I'm back. Things are bad.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Hello Everyone- I used to be fairly active on this forum, but got away from it. My daughter Kat has been quite the challenge since she was a child. She had my granddaughter when she was 19 and continued her partying ways, moved away with some guy she met on the internet, had a breakdown, etc. About 2 years ago she called me crying and said she thought she needed to quit drinking. I left work and took her immediately to a meeting. She stayed sober for about 18 months, went to counseling, took medications for her depression and anxiety, re-enrolled in community college. Our relationship improved dramatically. For whatever reason about 5 months ago she went on a bender. She called me after and I encouraged her to get back to meetings, talk to her counselor, etc. She did none of those things and has been on a downward spiral ever since. She started getting my granddaughter to school late on a regular basis, didn't provide support for her homework, which KK needs as she is not a natural scholar, got to work late. I have no idea if she's even continuing her college classes. She got a new boyfriend (which could have been good, as her former one was not good) and devotes a majority of her time to him. He's not the best- try not to be shocked. I finally called CPS, which really set her off as she knew it was me. But whatever, don't be an idiot and I won't call CPS, who I know won't even do anything, but maybe it will scare her into actually taking care of her child.

    I could go on and on, but at any rate of course this is driving me crazy. I went to a few Al Anon meetings, but they just weren't for me. I need a group where people talk about their issues and others give constructive feedback, which wasn't my experience at Al Anon. My stress level is through the roof because of my worry about my granddaughter. I have found positive energy and interactions here in the past, so here I am again! If anyone has had a better experience with Al Anon, please share. And anyone struggling with the grandparent thing- please give me words of wisdom. I will take any and all advice, thoughtful words, etc. I'm losing it.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    How about private therapy? Then you are not dictated by the rules of a group. Al Anon isnt for everyone. You all have to quietly listen to one another before you can talk, then there is some crosstalk.

    Some of us stayed after the group was over And even sometimes went out to eat together and we then formed friendships that were helpdul.
     
  3. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Good for you for calling CPS. Protecting your granddaughter is the most important thing. It sounds to me like you’ve got a good handle on your boundaries and priorities.

    I’m sorry that you’re seeing your daughter backslide recently. Sadly this seems to be so common. It’s so hard when you think they are making progress and you get your hopes up only to have them dashed again. I don’t have a lot of words of wisdom for you this morning but sending hugs and prayers. I hope you are able to find some peace, regardless of what your daughter is doing.
     
  4. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    My understanding is that al anon and other 12 step programs operate on a defined structure. But each is different depending on who attends and the common aspects of those people. So I don't think they are all the same. But the structure may not allow the time for each person that you are looking for. You may find others there who can offer local support. Its not unusual for a few people to meet there and then arrange to meet for coffee elsewhere at another time.

    All I can offer is sympathy. I'm sure CPS will look at all aspects of the situation. However, due to confidentiality they are unlikely to share all their findings with you. If they suspect that your purpose is to gain custody they may treat you with suspicion. So be prepared, your daughter is likely to tell them negative things about you, true or not.