Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="TwinkleToes" data-source="post: 751478" data-attributes="member: 24409"><p>Thank you Copa! And thanks to all for the condolences and heartfelt sympathies. You’re so spot on about the rage I experience coming from not setting boundaries. It’s also from me giving with conditions and that’s proven to be an exercise in disaster. Now I can see how that’s an unhealthy dynamic and, unbeknownst to me, a way to way keep some control over her. I’ve been assuming, wrongly, she wants what I want for her...to do what society deems necessary to have some security and comfort. Erin does not have an outwardly mean streak or spirit, but I thank you for pointing out and validating that her actions with regard to withholding my grandson from me is a way to have total power and control over me. She’s covert in expressing her anger. It IS abusive. I’ve thought perhaps it’s better to grieve the loss of my relationship with my grandson now and not put myself in a position to be shattered and manipulated again. It sounds good on paper, but I’d walk over hot coals to see him. That said, I will not be able to handle him coming in and out of my life. How do I have a conversation with her when she calls or wants to meet to talk? You’re all so right - I have a lot to learn. I am proud of myself for two things. 1) Six years ago when Erin & Bum moved in with me, I saw pretty quickly they weren’t following house rules and I kicked them out. Living with me has been off the table from that day forward. I’ve been asked and they’ve been denied. 2) I told her if she goes back to Bum I will withdraw all support. I did it in 30 minutes flat. I’m not saying giving with conditions wasn’t flawed, I can see that now, but I stood behind what I said and what I would do. I made agreements with her time and time again after she’d shown me she doesn’t keep her word. I did that to feel better about doing what I shouldn’t have been doing. My value system and hers are different. Always have been. What I see now is I can’t project that onto her anymore. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair. I read on here that someone’s child joined the circus. I can only image the horror of hearing that but I can also see how they had that right. I have so much to learn. I thank you all for your time, kindness and experience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TwinkleToes, post: 751478, member: 24409"] Thank you Copa! And thanks to all for the condolences and heartfelt sympathies. You’re so spot on about the rage I experience coming from not setting boundaries. It’s also from me giving with conditions and that’s proven to be an exercise in disaster. Now I can see how that’s an unhealthy dynamic and, unbeknownst to me, a way to way keep some control over her. I’ve been assuming, wrongly, she wants what I want for her...to do what society deems necessary to have some security and comfort. Erin does not have an outwardly mean streak or spirit, but I thank you for pointing out and validating that her actions with regard to withholding my grandson from me is a way to have total power and control over me. She’s covert in expressing her anger. It IS abusive. I’ve thought perhaps it’s better to grieve the loss of my relationship with my grandson now and not put myself in a position to be shattered and manipulated again. It sounds good on paper, but I’d walk over hot coals to see him. That said, I will not be able to handle him coming in and out of my life. How do I have a conversation with her when she calls or wants to meet to talk? You’re all so right - I have a lot to learn. I am proud of myself for two things. 1) Six years ago when Erin & Bum moved in with me, I saw pretty quickly they weren’t following house rules and I kicked them out. Living with me has been off the table from that day forward. I’ve been asked and they’ve been denied. 2) I told her if she goes back to Bum I will withdraw all support. I did it in 30 minutes flat. I’m not saying giving with conditions wasn’t flawed, I can see that now, but I stood behind what I said and what I would do. I made agreements with her time and time again after she’d shown me she doesn’t keep her word. I did that to feel better about doing what I shouldn’t have been doing. My value system and hers are different. Always have been. What I see now is I can’t project that onto her anymore. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair. I read on here that someone’s child joined the circus. I can only image the horror of hearing that but I can also see how they had that right. I have so much to learn. I thank you all for your time, kindness and experience. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
Top