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I do not want to be so afraid anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690634" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There is a lovely column in today's NY Times written by Walter Mosley, of the great Ed Rollins mysteries, about Muhammad Ali. He talks about how Ali framed his own life--demonstating love of self, in the best sense, not of grandiosity but of self-worth, commitment to character and to the worth of others.</p><p></p><p>Mosley writes:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 20px">When I was 15 years old some kid at my school asked me what I felt about the draft and Vietnam. He wanted to know if I expected to go to war and if I was happy about that possibility. I told him that I had no intention of fighting the Vietnamese, “first, and most importantly, because I have no desire to be killed or maimed and secondly, because I feel no hatred toward or fear of the Vietnamese people.” These are the words I used and even at the time I wondered where they had come from.</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 20px">The answer was, of course, <a href="http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/a/muhammad_ali/index.html?inline=nyt-per&version=meter+at+0&module=meter-Links&pgtype=article&contentId=&mediaId=&referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F&priority=true&action=click&contentCollection=meter-links-click" target="_blank">Muhammad Ali</a>. His courageous and articulate stance against the imperialism of that war had seeped into my awareness without my knowledge; that’s how powerful he was. I mean, he was fast and strong in the ring, but Ali’s rope-a-dope or phantom punches were nothing compared with his character, his commitment to a code of conduct, and his unique ability to motivate the entire world.</p><p></p><p>And this: </p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 20px">Not everyone loved him. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you’re brash and outspoken and brave there are bound to be detractors. If you put human life above nationalism, or one God over another, there will be haters. But even here, over the decades, Ali changed many hearts and minds.</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p><p>These are thoughts I am having about myself, in light of this essay.</p><p></p><p>I asked M yesterday.<em> If I look so vulnerable, how is it that I have achieved so much.</em> </p><p></p><p>He answered:<em> because you persevered. You set your heart and mind on a goal and you never wavered. You got hit and you got up. And you went on.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I<em> remember </em>when Muhammad Ali was Cassius Clay. And I remember the rage and contempt directed at him when he stood up to the whole world and proclaimed himself to be Ali, the greatest. And I remember his arrest for standing up to the whole military industrial complex when he as if said, "hell no. I won't go" and kill. </p><p></p><p>Those with power threw every ounce of hatred and contempt at him...<em>which he would not accept</em>. And guess what, he prevailed and he survived on his own terms.</p><p></p><p>For some reason I decided to make a career in the prison industrial complex, every bit as cruel as the world Ali stood down. And I walk in there looking as meek as a sheep. </p><p></p><p>But I am Ali when I am there. I never remember one time backing down. Not one mean word. Not one time when I betrayed my responsibility for others. I have been interrogated and shamed and shunned.</p><p></p><p>But I have betrayed myself. By as Cedar says, locking myself into a dungeon and leaving myself there, afraid. </p><p></p><p>And this whole thread began as an exercise in the same: I was as much as shaming myself for my<em> natural fear </em>to return to a place where most would never go. </p><p></p><p>And what was my crime? <em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I stayed sweet. Like, Cedar. Nice. (Not a threat to anybody, not wanting to be.) Wow, what a moral transgression!</em></p><p></p><p>So here again are Mosley's words:</p><p></p><p style="margin-left: 20px">Not everyone loved him. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you’re brash and outspoken and brave there are bound to be detractors.</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p><p><em>Not everybody loved her. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you're sweet and soft-spoken and brave there are bound to be detractors.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Wow. People will hit you just because--you have a voice (soft or strong) and commit to it. It is natural to be afraid, not a stigma. Actually, I wonder if I am even afraid. If it is not excitement.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690634, member: 18958"] There is a lovely column in today's NY Times written by Walter Mosley, of the great Ed Rollins mysteries, about Muhammad Ali. He talks about how Ali framed his own life--demonstating love of self, in the best sense, not of grandiosity but of self-worth, commitment to character and to the worth of others. Mosley writes: [INDENT]When I was 15 years old some kid at my school asked me what I felt about the draft and Vietnam. He wanted to know if I expected to go to war and if I was happy about that possibility. I told him that I had no intention of fighting the Vietnamese, “first, and most importantly, because I have no desire to be killed or maimed and secondly, because I feel no hatred toward or fear of the Vietnamese people.” These are the words I used and even at the time I wondered where they had come from.[/INDENT] [INDENT]The answer was, of course, [URL='http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/a/muhammad_ali/index.html?inline=nyt-per&version=meter+at+0&module=meter-Links&pgtype=article&contentId=&mediaId=&referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F&priority=true&action=click&contentCollection=meter-links-click']Muhammad Ali[/URL]. His courageous and articulate stance against the imperialism of that war had seeped into my awareness without my knowledge; that’s how powerful he was. I mean, he was fast and strong in the ring, but Ali’s rope-a-dope or phantom punches were nothing compared with his character, his commitment to a code of conduct, and his unique ability to motivate the entire world.[/INDENT] And this: [INDENT]Not everyone loved him. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you’re brash and outspoken and brave there are bound to be detractors. If you put human life above nationalism, or one God over another, there will be haters. But even here, over the decades, Ali changed many hearts and minds. [/INDENT] These are thoughts I am having about myself, in light of this essay. I asked M yesterday.[I] If I look so vulnerable, how is it that I have achieved so much.[/I] He answered:[I] because you persevered. You set your heart and mind on a goal and you never wavered. You got hit and you got up. And you went on. [/I] I[I] remember [/I]when Muhammad Ali was Cassius Clay. And I remember the rage and contempt directed at him when he stood up to the whole world and proclaimed himself to be Ali, the greatest. And I remember his arrest for standing up to the whole military industrial complex when he as if said, "hell no. I won't go" and kill. Those with power threw every ounce of hatred and contempt at him...[I]which he would not accept[/I]. And guess what, he prevailed and he survived on his own terms. For some reason I decided to make a career in the prison industrial complex, every bit as cruel as the world Ali stood down. And I walk in there looking as meek as a sheep. But I am Ali when I am there. I never remember one time backing down. Not one mean word. Not one time when I betrayed my responsibility for others. I have been interrogated and shamed and shunned. But I have betrayed myself. By as Cedar says, locking myself into a dungeon and leaving myself there, afraid. And this whole thread began as an exercise in the same: I was as much as shaming myself for my[I] natural fear [/I]to return to a place where most would never go. And what was my crime? [I] I stayed sweet. Like, Cedar. Nice. (Not a threat to anybody, not wanting to be.) Wow, what a moral transgression![/I] So here again are Mosley's words:[I][/I] [INDENT]Not everyone loved him. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you’re brash and outspoken and brave there are bound to be detractors. [/INDENT] [I]Not everybody loved her. If you choose a side and commit to change, if you're sweet and soft-spoken and brave there are bound to be detractors. [/I] Wow. People will hit you just because--you have a voice (soft or strong) and commit to it. It is natural to be afraid, not a stigma. Actually, I wonder if I am even afraid. If it is not excitement.[I][/I] [/QUOTE]
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