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I want my child to leave my house.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 567022" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Kidtrainer, welcome. I'm sorry you are experiencing such a difficult time with your daughter. Many of us here on this forum have kids who we are in the process of detaching from......some of us having to ask our kids to leave our homes because of their bad behavior. You are not alone. It may be a good idea for you to post on Substance Abuse or Parent Emeritus or both. You've actually replied to an old thread from a couple of years ago.</p><p></p><p>You've happened upon a group of parents who have much wisdom and insight and are willing to support you through the difficult transitions of detaching from our adult children. Keep posting it really helps. You may want to give your daughter a formal eviction date, check in with your state and county rules on eviction, in some states, even if it is your child, legal eviction procedures have to be adhered to. It is your home, her refusal to leave is not her choice, it's yours. Setting strict boundaries with our adult kids is part of the detachment process, so it may be prudent for you to set a date, if you want to, help her with the SS disability, but that is a long road of paperwork, it doesn't happen quickly. Find out the eviction procedure for your area and start the proceedings, if that feels right to you. Once you understand the legalities, you can pick a date, let her know and tell her to begin packing. Here in CA. where I live, legal eviction proceedings are necessary, but along with that, you can have a sheriff escort her out. That may not be the choice you make, I'm just giving you options to consider. </p><p></p><p>If she cannot abide by your boundaries, is abusive to you, doing drugs and drinking, you are being held hostage by her behavior. You can't control her behavior or her life, but you can change your responses and learn how to take care of YOU. Many of us here need support to make those changes, therapy, support groups, 12 step groups, NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has parent groups and will help in many ways. </p><p></p><p>It may also be prudent for you to tell her that if another "boyfriend" shows up while you are not at home, you will immediately call the police. Did you call in the police on the guy who stole from you? </p><p></p><p>It's your home and you have every right to make any rules you like. It's important for us parents to figure out what we are willing to put up with and what we're not. Get clear on that. Let her know what your boundaries are and if they are not met, the consequence is that she has to live elsewhere. You get to decide how drastic that option is.............there is no right or wrong, simply what you are willing to do or not do. First you have to educate yourself on what your options are and then you have to implement them in the manner that is most comfortable to you. She may have to live in a shelter, some of our kids do. If she is unwilling to work, to get up, to finish school, to do anything at all with her life, or get any help, then the longer you enable her, the longer you will be taking care of her while she does nothing. Often we reach these critical choice points, seems as if you are at one. Time for a change. I wish you some peace of mind and send you many hugs................keep posting...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 567022, member: 13542"] Kidtrainer, welcome. I'm sorry you are experiencing such a difficult time with your daughter. Many of us here on this forum have kids who we are in the process of detaching from......some of us having to ask our kids to leave our homes because of their bad behavior. You are not alone. It may be a good idea for you to post on Substance Abuse or Parent Emeritus or both. You've actually replied to an old thread from a couple of years ago. You've happened upon a group of parents who have much wisdom and insight and are willing to support you through the difficult transitions of detaching from our adult children. Keep posting it really helps. You may want to give your daughter a formal eviction date, check in with your state and county rules on eviction, in some states, even if it is your child, legal eviction procedures have to be adhered to. It is your home, her refusal to leave is not her choice, it's yours. Setting strict boundaries with our adult kids is part of the detachment process, so it may be prudent for you to set a date, if you want to, help her with the SS disability, but that is a long road of paperwork, it doesn't happen quickly. Find out the eviction procedure for your area and start the proceedings, if that feels right to you. Once you understand the legalities, you can pick a date, let her know and tell her to begin packing. Here in CA. where I live, legal eviction proceedings are necessary, but along with that, you can have a sheriff escort her out. That may not be the choice you make, I'm just giving you options to consider. If she cannot abide by your boundaries, is abusive to you, doing drugs and drinking, you are being held hostage by her behavior. You can't control her behavior or her life, but you can change your responses and learn how to take care of YOU. Many of us here need support to make those changes, therapy, support groups, 12 step groups, NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) has parent groups and will help in many ways. It may also be prudent for you to tell her that if another "boyfriend" shows up while you are not at home, you will immediately call the police. Did you call in the police on the guy who stole from you? It's your home and you have every right to make any rules you like. It's important for us parents to figure out what we are willing to put up with and what we're not. Get clear on that. Let her know what your boundaries are and if they are not met, the consequence is that she has to live elsewhere. You get to decide how drastic that option is.............there is no right or wrong, simply what you are willing to do or not do. First you have to educate yourself on what your options are and then you have to implement them in the manner that is most comfortable to you. She may have to live in a shelter, some of our kids do. If she is unwilling to work, to get up, to finish school, to do anything at all with her life, or get any help, then the longer you enable her, the longer you will be taking care of her while she does nothing. Often we reach these critical choice points, seems as if you are at one. Time for a change. I wish you some peace of mind and send you many hugs................keep posting........... [/QUOTE]
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