Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am paralyzed with fear
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 723160" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I am so sorry you find yourself in the situation you are presently in. You've been thru a tsunami of abusive behavior from your daughter......it is time for you to heal from that.</p><p></p><p>Often we codependents hit our own bottom. Often it is when we are completely depleted, exhausted and as you've stated, have nothing left to give. This is the point at which many of us seek help.</p><p></p><p>I hit that bottom too. I put myself in the hands of therapists in a 2 year course on codependency thru my HMO. It saved my life. I learned that I MATTER. I learned that my enabling was harming both myself and my daughter. I learned to set strong boundaries, to say NO as a complete sentence, to refrain from responding and in that open space, allowing my daughter to make her own choices separate from me. I had to walk thru that devastating fear of thinking 'if I don't help, she will....die......be homeless.....starve to death.....that something awful will happen and it will be MY fault for not helping her.' That fear was tremendous and debilitating.....but I lived thru it and I learned that no one died.....and it wasn't my fault or my responsibility. That fear you speak of is what keeps us stuck on the hamster wheel of our kids horrible behaviors and it is what they often utilize to manipulate us to keep us there.</p><p></p><p>My suggestion to you is to seek help for yourself. If you believe your daughter has any form of mental illness, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness, you can access them online, their parent courses are extremely helpful to us and offer much guidance, information and resources. It is free.</p><p></p><p>You can find therapists who offer sliding scale on the psychology today website or at good therapy.org. Or you can contact your local mental health organization. Or ask around in your network of friends if they know of a good therapist.</p><p></p><p>I remember vividly feeling the way you feel, I have much empathy of you. At this point, you must take care of YOU. You must put yourself as the priority and find a support system. You've lost your sense of self, your own sense of well being and autonomy.......it's time to regain that and build yourself back up so that you can find the peace, the joy and the love that you deserve. It is a process and it takes time and support......but it is doable. You can do this. One small step at a time. Just for today, do something nourishing, nurturing and kind for yourself and every day build on that. As you do, your strength will return and you will begin to feel better. And, that fear will subside as you learn to enact boundaries and take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>You cannot control this situation with your enabling. You didn't cause it. You are powerless to change it or fix it. All you can do is learn different ways of responding and to take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. You're not alone. We all know how you feel. We'll circle the wagons around you as you heal. Keep posting, it helps a lot. Take care of YOU now. I'm glad you're here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 723160, member: 13542"] Welcome. I am so sorry you find yourself in the situation you are presently in. You've been thru a tsunami of abusive behavior from your daughter......it is time for you to heal from that. Often we codependents hit our own bottom. Often it is when we are completely depleted, exhausted and as you've stated, have nothing left to give. This is the point at which many of us seek help. I hit that bottom too. I put myself in the hands of therapists in a 2 year course on codependency thru my HMO. It saved my life. I learned that I MATTER. I learned that my enabling was harming both myself and my daughter. I learned to set strong boundaries, to say NO as a complete sentence, to refrain from responding and in that open space, allowing my daughter to make her own choices separate from me. I had to walk thru that devastating fear of thinking 'if I don't help, she will....die......be homeless.....starve to death.....that something awful will happen and it will be MY fault for not helping her.' That fear was tremendous and debilitating.....but I lived thru it and I learned that no one died.....and it wasn't my fault or my responsibility. That fear you speak of is what keeps us stuck on the hamster wheel of our kids horrible behaviors and it is what they often utilize to manipulate us to keep us there. My suggestion to you is to seek help for yourself. If you believe your daughter has any form of mental illness, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness, you can access them online, their parent courses are extremely helpful to us and offer much guidance, information and resources. It is free. You can find therapists who offer sliding scale on the psychology today website or at good therapy.org. Or you can contact your local mental health organization. Or ask around in your network of friends if they know of a good therapist. I remember vividly feeling the way you feel, I have much empathy of you. At this point, you must take care of YOU. You must put yourself as the priority and find a support system. You've lost your sense of self, your own sense of well being and autonomy.......it's time to regain that and build yourself back up so that you can find the peace, the joy and the love that you deserve. It is a process and it takes time and support......but it is doable. You can do this. One small step at a time. Just for today, do something nourishing, nurturing and kind for yourself and every day build on that. As you do, your strength will return and you will begin to feel better. And, that fear will subside as you learn to enact boundaries and take care of yourself. You cannot control this situation with your enabling. You didn't cause it. You are powerless to change it or fix it. All you can do is learn different ways of responding and to take care of yourself. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Hang in there. You're not alone. We all know how you feel. We'll circle the wagons around you as you heal. Keep posting, it helps a lot. Take care of YOU now. I'm glad you're here. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am paralyzed with fear
Top