support her another day and that she needs to grow up and stop blackmailing you about grandchild. If you ever feel she is unfit once she has baby, for the babys sake you must call CPS and try to save the baby. Your daughter is too old with too bad an attitude for you to save. Why do you feel you have to? She is not ten years old and she is horrible to you and makes terrible choices about her adult life which are not your fault? Why feel badly that you cant give her more money when she already blew all your money? in my opinion it would help you greatly to do two.things and both are for yourself, not her. You are as important as she is and trying to support her whole team is killing your nerves and keeping daughter in a very bad place. First buy the book.Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and memorize each page...the message. You are severely codependent. Secondly, and most important, go to your sliding scale, low cost county mental health center and get weekly help for YOU so that you can break this destructive cycle and stop letting daughter so badly abuse you. That is exactly what she is doing, like an abusive spouse. No difference. There are shelters, food pantries, food cards, welfare and Medicaid if she wont work and insists on staying with the boyfriend who wont work. Unless drugs are involved, she can sleep at shelters. If she uses drugs, she needs to decide to go to a rehab. Or not. Her call. Many of our adult kids who are abusive and wont grow up do these things once The Bank of Mom closes.. Once the baby is born, if you are so inclined, you can call CPS and try to get custody or get baby in warm, stable foster home. Your daughter is not able to raise a baby. You can get kinship foster care payments to raise the baby if daughter is unfit or in a dangerous lifestyle. Or....foster care. She will keep having babies if she benefits from doing so. Does she not have a college degree? What does she do all day if not work? Drugs? Does she smoke eternal pot, the big motivation killer? Drink too much? Maybe do other drugs? She is able bodied. She needs to work. If she wont, that is her choice and there are consequences... I add Al Anon to places for you to go for support if drugs are another issue. Do you have loved ones or friends or a minister for support? Your daughters crazy demands have traumatized you and somehow she is All Powerful and you need to get a realistic and sane look at what is really going on. You need counseling badly so you can start to see your daughter in her true light and to value and love yourself. I gently remind you, your daughter is 21 or 22, not ten and you gave her every tool she needs to grow up. See her as an adult, not a child. The world sees her as a woman. The nonsense of breaking yourself for a college grad woman, daughter or not, is insane. Please seek help in the morning. Much love and light [/QUOTE]
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