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I can't handle this anymore. At my breaking point.
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<blockquote data-quote="Missinghr" data-source="post: 530957" data-attributes="member: 14644"><p>Wow. Thank you for responding. I was reading these on my break at work and had to stop because you made me cry. When listening to other parents talk about their kids I usually feel only jealousy and failure because my own child is light years away from theirs. </p><p></p><p>I'm unsure what difficult child is an abbreviation of, but must be referring to our kids. I will do my best to put into words my difficult child. She has always been a challenge. Sensitive to the way her clothes felt from a very early age, potty trained before 2 because she didn't like diapers, couldn't wear socks, underwear, tags on clothes, or jeans due to the way they felt. She grew out of/learned to deal with these things over the past few years although she still wears socks and underwear inside out. She has always been head strong and determined. I used to think it would serve her well in life, but unfortunately she has not been able to channel it in a positive way. At least she's not a follower. She learned very early in life that nobody can truly "make" her do anything, and I learned to pick my battles. </p><p></p><p>Her father has no parenting skills. My semi professional opinion is that he is probably bipolar with conduct disorders. He learned to self medicate with marijuana when difficult child was about 2yo. He was super hard on her, expected too much from her for her age, and was/is verbally abusive. I tried my best to compensate for his harshness, but it lead to inconsistency and more harm than good I suppose. He became suicidal when I left him when she was 9yo and difficult child had constant anxiety because of this. I tried counseling for her at that time but dad convinced her that she shouldn't talk to strangers about family and personal problems. I have unfortunately not found a counselor that she has clicked with and she has always refused to go after 1 or 2 sessions. Communication between her and her dad is rare, random, and volatile. He monitors and parents(read as criticizes) her via Facebook, has seen her maybe once in the last 6 months. </p><p></p><p>She takes no medications, although recently for a short time(1week) took melatonin which seemed to help with her sleep cycle. She now refuses to take it. Not sure if she didn't like it interfering with her late nights, or if it's just because I want her to take it. </p><p></p><p>I know there is something beyond ODD. Some other imbalance. There has been a few times when she has verbalized a feeling of lack of control of her irritation and anger and not liked feeling that way. I have always been extremely careful not to compare her to her dad, but she has made the connection and said she is just like him. She prefers to place the blame for her behavior on me, her dad, our divorce, moving, etc etc...</p><p></p><p>My escape is my work. Something that I'm good at, and usually appreciated for. As an ER nurse I'm blessed by reminders that there are always worse things that happen to people every day. It's also a job that keeps my mind occupied with problems I can solve, and people whom I can make feel better. </p><p></p><p>I know I came to this website because of desperation, guilt, despair. I don't know what I'm looking for here. No easy answers, no magic pill. If I could have one wish, it would be inner peace for my daughter. </p><p></p><p>by the way, there was a hole in my bedroom door this morning from her foot. Grrr!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Missinghr, post: 530957, member: 14644"] Wow. Thank you for responding. I was reading these on my break at work and had to stop because you made me cry. When listening to other parents talk about their kids I usually feel only jealousy and failure because my own child is light years away from theirs. I'm unsure what difficult child is an abbreviation of, but must be referring to our kids. I will do my best to put into words my difficult child. She has always been a challenge. Sensitive to the way her clothes felt from a very early age, potty trained before 2 because she didn't like diapers, couldn't wear socks, underwear, tags on clothes, or jeans due to the way they felt. She grew out of/learned to deal with these things over the past few years although she still wears socks and underwear inside out. She has always been head strong and determined. I used to think it would serve her well in life, but unfortunately she has not been able to channel it in a positive way. At least she's not a follower. She learned very early in life that nobody can truly "make" her do anything, and I learned to pick my battles. Her father has no parenting skills. My semi professional opinion is that he is probably bipolar with conduct disorders. He learned to self medicate with marijuana when difficult child was about 2yo. He was super hard on her, expected too much from her for her age, and was/is verbally abusive. I tried my best to compensate for his harshness, but it lead to inconsistency and more harm than good I suppose. He became suicidal when I left him when she was 9yo and difficult child had constant anxiety because of this. I tried counseling for her at that time but dad convinced her that she shouldn't talk to strangers about family and personal problems. I have unfortunately not found a counselor that she has clicked with and she has always refused to go after 1 or 2 sessions. Communication between her and her dad is rare, random, and volatile. He monitors and parents(read as criticizes) her via Facebook, has seen her maybe once in the last 6 months. She takes no medications, although recently for a short time(1week) took melatonin which seemed to help with her sleep cycle. She now refuses to take it. Not sure if she didn't like it interfering with her late nights, or if it's just because I want her to take it. I know there is something beyond ODD. Some other imbalance. There has been a few times when she has verbalized a feeling of lack of control of her irritation and anger and not liked feeling that way. I have always been extremely careful not to compare her to her dad, but she has made the connection and said she is just like him. She prefers to place the blame for her behavior on me, her dad, our divorce, moving, etc etc... My escape is my work. Something that I'm good at, and usually appreciated for. As an ER nurse I'm blessed by reminders that there are always worse things that happen to people every day. It's also a job that keeps my mind occupied with problems I can solve, and people whom I can make feel better. I know I came to this website because of desperation, guilt, despair. I don't know what I'm looking for here. No easy answers, no magic pill. If I could have one wish, it would be inner peace for my daughter. by the way, there was a hole in my bedroom door this morning from her foot. Grrr! [/QUOTE]
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