I am on my cell .Sigh. But I bought a computer today and paid for expedited shipping. My son will take a 614pm train to near where I am. I am unsure exactly where he's going and he is not either. He said he was going to a town a half hour away. There is a homeless shelter there but I am not clear if he's going there. It is raining here. He has been living about 3 hours away in the big metro where we are from. He's been sleeping in his friend's truck. For five months..I have not seen him for that long. That's twice as long as any other time. He says he's leaving where he is because there's too much drug activity. He seems not to get that when you're living in the street it's hard to get away from that. For the past three or four months we have been texting. It's been okay. I tried to push him to do a few things that are very important to me. Go to his liver doctor. Get a referral to a neuropsychologist. (I have a name.) Go to social services. I don't think any of it got done. In fact I know it didn't. I was pretty calm because first I knew his friend was involved. I knew he had a place to sleep. I could imagine he was working. Not. I knew he spent time with his friend ( since they were 12.) But now I'm flooded. The reason baggy's thread triggered me is that I have to face the growing probabilty that my son will not change, and will always be dependent. Will never do the basic things I feel to be essential. The hurdles I establish so that I will help him with housing he will not meet.. I need him to stay alive. I need to know his functional limits.and what is reasonable to expect. He does not actually need my help for housing if he cooperated enough to get section 8 housing. He would be at the top of the list. If he did that he would not have to worry about my hurdles. I wonder if he's together enough to go thru the process. (I'm so confused .He's highly articulate and bright. I do not understand what's wrong. I won't let myself.) My son would want to go back to the other house. I told him he could not. For now. M is staying there now. That in itself is not a big deal with regards to space .There are 2 to 3 bedrooms. But M would ride him. And I am not sure what is the right thing to do, for my son. Is this it? Is this the best he can do? Do I have to accept his not getting treatment for his liver? Do I have to accept that he won't go to a neuropsychologist? The marijuana I have put aside. There's no hope. I hoped that he could meet me at the therapists office, a recent deal, but the therapist called and said it was not a good idea. That my son had too many problems. Ouch. I was already very ambivalent about HIM. Now I don't want to go back. I feel so alone with this. I asked M to move out. This is just the second night (but I'm having trouble stopping cooking dinner for him. ) The four of us--one cat, two dogs, miss him so much. Stella sits in a chair facing the door. And m was always such a support to me with my son. If I did cave my son would have to come here, to my house. It would not work with M and my son now. M insists my son do something to change. He has no patience left. What if my son can't? That's why I freaked out on baggy's thread. I don't want to precipitate a crisis with M. Because I will pay the price. I don't want m to move out of there. As I write this I feel clearer. My son has to solve this. I can't. I need to tolerate this as he decides what he will do and wants to do. He is solving his problems by changing geographical location. i have to tolerate that. Today he spent the day at the library. Tonight he will be, who knows where? I need to stop bugging him about stuff he doesn't want to do. He knows he has to pay rent. He knows he has to see the liver doctor. He knows he needs a neuropsychogy evaluation. He knows I want to work with him. He knows I'll help him get a therapist. He knows I'll go with him to therapy. And he knows he can't come to my house or go to 20th. I need to stay in the present. One step at a time. I just wish it was different. I am very sad and lonely.