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Parent Emeritus
I found myself here because I made my daughter leave today and am now remorseful
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<blockquote data-quote="Fifi_1123" data-source="post: 760704" data-attributes="member: 27897"><p>Thank you hope I do. </p><p>I reread my posting and in light of day my typos I see are because I was crying so hard. I am majorly sad. I tried to do the welfare check and got the runaround from three different police departments. Even though the boys she’s with has had several citations in the last month they say they have no reliable address even though the life 360 shows that address. No one in my family has seen her or heard from her for two days other than one text from her to me after I gave one nice police officer her phone number and he offered to call her. He never called me back but I got a short terse answer from her I am fine I will call you when I’m ready to talk to you. So I will leave it at that I have change the locks I have change the codes I have taken all the keys from where they are I have change the garage code and taking the garage door opener from the vehicle that she drove and damaged. I offered by text to replace some of the money that I know she spent out of her own bank account while we were on vacation and it was not to compensate or to do anything other than to be kind on my part</p><p>She did respond back with a crazy exorbitant amount that made no sense. So I’m just gonna wait until she’s ready to talk and we will talk about that money then. I’ve come to the realization that no matter how hard I try to get her to see how her actions and abstinence works against her and her only and it’s hurting her that if she doesn’t want to make the changes she will be the only one to make the changes and if she messes up it’s on her.</p><p>I have also come to the realization that I wouldn’t want to be my mother. I guess you could say I’m the authoritarian type parent. I do know that it’s not that I was inflexible but if you have rules you have rules and you have to stand your ground and you try to make them have boundaries because that’s what they are the craving boundaries and she did have boundaries she just blew by them like they weren’t there and since I didn’t do natural consequences way back when I should have that’s probably while we are in the pickle we are in now.</p><p></p><p>my goal at this point on is to try to mend a relationship in order for us to have a relationship. I looked back over mini pictures over the years and she’s growing up and I miss that child so much. There are so many things that we missed out on because of the struggles that we had with her not following the rules and me trying to reinforce those rules it was just like a broken record over and over and over again. So today on my way to work across this huge river that’s in our city and a very popular event is to go rafting down this river. The biggest deepest saddest regret hit my soul. </p><p>this is the summer we should be able to go rafting with her and some of my friends are with family and really having a great time instead of all of this arguing and bickering and the ugliness. And I looked back and I think that girl that I thought she was she is not and that’s what I have to come to terms with. I didn’t do OK sitting here at home alone but I did do OK once I got out of the house and got to work. Being that it’s a Covid pandemic and I work in healthcare we were very very very busy. This past rainy Sunday was awful we always spent rainy sundays in the couch watching movies eating popcorn making cookies and just chilling out. Those days appear to be gone too soon. </p><p>if my parenting has caused this rift then I think I’ll forever have these regrets.</p><p>I am still looking for advice and opinions no matter how harsh they may be. I read through many posts on this website and others thankfully I do have insight to my own actions and how this may have perpetuated and made things worse. I do wish I had gone back and made a point to have her saying it to make sure she has a diagnosis but I didn’t want her labeled I get that. And this may be what harmed her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fifi_1123, post: 760704, member: 27897"] Thank you hope I do. I reread my posting and in light of day my typos I see are because I was crying so hard. I am majorly sad. I tried to do the welfare check and got the runaround from three different police departments. Even though the boys she’s with has had several citations in the last month they say they have no reliable address even though the life 360 shows that address. No one in my family has seen her or heard from her for two days other than one text from her to me after I gave one nice police officer her phone number and he offered to call her. He never called me back but I got a short terse answer from her I am fine I will call you when I’m ready to talk to you. So I will leave it at that I have change the locks I have change the codes I have taken all the keys from where they are I have change the garage code and taking the garage door opener from the vehicle that she drove and damaged. I offered by text to replace some of the money that I know she spent out of her own bank account while we were on vacation and it was not to compensate or to do anything other than to be kind on my part She did respond back with a crazy exorbitant amount that made no sense. So I’m just gonna wait until she’s ready to talk and we will talk about that money then. I’ve come to the realization that no matter how hard I try to get her to see how her actions and abstinence works against her and her only and it’s hurting her that if she doesn’t want to make the changes she will be the only one to make the changes and if she messes up it’s on her. I have also come to the realization that I wouldn’t want to be my mother. I guess you could say I’m the authoritarian type parent. I do know that it’s not that I was inflexible but if you have rules you have rules and you have to stand your ground and you try to make them have boundaries because that’s what they are the craving boundaries and she did have boundaries she just blew by them like they weren’t there and since I didn’t do natural consequences way back when I should have that’s probably while we are in the pickle we are in now. my goal at this point on is to try to mend a relationship in order for us to have a relationship. I looked back over mini pictures over the years and she’s growing up and I miss that child so much. There are so many things that we missed out on because of the struggles that we had with her not following the rules and me trying to reinforce those rules it was just like a broken record over and over and over again. So today on my way to work across this huge river that’s in our city and a very popular event is to go rafting down this river. The biggest deepest saddest regret hit my soul. this is the summer we should be able to go rafting with her and some of my friends are with family and really having a great time instead of all of this arguing and bickering and the ugliness. And I looked back and I think that girl that I thought she was she is not and that’s what I have to come to terms with. I didn’t do OK sitting here at home alone but I did do OK once I got out of the house and got to work. Being that it’s a Covid pandemic and I work in healthcare we were very very very busy. This past rainy Sunday was awful we always spent rainy sundays in the couch watching movies eating popcorn making cookies and just chilling out. Those days appear to be gone too soon. if my parenting has caused this rift then I think I’ll forever have these regrets. I am still looking for advice and opinions no matter how harsh they may be. I read through many posts on this website and others thankfully I do have insight to my own actions and how this may have perpetuated and made things worse. I do wish I had gone back and made a point to have her saying it to make sure she has a diagnosis but I didn’t want her labeled I get that. And this may be what harmed her. [/QUOTE]
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I found myself here because I made my daughter leave today and am now remorseful
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