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I seen my son
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 759925" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Helpless,</p><p></p><p>You know detachment doesn't need to be all at once, in fact, I think that's too heart wrenching and undoable for "us". But what I would suggest you possible do with your son is let him know "for a time being" that you need to block his text messages. Let him know you're not mad or upset but it's for your well being. This is a baby step and allows you to not have to experience emotional turmoil every time he checks in with a problem. It won't be easy at first because if you're like me, your son's life, problems and issues are almost an addiction for you to be involved in. You sit wondering would it be easier to not know what's going on vs. knowing what's going on? I think for me it was almost equal so why not give it a try? Eventually, (as was my experience) you will get better and better at not knowing what's going on and begin to feel some peace and will allow other things to take precedence in your life. For me that was the beginning of detachment.</p><p></p><p>I think of it like the alcoholic that was in my life for so long. "I" was the enabler and my intentions started out all well and good. Always, there to save the day, always there to pick up the pieces and glue the family back together but what took me years and years to realize was that if no one was there to pick up the pieces and hide all the brokenness that stems from the addicts behaviors then eventually, hopefully they will have to do something about the problem. The same goes for your son. If you are not the soft cushion for him to land on all the time then maybe just maybe he will have to start being accountable for his own actions. It may take a while for him to arrive at that destination but remember it took him a lot of years to develop this pattern of behavior in his life.</p><p></p><p>Things "can" be better for you but remember "you" need to be the change. Don't wait for you son to change to have a good life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 759925, member: 23405"] Helpless, You know detachment doesn't need to be all at once, in fact, I think that's too heart wrenching and undoable for "us". But what I would suggest you possible do with your son is let him know "for a time being" that you need to block his text messages. Let him know you're not mad or upset but it's for your well being. This is a baby step and allows you to not have to experience emotional turmoil every time he checks in with a problem. It won't be easy at first because if you're like me, your son's life, problems and issues are almost an addiction for you to be involved in. You sit wondering would it be easier to not know what's going on vs. knowing what's going on? I think for me it was almost equal so why not give it a try? Eventually, (as was my experience) you will get better and better at not knowing what's going on and begin to feel some peace and will allow other things to take precedence in your life. For me that was the beginning of detachment. I think of it like the alcoholic that was in my life for so long. "I" was the enabler and my intentions started out all well and good. Always, there to save the day, always there to pick up the pieces and glue the family back together but what took me years and years to realize was that if no one was there to pick up the pieces and hide all the brokenness that stems from the addicts behaviors then eventually, hopefully they will have to do something about the problem. The same goes for your son. If you are not the soft cushion for him to land on all the time then maybe just maybe he will have to start being accountable for his own actions. It may take a while for him to arrive at that destination but remember it took him a lot of years to develop this pattern of behavior in his life. Things "can" be better for you but remember "you" need to be the change. Don't wait for you son to change to have a good life. [/QUOTE]
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