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I do not want to be so afraid anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 690557" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Okay you guys. I asked D H how I appear to people who don't know me. Without batting an eye he said: "Nice."</p><p></p><p>Then he laughed and laughed.</p><p></p><p>So I gave him the finger and now, I am back.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>You will be fine, Copa. I am happy you decided to begin working again. Good for you, Copa. This is why you will be fine: Not everyone is a predator. You know now how to recognize an attack. It will key your shame base. You have appropriate response. Monitor your body language and ask the would be predator to clarify: "What do you mean."</p><p></p><p>Not a question. Not aggressive, either. </p><p></p><p>The key here is to recognize when our shame bases have been triggered. That is where predators do their damage. In our own shame bases. What the predator is doing is nothing personal to you. If they are doing it to you, they are doing it to others.</p><p></p><p>Again, nothing personal. </p><p></p><p>Someone here used to post about putting on her big girl panties. That imagery will help you too, I think. There are all kinds of people in the world. Be strong, be kind (and this includes to yourself), and you will be fine.</p><p></p><p>You are choosing this, Copa. You would not have made the decision to return to work if you were not fully ready.</p><p></p><p>On the peer versus client part.</p><p></p><p>This too is the shame base talking. Let her talk, let her tell you. This is where your strength defeats you, I think. You refuse to listen, leaving that part of you that requires validation to suffer alone. You protect the dungeon she is in, but she suffers there alone. That makes you vulnerable to someone discovering something unresolved, so you overcompensate.</p><p></p><p>We all do that, I think.</p><p></p><p>Very nice Copa, about going back to work. I am so pleased for you both.</p><p></p><p>May I ask, how is Dolly?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 690557, member: 17461"] Okay you guys. I asked D H how I appear to people who don't know me. Without batting an eye he said: "Nice." Then he laughed and laughed. So I gave him the finger and now, I am back. *** You will be fine, Copa. I am happy you decided to begin working again. Good for you, Copa. This is why you will be fine: Not everyone is a predator. You know now how to recognize an attack. It will key your shame base. You have appropriate response. Monitor your body language and ask the would be predator to clarify: "What do you mean." Not a question. Not aggressive, either. The key here is to recognize when our shame bases have been triggered. That is where predators do their damage. In our own shame bases. What the predator is doing is nothing personal to you. If they are doing it to you, they are doing it to others. Again, nothing personal. Someone here used to post about putting on her big girl panties. That imagery will help you too, I think. There are all kinds of people in the world. Be strong, be kind (and this includes to yourself), and you will be fine. You are choosing this, Copa. You would not have made the decision to return to work if you were not fully ready. On the peer versus client part. This too is the shame base talking. Let her talk, let her tell you. This is where your strength defeats you, I think. You refuse to listen, leaving that part of you that requires validation to suffer alone. You protect the dungeon she is in, but she suffers there alone. That makes you vulnerable to someone discovering something unresolved, so you overcompensate. We all do that, I think. Very nice Copa, about going back to work. I am so pleased for you both. May I ask, how is Dolly? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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