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Substance Abuse
I seen my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759905" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Helpless. </p><p></p><p>I am not without concern and empathy for your son. But more so I am concerned for the girl who your son is drawing into a dangerous situation. Clearly, he is showing as little care for her, as he shows for himself, for you, or for his family. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if I would take it as a fact, that the gang is pursuing him and shooting at him. It may be so. But maybe not. That gunshot was heard near his grandparent's house is neither here nor there. You don't know if this incident involved him. </p><p></p><p>The important thing is for you to keep doing as you've been doing. Keep the authorities apprised and focusing on your life, not his. His PO is your best friend and ally now. Complete communication and transparency. </p><p></p><p>I think I would urge you to find more anger towards your son; that he continues to recruit and embroil into his chaos, more innocents. I don't see him as a victim. I see him as indifferent to how what he does affects others around him. He portrays himself as a victim when he acts deceptively, irresponsibly, and dangerously. </p><p></p><p>I recognize how painful this is, as I have gone through for many years my version of it. I don't have any advice because I can't seem to pull myself out of my son's orbit, either. I look back at these 10 years and I ask myself, what I could have done differently to not have suffered so. Forget helping my son, for sure. Which was my goal for entirely too long. That was always a disaster. </p><p></p><p>What I should have done from the beginning was focus on minimizing the cost to myself. I think there is something deep within us that doesn't allow this, at the beginning. The story of this forum is this: When you love somebody who is hellbent to live badly, through immaturity or incapacity, and insists on imposing the effects on you, what is there to be done, except detachment and distance and equanimity. And trying to find the headspace that allows this. I wish I would have run away but can you really run from your own life?</p><p></p><p>Love, Copa (I am so sorry this is so hard.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759905, member: 18958"] Dear Helpless. I am not without concern and empathy for your son. But more so I am concerned for the girl who your son is drawing into a dangerous situation. Clearly, he is showing as little care for her, as he shows for himself, for you, or for his family. I don't know if I would take it as a fact, that the gang is pursuing him and shooting at him. It may be so. But maybe not. That gunshot was heard near his grandparent's house is neither here nor there. You don't know if this incident involved him. The important thing is for you to keep doing as you've been doing. Keep the authorities apprised and focusing on your life, not his. His PO is your best friend and ally now. Complete communication and transparency. I think I would urge you to find more anger towards your son; that he continues to recruit and embroil into his chaos, more innocents. I don't see him as a victim. I see him as indifferent to how what he does affects others around him. He portrays himself as a victim when he acts deceptively, irresponsibly, and dangerously. I recognize how painful this is, as I have gone through for many years my version of it. I don't have any advice because I can't seem to pull myself out of my son's orbit, either. I look back at these 10 years and I ask myself, what I could have done differently to not have suffered so. Forget helping my son, for sure. Which was my goal for entirely too long. That was always a disaster. What I should have done from the beginning was focus on minimizing the cost to myself. I think there is something deep within us that doesn't allow this, at the beginning. The story of this forum is this: When you love somebody who is hellbent to live badly, through immaturity or incapacity, and insists on imposing the effects on you, what is there to be done, except detachment and distance and equanimity. And trying to find the headspace that allows this. I wish I would have run away but can you really run from your own life? Love, Copa (I am so sorry this is so hard.) [/QUOTE]
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