I need ideas and need them fast

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I posted before about our 17-year-old adopted granddaughter. In the past year she had an addiction to meth. We've tried different resources in and near our community. And she spent 28 days in the juvenile facility 200 miles away. She is actually doing better and has had clean drug tests.

    But, and I guess there's always a but...it seems she is abusing using alcohol. And I know many teens use alcohol, but she was caught at school with rum and pop in a cup by a teacher. A month ago her case manager picked her up after school and smelled alcohol. My daughter told her that she was waiting for the case manager to pick her up she took a drink of someone's pop that had whiskey in it. The case manager contacted me several days later after she made the report to her supervisor.

    I confronted my daughter and she made it sound like an isolated event she just wanted to try some ones drink. But this latest incident had to be reported and so the court services officer was notified, he called me and told me to also notify the rehab place we've been attending In a nearby town. Well not really nearby, it's an hours drive both ways.

    The rehab director told me he wants her to return to classes three times a week for three hours a class. This would involve at least five hours of my day. At night I would have to leave by 5 PM and wouldn't return home until 10 PM! If I did the morning class she would miss three days of school...as her school ends at 2:30 and it would take til 1:30 to get back! And that is without stopping for any lunch.

    I am going to call her court services officer and ask about alternatives. I dont know if there are good options in our community. That is why I was willing to take her three times a week this summer to a place an hour away. She didn't have school and I didn't have work and it was in the mornings and she wasn't missing school. I don't want to drive an hour to and from after dark... And it gets dark here by 5 PM in the winter... Plus I would have to deal with driving in possible bad weather and or road conditions.

    D c has admitted she does have an addiction to alcohol...I want to get her help, but I am NOT going to agree to drive 60 miles away for night meetings three times a week or have her miss three days of school to go to meetings during the day. This originally was not court ordered...but something I researched and found that our insurance would cover.

    Any ideas?
     
  2. Enmeshedmom

    Enmeshedmom Member

    Is there a drug and alcohol counselor available at her school? I know when my son was in high school they had one, she was spread pretty thin but when I reached out to her she made time to meet with my son a few times and had resources for outside services as well.
     
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  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Would it be fine for another inpatient program? She is not fairing well with the intensive out patient options. Could she attend an in patient long term program followed by sober living and continue with school while in the program?
     
  4. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    I agree with LBL completely. An in patient solution solves for the distance and doesn't interupt school. She's so young, I hope she gets the help now so you're not still posting 10 years later.

    Good luck.
     
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  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi KSM

    My older adult step-son once told me that he has no real “drug of choice”. He will use anything to get high. When “spice” was easily available, he used that. When he turned 21 and could buy alcohol legally, that became his go-to, daily high.

    There is always something out there to get addicted to.

    She needs to learn how to deal with her addictive tendencies. I wish step-son would do that.

    Is there any way to get her into a long-term program? Several people on this forum have had success with year-long programs.
     
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  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    There is no long term program for juveniles in our state...just one place that takes teens for 28 days. Been there done that, and the court officer will not send her again.

    The other options are places that cost 3 to 6,000 a month.

    Not an option for us... Ksm
     
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    KSM

    You can send her to a long term faith based program. They are reasonable.

    Maybe the threat of that will turn her around?

    If I had a do over, I would have done it a long time ago for our son!
     
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I agree with RN is there a teen challenge in your state. are they for males or males and females?

    KSM I feel your frustration. Hang in there. And. I don’t blame you one bit for not investing this amount of time in her again.

    My son is on the thin ice side of the pond and he is so drug brained I don’t think he gets it.
     
  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member


    I have called multiple teen challenge places and those were the $3000 to $6000 a month places. When she is 18 that might be an option. But when she is 18, she could decide not to do it. I don't think the court would let me send her out of state...as we are under court supervision.

    I am waiting to hear back from the case manager...

    Ksm
     
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi ksm. It certainly would not be fair to force you to drive for that many hours a day. If the court has ordered this, it seems like they should be responsible for finding a way for your granddaughter to get there and back.

    In my school district, some parents have fought and won and made the school district pay for an alternative program for their child when the school could not provide adequate on-site programs. Could you look into something like that? Especially if the court has ordered it?

    You have certainly been through the ringer lately.

    ~Kathy
     
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  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    From what I understand with Teen Challenge, they take what you can afford but you have to really get into a conversation with them about this.

    Also I agree with Kathy about looking into the school district placement. They really have to do something if you complain enough. But you have to do it very quickly since she is already 17.

    There is no way you can drive that much. That's insane.
     
  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    The court did not order that we attend the rehab 60 miles away. Before we got D c a Medicaid card, it was the place suggested by our personsal BCBS ins. I was willing to do it...it was end of May, June, and July. Then she went to the 28 day place. Then we went twice a week in September, then once a week for an hour in October and November.

    We live in the Midwest...winters are no fun. There is practically 50 miles with only one small town with a gas station between our town and where the rehab is located. Not going to do this... I wrote the place a letter... I will let you know what they respond.

    Ksm
     
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    teen challeng only offered us a sample letter to send to friends and family to solicit money for her to attend, or connect me with a business that loans money, or suggest that we ask our church to pay for it.

    Honest. I have tried multiple places. It's not user friendly for teens. For adults, who are willing to work to cover the costs of their care, it would be a good thing.

    Ksm
     
  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    job corps accepts youth with multiple issues. some centers, if not all, have substance abuse counselors on staff, recognizing that kids need help with addiction.

    she is old enough for job corps.

    that drive in dead winter at night...no way.
     
  15. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Apparently, she just isn't ready yet. Ask her to identify the roadblocks. People cannot solve every problem in life, so you have to find better coping mechanism. What are her interests and hobbies? It helps to occupy the mind. Creative writing is one of the subjects I teach, and some of my kids find it very therapeutic.
     
  16. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    [QUOTE="Crayola13, post: Creative writing is one of the subjects I teach, and some of my kids find it very therapeutic.[/QUOTE]

    She does love to write. Mostly poetry. And draw. Plus I recently got her started on painting rocks. There are groups that paint rocks with pictures, a kind word, or a quote and leave them in random places for others to find. We just did that on Saturday, and I put hers in our youth auction at church, and it brought $8.

    I am going to try and find a yoga class, it was something she enjoyed at the 28 day residential facility. Ksm
     
  17. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She is in an alternate school and probably has 4 to 6 weeks left and will get a high school diploma. I don't want to move her, because then she would have to get GED instead, and here, the GED process takes longer than what she needs for diploma.

    I have checked on job Corp for her and her sister...have the paper work here and have already talked to the person who starts the application process.

    Ksm
     
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  18. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Here is the email reply from the director of the rehab facility.

    Mine is for her to attend 3 days weekly 3 hour sessions in the even (evening)
    sessions, if the weather gets bad worry about that then. She is continuing
    to use and needs major accountability. This is not a game she is in major
    trouble with a progressive disease of addiction. Just let me know you
    decision. There is a treatment their I can set her up in she can go and
    follow through there.

    Well, I have been attending my own 12 step program and I have learned that I haven't caused her problem, I can't control it and I can't cure it. I also trying to let go and let God. The court services officer, the case manager, and the family preservation worker all said they understood my position, and would not commit to that amount of driving.

    I also wonder if the $100 a visit that BCBS pays has anything to do with pushing us to keep going has any thing to do with it??

    I feel as I have gone over and above what most parents would do. She is doing well in school, she is following rules and curfew. I know there are no guarantees, and the rehab director can't guarantee that 12 more visits will fix all our problems. And I am sure there is no money back guarantee.

    Ksm
     
  19. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    And she has identified her triggers...and the main one is living in this town with the people she used to use with.

    She spent 5 days over Thanksgiving with a friend and her mom in a city 200 miles away. She says it lets her be someone else...the kids just hang out and have fun and do typical teen stuff. Things she said she missed here. Mostly because her first boyfriend in high school got her started down this path.

    The mom has told her she welcome to live with them, but she's a minor and I don't think the court will allow us to do that until they close her child in need of care case. Ksm
     
  20. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    4 to 6 weeks left to complete high school is nothing. it sounds like you've got a plan. if the director believes that her faclity is the indispensabe piece right now let her devote some thought and resources in how to resolve the transportation issue.

    there must be other families, employees who live your way. or some form of subsidy to pay towards uber rides. i don't know. the thing is no one single thing is the only answer.

    while this addiction/recovery piece is crucial it is likely to be her lifelong struggle. this is not solved in 4 weeks. no matter how important and essential this director feels to be her program.

    what about aa, na and al anon for younger daughter for right now?
     
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    Last edited: Dec 5, 2017