I drove to California and picked him up...

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Yep! I really did it this time! He was on the edge a week ago Friday when he called. He told me I had always gone above and beyond for him...he was crying. I had no idea where in Napa he was exactly but I had been communicating with a few friends of his there that he had given my number to...he was in a very bad place mentally and emotionally...that's what his friends told me. He's been living on the streets for the better part of 6 months this time.

I talked to my husband and he said, I can't stop you. I called my mom and sons estranged wife...wife spoke up first to make the trip with me from Oklahoma to California and back.

Word got around Napa just before we arrived. He saw us drive in front of the Target there where he often hung out/slept behind the building. We picked him up and he couldn't believe it! We took him to our hotel and he cleaned up and we ate pizza with one of his friends...a girl who is also an Angel and often helped my son while he was homeless in Napa...
His estranged wife took pics of all of us to send back home.

We made our way through town the next morning and saw an old woman in a wheel chair making her way towards the Target shop. My son told me she was going to pay for him to take a bus and get back to Oklahoma but he had already lost his ID's by then. This is why I knew I had to go get him...he had no other way back home.
We gave the woman $20 and thanked her for her kindness toward my son while he was there. And we drove away.

Son mostly slept much of the trip home. We did run into a wildfire on the road and that was quite scary! But other than that it was uneventful. I did make a dr appointment for son and yesterday we went to the clinic and picked up medication. He has taken 2 doses so far and is still sleeping.

Oh ya and when we dropped off his wife to her mother's house Thursday night, his children all came out to greet son. His daughters were especially excited to see him. More pictures.

So now the hard part begins...he says he hears voices but hopes they will go away with time...while his brain heals. He also says he wants to go to AA and or Celebrate Recovery. He will also need to make amends with his dad.

I am hoping and praying that son is done with drugs. He has been through so much. I feel like this may be the last time he will be homeless.
Please if you have a spare prayer please pray that my son is finally done with drugs and the homeless life and truly wants help this time.
Thank you,
Love LMS
 

Lovebeingamom

New Member
Prayers for your son and your family. It may not be an easy road ahead, take each day (sometimes hour) at a time. Many good thoughts and prayers to you.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you all SO much for the hugs and your prayers! 😊❤️

Son apologized to dear husband Friday night and reached out to him for a hug. Dear husband reminded son that an apology is about changed behavior...not just feeling bad for hurting someone. We all talked for hours on the front porch. Mostly about work dear husband has for son after these first 2 weeks of healing.

Son reminded me on Friday night that Thanksgiving is coming up...sadly, his sister does not want him at her in-laws, where dear husband and I have been invited for this Thanksgiving. She doesn't want to be embarrassed. She really sees son as an equal. She sees him as more capable. She told me in text that she understands the squeaky wheel gets the grease but what about the daughter that gives you no trouble and loves you without hurting you. I thanked her for being who she is and her love and stability and I reminded her that family is not who we choose, unlike a spouse, but who we love and care for blemishes and all. She wouldn't budge. She is upset that son has cost us so much, has not supported his children etc. We changed the subject to my grand baby 👶 she is now carrying. We are SO excited that she was finally able to stay pregnant and carry a baby as she has experienced several miscarriages previously. It is a girl...thank G-d because the boys in our family have really struggled!
In any event, husband and I have decided to have 2 Thanksgivings this year...one with son and one with our daughters in laws.

Son asked me last night what we were doing today. I think I will check out local AA meetings in a minute. He really needs sober friends and to work a program.

Again...thank you ALL so much!
I believe in prayers,
Love,
LMS
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
LMS,
I will definitely pray for you, your son and family's healing. I do hope and pray that he gets the help needed. Remember the temptations of the addict are strong.

I would highly suggest you join Al anon. It's so hard for us to not want to fix our loved one's addictions and from my personal experience you will need support as well. Remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. I thought the love I had in my heart was enough to heal everyone but sadly it wasn't. My thoughts are you will need support because years of living with addicts makes us "sick" too. There will be times you are let down because that's just the way this stuff goes. You will need to get strong for yourself all the while that your son is getting stronger.

Many prayers coming your way!
 

susiestar

Roll With It
You and your family are always in my prayers. I hope this is a real bottom for your youngest. I hope he can see just how much above and beyond you have always gone for your kids! Let your daughter have her feelings. She has every right to not want her brother at her inlaws for a holiday. He needs to earn that trust back, not be given it on a platter. Brothers can be difficult and quite embarrassing! Trust me, I have a difficult brother, lol!
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Prayers for your family. I agree that your daughter is truly entitled not to trust. And trust is hard earned and rightfully so!!
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Hi RN and all…I am doing okay all things considered.
I booked a bus ticket last night for son to go back to California this Saturday. He reminded me yesterday that he can put whatever substances he wants in his body. He will go back to being homeless and using Meth.

I should have believed his actions when he took a whole bottle of my prescription Gabapentin within the first week he was here! But my heart wanted to believe otherwise. After driving thousands of miles thinking I had rescued my son…saved him from a near death drug induced episode…how could I believe that he wasn’t done? But he wasn’t.

Its been 18 years of using…and he has survived a lot…But this time I feel like it may be the last time I see him alive.
I told him that the next time he wants a way back home, it will be by his own efforts.

We did have all 3 of his children come visit us this past weekend and I know he got to have quality time playing games and goofing around with them.
I have considered what I will say if I need to speak at his funeral at some point. His children will need to know how much he truly did love them but was chained to drug use.

Son slept outside in the streets of our town last night and will continue to until he leaves Saturday afternoon. He was paid for work he did for husband and he wanted to use Kratom, as usual. I assume he’s been holding a sign up all morning in town so that he can buy more Kratom tonight.

As I drove away from my son last night, the song Desperado played on the radio… “ Freedom oh freedom well that’s just some people talking your prison is walking through this world all alone”
...But he has his drugs.

How very sad
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Lovemysons

I'm so very sorry to hear this but it is how things seem to work out until THEY decide to change their lives. Also it doesn't surprise me either as it seemed YOU were ready but he was not.

Please, please remember - your son CAN CHANGE his life if HE so chooses. It's really as simple as that.

I know the desperation you must feel because I have felt it too. My son started younger and did finally see the light (maybe) only because I totally turned my back on him (I couldn't bear the pain any longer) and he wanted his mom and family back AND most importantly is that we were able to get him into a Christian program that helped him sort himself out. I really feel that God fixed him because I prayed all day every day (mostly silent) for many, many years.

He has shown me so many miracles since then that I am in awe after waiting so many years feeling He wasn't listening or I wasn't praying right or maybe my son was just a lost cause and it was all hopeless. There is nothing worse than hopelessness, then you are truly defeated.

You did what you had to do and you felt was right. You can have no regrets either way. Your son and only your son will determine how his life will go. I think when I truly pulled away from my son emotionally that is what he needed to jolt him into THIS was how it was going to be because I would not accept him the way he was. I'd rather not have him at all if that was the way he was going to be. I still mean that to this day. I did not back down and I sometimes am in awe of the strength that I had. It was not easy.

No one will ever accuse you of not loving your son. Prayers for your continued strength and peace!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi sweetie. I am sorry. Don't write his eulogy yet. These kids of ours are, if nothing else, resilient.

We know a person whose son is a terrible addict living on the streets of somewhere south. He had an accident and was hospitalized in ICU. He almost died and has Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) now. He did not quit drugs.

It is two years and he is still alive. He is now nearing 40 and still here. I believe his drug of choice is heroin.

His father is an addict who has been clean for 30 years. He knows that he can't save his son. So his days of almost forcing him into rehab with gifts for doing so are over.

Your son may quit. But he will do it on his own timeline.

Please don't write him off yet. I do Nar Anons One Day At a Time a lot. I try to stay in the now.

Blessings and hugs.
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Lovemysons,
My heart breaks for you. I will keep you in my prayers that God not only changes him but changes you. In Al anon we are given this prayer that I said over and over through many tough times.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Early on I thought the part where it says "the courage to change the things I can" still meant to change my sons...but I found out it was the courage to change myself. To detach with love. Not an easy thing to do but necessary to realize we can't rescue them anymore like when they were little and fell down. We were there to pick them up, brush them off and put a band-aid on it. Now we have to learn to allow them the dignity to figure out they can be better and do better but it's often not in our time frame.

Don't give up.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you to each one of you for the wisdom, prayers and care.

My son didn’t stay in the streets of our little town long the other night…his wife drove up from Texas to Oklahoma to pick him up here. This, after first sending me a guilt ridden text about “putting him out in the streets right before the holidays.” Which of course, wasn’t wholly true.

But by Saturday, when she drove him back here to get on the bus to California, she hugged me, told me she loved me and that she was sorry. She saw his drug-craving behavior for herself over those few days that son was with her and the grandkids. Son even charged her $40 to hang up Christmas lights for his own children so that he could buy more Kratom.

He is now in California. He sent a text to me last night saying,
“I love you mama
always please remember your dream that God told you that I am safe and in His hands. Never worry for me to the point of sorrow. Remember always the moon will shine tonight the sun will rise in the morning and your son will come home again.”

Night time is the most difficult time for me…I am sure those of you with homeless children can relate. I say my prayers, toss and turn and get up to smoke a cigarette, yet nothing makes me feel better.
I wake up in the morning and dear husband and I discuss the situation about our son before he leaves for work. We both come to the same conclusion …it makes no sense. How can our son give up his children, his mama, his whole family? How can he not want warmth, a cozy bed, a hot shower, a fridge with food in it? No shelter except for drugs and a Bible. What a combination! Like I said, it makes no sense.
I am never going to be able to understand this…like dear husband often says, “The hardest thing in the world is to accept other people’s choices.”

My heart hurts.
 

Estherfromjerusalem

Well-Known Member
Love My Sons -- I saw this post yesterday but I just didn't know what to write to you. I just want to reach out to you and give you the strongest hug. You have done so much for your son, so very much, and then even more. There's a limit to what we can do for our children. We can't live their lives for them. It seems that the hardest thing is letting go and letting them do their own thing, and somehow, just somehow, coming to terms with it and accepting it for what it is. He knows how much you love him, and he loves you back. That is an enormous achievement, in my opinion. No one could do more for their child than what you have done. You are an amazing mother.

Love, Esther
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Hi dear Esther,

Well it’s nighttime here and I find myself once again worrying about my son. Had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with our daughter and her in-laws family but even there I found myself in a conversation with daughter about addiction. She is studying for her Masters degree and just recently took a class on addiction in which she scored a 97. She was talking to me about street drugs vs clean drugs and education to the homeless population, housing etc. She mentioned those who go on and off street drugs and end up OD’ing.

I texted son this morning and told him Happy Thanksgiving and that we love him. Nothing in response all day now. So I wait and wonder...has he lost his phone already, is his phone out of minutes, is he in the hospital, or even worse? No answer.

I want to thank you though for the reassurance that I have been a good mom... And that my son loves me.
I wish love were enough to solve the problem. It seems my son is driven by one thing and one thing only. Drugs. And I know logically that he has survived a lot! But how can you keep pushing it to the extreme and not self destruct? He has given up his family, job opportunities, a nice home, and most of all...his self respect. He has nothing to be proud of out there...nothing to make progress or move forward in life.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m tired. I guess I need to go to bed and say my prayers. Maybe I’ll hear from him tomorrow, or not.
I wish my therapist would come back from her break soon...I know I need help. I’ve given Al anon plenty of time in the past so I know what is there too but I prefer one on one these days, not the group setting.

Anyway...I love you Esther
You‘ve always been a great friend to me.
lms
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
“I love you mama
always please remember your dream that God told you that I am safe and in His hands. Never worry for me to the point of sorrow. Remember always the moon will shine tonight the sun will rise in the morning and your son will come home again.”
Dear lovemysons:

I don't have anything to say that you and the others haven't already. I just want to say that for all of the heartbreak and pain this is about the most beautiful thread I have read here ever, or at least in quite some time. The love of all of you, of each of you, one for the other, just shines through the pages and the universe.

There are some people whose quest is to wander. I have come to believe that even in their degradation what they search for is the most profound sense of G-d. In what your son wrote to you he has distilled the truth of the ages in his words. They are a prayer. For all of us. Just gazing again at what he wrote, I sigh deeply and exhale, at peace.

There is recovery from meth, I've seen it in my own town which was overrun for many years and now it is not. The meth psychosis can endure for a time but usually fades. Many of the people in my town, who have recovered, form the backbone of loving service to others who struggle, who, if it is faced, are all of us, and each of us.

I feel so connected to you and to your son, by reading this thread. Your son is a gifted man. I pray, as do each of the other mothers here, that he will settle into his strengths and loving heart. And I know you pray for our sons and daughters, likewise.
 
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