I am posting this here as it pertains to my family of origin and has little to do with my children. Background: My parents divorced when I was 12. My father is now married to a woman who I call the Cactus Queen. Some of you may recall that I invited my step-sister I'll call her Letty (CQ's daughter) to join this forum. Letty and I have thought for years that her mother is a narcissist. I won't bore you with the details. Letty has a biological sister whom I will call Sally. Sally and Letty have not spoken in years. I am on speaking terms with both of them. I also have two brothers whom I will call Mark and Randy. Mark lives nearby, but I have noticed a psychological distance between us in recent years. There is an underlying tension between us that I don't fully understand. Letty and I are thinking that perhaps CQ has been filling his ears with dirt on me. I only know that he no longer respects me and would rather have no contact with me. Randy gets along with everyone but he lives in another state. Recent events: my father has been suffering a mental decline. Two years ago, Mark and Randy pushed Dad to see a doctor about his memory loss. Dad made an appointment to be assessed but ending up not going. A year dragged by. Finally, CQ encouraged him to see a new doctor. I volunteered to go along. We went to the internist, and I was gobsmacked by my father's incompetence. He could not find his license in his wallet. I had to fill out all the paperwork and have him sign it. He could not answer ANY of the doctor's questions correctly. (How many children do you have? Who is the president? What road are we on? etc.) I dutifully typed out an email to my siblings explaining the severity of Dad's memory loss. Mark's response was "where have you been?" Out of all of us, he has the most contact with Dad. He had witnessed Dad's decline but not said a word to the rest of us, except possibly to Sally. Randy who works as a neuropsychologist, encouraged Dad to make a visit to a neurologist for a more thorough evaluation. I worked with CQ to make that happen. In October, the three of us visited the neurologist. Dad did a little better on the questions since he had been taking Aricept since August. Of note, since I was the "child" who went to the appointments, I was also the person they added to the HIPPA release. All this time we had been concerned about Dad's driving. I rode with him to that appointment, and his driving was fine. CQ reported to the doctor that his driving was fine. On Christmas day, Mark had all of us to go to dinner at his house except Randy who was visiting with his wife's relatives. Mark actually made a snide comment to me about that choice. Dinner went well except that Dad did not recognize my mother and played it off as it was joke. As luck would have it, Dad, CQ and Sally left in the car ahead of us (my SO, my kids and Letty). We watched in horror as Dad ran two stop signs, kept weaving over the double yellow lines, rolled of the right side of the road and over corrected landing in the oncoming lane on a blind curve. I was texting Sally who was in the car and pretty shaken. We followed Dad an extra leg on his journey, skipping our normal turn off, and watched him exceed the speed limit and not use any turn signals. Happily, he made it home without accident. SO, Letty and I were horrified. I wrote another email to all the sibs explaining what I had witnessed and saying that I was planning to report Dad to DMV. Mark responded with "now is not the time for Dad to stop driving. I have been riding with him several times and his driving is not perfect but he should be allowed to continue." Mark also called CQ to tell her that I was contesting Dad's right to drive. I called and spoke to Dad's doctors who want him to be evaluated by an occupational therapist at the hospital. Letty and I ended up going over to speak to CQ and Dad. It was a horrible meeting. Dad denied everything down to the lack of turn signals. "They must be broken." The car is brand new. We tried to have a pleasant conversation, but considering that neither CQ nor Dad could admit that his driving was dangerous, it turned harsh quickly. I told Dad that either he would agree to be evaluated at the hospital or I would file a report with DMV. So in the aftermath, Mark is furious that I even spoke to Dad. I had no right. HE is the executor of Dad's will. He is IN CHARGE, and I am so mean to deny him the RIGHT to drive. He will be changing the HIPPA form posthaste. (I wonder if he is willing to take off of work to go the appointments with Dad.) Sally is more in the middle of "the road" on the issue. She knows Dad's driving was terrible, she wasn't going to confront him on it, but I handled it all wrong because Letty went with me. I shouldn't have "surprised them" with the discussion. Dad is now depressed. We need to speak to them kindly. I explained to her that we tried the nice route and were up against a solid brick wall of denial. I would not even have attempted to take this on except that innocent lives of strangers are at stake every time Dad gets behind the wheel. Sally and Mark seem to think that Dad's feelings should take precedence. I wonder if they would feel the same way if he had killed an entire family on Christmas day. And Cactus Queen? We asked that she take over the driving but she does not want to give up her chauffeur. She doesn't know how to drive the truck. Excuse, after excuse. We even presented them with a list of alternative modes of transport to which they said, "We aren't going to use a SERVICE!!" Sorry that I wrote a novel.