"I will never know why"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JJJ, Oct 26, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    This is utterly heart-wrenching.

    I can't fathom the days following that tragedy that she had to survive...can't even fathom. My heart goes out to all of them.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I always felt awful for them and for the other parents of these children. I felt less bad for the parents of the boy in Oregon who did this, because his father bought him guns and terminated therapy in spite of trouble with the law, an unusual interest with guns and bombs, and multiple experts who said he needed therapy at an earlier sentencing hearing. Of course, he killed his parents, so...

    But I think many of us here know the fear of turning on the news and seeing our child's school or hangout spot with our child at the center of some madness. I think that at least this mother did what she could to help her son. We're given a partial recipe with our children, with missing ingredients we can only guess at. I was horrified that those two boys were left out of any of the memorials. They died, too. They had potential. Someone loved them. Do I understand why the community hates them? Yes. Does that make their loss any less valid? I don't think so. I don't know how she went on with her life. I would have left Columbine, changed my name, and never returned.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I remember thinking when that happened, "How could the parents of those boys not know. How did they not see the guns and other items." I still felt horrible for everyone involved, even the parents of Dylan and Eric but I just couldn't understand how they didn't know SOMETHING.

    Later that year, difficult child was placed with us as a foster child and the following summer we adopted him. In the years since.....I've come to understand. This woman didn't have a difficult child. Yes, he got into some trouble but from what she wrote, he was not a difficult child. As a parent of a difficult child, I know there are things that mine has done that I'm not aware of. Even after I do periodic searches of his room, even after I do my best to keep tabs on him, even after years of counseling....he still does things without mine or husband's knowledge. This woman didn't have a difficult child and had absolutely no clue. Parents of difficult child's may have an inkling of what our kids are capable of or what they do but even with our experiences and knowledge of our kids....we still don't know.

    I can't even begin to imagine the emotions, torment and guilt that she and her husband have and are still going through. While I've heard a couple of negative reactions from her writing, most of what I've heard about have been of a positive and forgiving nature and I think that's good. I honestly don't think she had an inkling.

    Witz mentioned the fear of seeing our child's school or workplace on tv. I used to work directly across the street from difficult child's high school. It was common for me to periodically look over there for smoke or police. Short of some fights in middle school and early high school, difficult child has never shown a penchance for violence. But yet.....I looked. Rational or correct or not, I have that worry. I don't know why; I don't have a logical reason for it but I have it all the same.

    My heart goes out to her and her family.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You know, I think about all the time I spent, and continue to spend, trying to decipher my difficult child and figure out the things that are coming from typical teen stuff, manipulation, mental illness, etc., and how best to deal with each situation. We don't always know what is going on in their minds or what they are talking to other kids about or wanting to do. We simply can't. I feel for all families involved in something so horrible, including the parents of the boys that did this. I would think in some ways, they might feel worse than the parents of those victims who did not commit the act.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I was in tears while reading this. I just want to tell that poor woman that it was not her fault, that she is not a bad person. What an amazing article.