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Parent Emeritus
I found myself here because I made my daughter leave today and am now remorseful
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 760724" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>'The only person that can save your daughter's life, is your daughter........ If she wants to do this, you can't stop her. There is nothing you can do or not do to stop her. We've all tried. It doesn't work."</p><p></p><p>"By helping ourselves, we help our children. Helping ourselves means regaining control over our homes and our lives.... It means centering ourselves in us, not them, and giving responsibility to our children to live their best lives."</p><p></p><p>I believe Copa said this. Soooo true words.</p><p></p><p>A former owner of this site use to say something about "meet me half way." This phrase keeps popping into my head.</p><p></p><p>This is something, we have used and gotten more positives results from with our daughter. It is a huge blessing for everyone. I don't know if she realizes it or not. Maybe she feels that she is getting help. A deal. I don't know. But, we hope it is teaching her that if she puts ZERO effort into making correct choices..her results will be ZERO. </p><p></p><p>But it is a sign that was needed. Of course, I wish it were more. Things are still extraordinarily difficult.</p><p></p><p>But, when we see her trying a little or willing to compromise here and there...it shows a little something. If we did not see any of that...it screams something to us. Some effort on her part is needed. Some willingness to do better. Some something.</p><p></p><p>We have used various expressions with her that have helped and that is one of them. "Meet me half way or this wont happen." Period.</p><p>Another is "Take it or leave it." Of course, she doesn't care for the second one. But, that is at times necessary.</p><p></p><p>The first one shows her there is some hope...but without any effort on her part...well...that's her choice and so be it.</p><p></p><p>My son went through a rough patch and it was hard...but I moved on. I got him some help, got a new job, found activities I enjoyed and I think our son observed that I wasn't wallowing in the aggravation he chose to bring upon himself. He moved on himself and did very well. I wasn't going to be part of his bad behavior.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter is much more difficult. She is unwell. It often takes longer. And perhaps will never be fully ok. Sigh. And she is often coming from a very strange, difficult place. Having one or two healthy friends that she respects has been very helpful. She might bounce ideas off of them..."well my parents say if I don't go to the doctor regularly...they are not going to "blank." And her friends would say things like "that sounds fair." (Often to her extreme shock...but she tends to accept it when they say things like that).</p><p></p><p>Believe me, I have been in the depths of despair. There have been very scary times. I did turn to my Higher Power to get me through them. I just thought I should mention that this expression "meet me half way" has helped me at times with her...especially in recent years.</p><p></p><p>Sending good thoughts to all who are suffering with these profoundly VERY difficult situations...you can't do it for them. They have to be willing to make at least some effort.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 760724, member: 4152"] 'The only person that can save your daughter's life, is your daughter........ If she wants to do this, you can't stop her. There is nothing you can do or not do to stop her. We've all tried. It doesn't work." "By helping ourselves, we help our children. Helping ourselves means regaining control over our homes and our lives.... It means centering ourselves in us, not them, and giving responsibility to our children to live their best lives." I believe Copa said this. Soooo true words. A former owner of this site use to say something about "meet me half way." This phrase keeps popping into my head. This is something, we have used and gotten more positives results from with our daughter. It is a huge blessing for everyone. I don't know if she realizes it or not. Maybe she feels that she is getting help. A deal. I don't know. But, we hope it is teaching her that if she puts ZERO effort into making correct choices..her results will be ZERO. But it is a sign that was needed. Of course, I wish it were more. Things are still extraordinarily difficult. But, when we see her trying a little or willing to compromise here and there...it shows a little something. If we did not see any of that...it screams something to us. Some effort on her part is needed. Some willingness to do better. Some something. We have used various expressions with her that have helped and that is one of them. "Meet me half way or this wont happen." Period. Another is "Take it or leave it." Of course, she doesn't care for the second one. But, that is at times necessary. The first one shows her there is some hope...but without any effort on her part...well...that's her choice and so be it. My son went through a rough patch and it was hard...but I moved on. I got him some help, got a new job, found activities I enjoyed and I think our son observed that I wasn't wallowing in the aggravation he chose to bring upon himself. He moved on himself and did very well. I wasn't going to be part of his bad behavior. Our daughter is much more difficult. She is unwell. It often takes longer. And perhaps will never be fully ok. Sigh. And she is often coming from a very strange, difficult place. Having one or two healthy friends that she respects has been very helpful. She might bounce ideas off of them..."well my parents say if I don't go to the doctor regularly...they are not going to "blank." And her friends would say things like "that sounds fair." (Often to her extreme shock...but she tends to accept it when they say things like that). Believe me, I have been in the depths of despair. There have been very scary times. I did turn to my Higher Power to get me through them. I just thought I should mention that this expression "meet me half way" has helped me at times with her...especially in recent years. Sending good thoughts to all who are suffering with these profoundly VERY difficult situations...you can't do it for them. They have to be willing to make at least some effort. [/QUOTE]
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I found myself here because I made my daughter leave today and am now remorseful
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