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Substance Abuse
I saw my son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 759994" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hey, I am so sorry. That fighting is NOT fun!</p><p></p><p>Exactly for that reason, my husband, Kay's father, and I almost divorced. I don't know what your relationship with your spouse is like, but I am so glad I got help and did not get divorced over Kay. At one time it was possible. I thought he was being too rough on Kay.</p><p></p><p>We fought and he even left for a few months to think things over. We both missed one another and talked on the phone or met for coffee. Meanwhile things got even worse with Kay. Her demands ramped up...she called one then the other. She often asked if I was leaving her father. He was the tougher parent. I think she liked that she could break us up.</p><p></p><p>Then I joined Nar Anon and we both got into therapy together and I was the one who genuinely started changing....seeing things the way they were. Facing that Kay was destroying the whole family and that my husband was right not to want her home again, not to want to pay her bills again. She was 30 and we had spent a lot of our money on her and yet she was broke and even worse. And we'd be broke too if we didn't stop being her bank.</p><p></p><p>My husband is my best friend and so supportive and sweet and my daughter isn't even nice to us. I think, if you value your marriage, your husband needs to come first.</p><p></p><p>Staying with you one night would not have changed the world for your son. He knows you love him too But it did have you fighting with your husband.</p><p></p><p>Maybe next time set him up in a decent motel. Once they come back often things just get worse and they expect more.</p><p></p><p>Now your son is still young. When Kay was that young we both were trying to save her. It took ten years for me to stop. So it is still early in the game for you and I pray that your son straightens out so you don't go thru this for ten years. I don't fault you for anything you do. I just know that for me, my husband is the one who is there for me long term. Even my successful kids, while loving, have their own lives and my daughter has kids and a fiance. Rick now runs our business and we see him a lot but he is in a serious relationship too. We don't want to push them to see us all the time. We do see them lots and know they love us, but....</p><p></p><p>In the end it is ourselves and our SO. I fought with him over Kay but came to feel that he had been right all along. He saw how she was destroying the rest of us. You have other children too? These problem kids affect the other kids a lot too.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you do all of us will always support you. Sending prayers and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 759994, member: 23706"] Hey, I am so sorry. That fighting is NOT fun! Exactly for that reason, my husband, Kay's father, and I almost divorced. I don't know what your relationship with your spouse is like, but I am so glad I got help and did not get divorced over Kay. At one time it was possible. I thought he was being too rough on Kay. We fought and he even left for a few months to think things over. We both missed one another and talked on the phone or met for coffee. Meanwhile things got even worse with Kay. Her demands ramped up...she called one then the other. She often asked if I was leaving her father. He was the tougher parent. I think she liked that she could break us up. Then I joined Nar Anon and we both got into therapy together and I was the one who genuinely started changing....seeing things the way they were. Facing that Kay was destroying the whole family and that my husband was right not to want her home again, not to want to pay her bills again. She was 30 and we had spent a lot of our money on her and yet she was broke and even worse. And we'd be broke too if we didn't stop being her bank. My husband is my best friend and so supportive and sweet and my daughter isn't even nice to us. I think, if you value your marriage, your husband needs to come first. Staying with you one night would not have changed the world for your son. He knows you love him too But it did have you fighting with your husband. Maybe next time set him up in a decent motel. Once they come back often things just get worse and they expect more. Now your son is still young. When Kay was that young we both were trying to save her. It took ten years for me to stop. So it is still early in the game for you and I pray that your son straightens out so you don't go thru this for ten years. I don't fault you for anything you do. I just know that for me, my husband is the one who is there for me long term. Even my successful kids, while loving, have their own lives and my daughter has kids and a fiance. Rick now runs our business and we see him a lot but he is in a serious relationship too. We don't want to push them to see us all the time. We do see them lots and know they love us, but.... In the end it is ourselves and our SO. I fought with him over Kay but came to feel that he had been right all along. He saw how she was destroying the rest of us. You have other children too? These problem kids affect the other kids a lot too. Whatever you do all of us will always support you. Sending prayers and love. [/QUOTE]
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