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Failure to Thrive
I am sad and at a loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 761229" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi there and I am sorry for all of this.</p><p></p><p>Most.of us here gave our.kids everything to help them thrive. We loved them and did our best. Our kids, for reasons we will never know ....heredity, mental illness, drug abuse, undiagnosed differences...do not thrive and are horrible to us. Most kids who bring us here abuse us. If a spouse abused us the way they do, the spouse would be history. These adult.kids lie to us about being bad parents as the reason why THEY won't do better. They know how to guilt us into giving them things.</p><p></p><p>It is crazy, what they say. It hurts us, but it is NOT true. Adults make choices due to who THEY are. Many.of us have kids wh thrive and one who did not. We are caring, good parents. The kids who fail just refuse to try and often refuse to behave in ways that are considered societal norms. They mostly are looking to have an easy life on our dime. If we refuse, the money, well, then they hate us, often making stuff up about their childhood. And we feel helpless when they lie. But we still feel guilty. And we give in and their abusive cycle continues.</p><p></p><p>It took ten years for me to realize that my daughter will take everything from us yet abuse us and, worse, not do any better in her life. At all. We are not the problem and we are not able to be the solution. I wish I had figured that out when she was 22. I suffered for too long. Please don't be me!</p><p> </p><p>I got better in own recovery from codependency when I.started going to Nar Anon and also a private therapist. My marriage was over if I had not gotten help. I'm so glad I did. I learned the three Cs...we did not CAUSE our children's issues, we can not CONTROL them at all and we can't CURE thhem either. It is 100% on them. We can only control one person....our own self. We have no powers to make even a beloved child do what we want. And we can't make them be decent to us or anyone. Once we accept this fact we are able to move.on and learn how to make OUR life better with our loved ones and friends do who appreciate us. Or we can.keep hoping we can do the the impossible...change our child.</p><p></p><p>We cut off The Bank of Mom and Dad and are closer now to our nice kids and friends. Our life is better. Our daughter is still not doing well. But we are. We cant mak .her happy. She can no longer make us u happy like we used to be</p><p></p><p>I gave my daughter to God. If God is.in your life that helps to give our children to somethingc bigger than me..</p><p></p><p>Maybe you can try Nar Anon or CODA or a therapist. in my opinion its too hatd to do without lots of support..Hugs and love.❤</p><p></p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 761229, member: 23706"] Hi there and I am sorry for all of this. Most.of us here gave our.kids everything to help them thrive. We loved them and did our best. Our kids, for reasons we will never know ....heredity, mental illness, drug abuse, undiagnosed differences...do not thrive and are horrible to us. Most kids who bring us here abuse us. If a spouse abused us the way they do, the spouse would be history. These adult.kids lie to us about being bad parents as the reason why THEY won't do better. They know how to guilt us into giving them things. It is crazy, what they say. It hurts us, but it is NOT true. Adults make choices due to who THEY are. Many.of us have kids wh thrive and one who did not. We are caring, good parents. The kids who fail just refuse to try and often refuse to behave in ways that are considered societal norms. They mostly are looking to have an easy life on our dime. If we refuse, the money, well, then they hate us, often making stuff up about their childhood. And we feel helpless when they lie. But we still feel guilty. And we give in and their abusive cycle continues. It took ten years for me to realize that my daughter will take everything from us yet abuse us and, worse, not do any better in her life. At all. We are not the problem and we are not able to be the solution. I wish I had figured that out when she was 22. I suffered for too long. Please don't be me! I got better in own recovery from codependency when I.started going to Nar Anon and also a private therapist. My marriage was over if I had not gotten help. I'm so glad I did. I learned the three Cs...we did not CAUSE our children's issues, we can not CONTROL them at all and we can't CURE thhem either. It is 100% on them. We can only control one person....our own self. We have no powers to make even a beloved child do what we want. And we can't make them be decent to us or anyone. Once we accept this fact we are able to move.on and learn how to make OUR life better with our loved ones and friends do who appreciate us. Or we can.keep hoping we can do the the impossible...change our child. We cut off The Bank of Mom and Dad and are closer now to our nice kids and friends. Our life is better. Our daughter is still not doing well. But we are. We cant mak .her happy. She can no longer make us u happy like we used to be I gave my daughter to God. If God is.in your life that helps to give our children to somethingc bigger than me.. Maybe you can try Nar Anon or CODA or a therapist. in my opinion its too hatd to do without lots of support..Hugs and love.❤ . [/QUOTE]
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