BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Before the whine starts, remember I am borderline. I have come far, but I"m still borderline. So maybe this lonliness is part of that. I don't know. I'll continue.
What the hello do you do about intense lonliness? I am going to whine about myself...please close this window if this gets on your nerves.
I have no family. Mom dead, disowned me. Father 87, not at all interested in me or kids. Sister in Illinois (I'm closest to her, but she's far away and has her own family). Brother in NJ. Not real close. Scott is no l onger my son...he doesn't want to be. That leaves SportsFan, PastryChef, Jumper and Sonic.
SportsFan lives in Missouri. I can't see him more than once every two years for a few days. I can't afford it. He can't afford it. PastryChef...I'd like to live near her. Hub says we can't afford it. Jumper is so involved with her boyfriend J. that now his family is trying to make nice with him...and with her. It's sincere. Long story, but she may actually spend part of Thanksgiving with his family if I talk to them, which I believe they are willing to do. IT'S NOT FAIR! She is only fifteen and is already involved with an older boy who is serious about her. So she is pulling away, not completely, but I'm sure not ready to share her on holidays and I could make her stay home, but she wouldn't do it happily. So what's the point? Sonic will probably spend most of the time upstairs, like he always does. His autism makes him this way. Hub? Nice guy, but he doesn't understand how lonely I am. I want to get away from here and live closer to PastryChef and my sister. I don't want to be stuck four hours away from the two people I am closest to. Friends? I have only one close friend and she travels a lot because her hub retired early and she has her own family.
I HAVE A VERY SMALL FAMILY.
Hub doesn't see his sister much. He does not seem to need to be with people, like I do.
Tonight I feel sick and depressed. I want to run away. I am not sure where I want to run,b ut I want to run away from all of the people who will leave me in the end. I want to go somewhere far away from here. Everyone seems to do just fine without me. I've even thought about suicide, but that is not on the table. It's not going to happen. Just that it's in my thoughts make me think that I have to make some drastic changes.
I'm so tired of hearing about people who are living with their kids and grandkids (yes, that makes me jealous). I'm tired of hearing about people spending holidays with their extended family, of which I barely have anyone. I feel like I"m the one taking care of everyone else and nobody cares one wit about me. Although I can usually talk about m feelings, I am too depressed to do that right now. I get like this sometimes. This isn't the life I wanted for myself...alone, alone, alone.
Right now, I feel like grabbing my little dog and just going out for a ride. I can't take the lonliness. I can't sit here and feel it. And I don't know how to stop it. Worse, nobody cares about it.
I am maybe looking for some uplifting words. I wish I had met some of you, although I would have been sooooooooo shy and awkward. Probably none of you would have wanted to keep in touch with me, but maybe one of you would have. Maybe there is somebody else who feels like me and spends holidays basically alone and has no real family...and maybe we could have become friends. But if one is too shy to talk...one doesn't make many friends. I'm better on the phone and one on one than in a group anyway.
Now I"m rambling. Thanks for listening. Think I'm going to take a ride now.
Hugs,
Pam
What the hello do you do about intense lonliness? I am going to whine about myself...please close this window if this gets on your nerves.
I have no family. Mom dead, disowned me. Father 87, not at all interested in me or kids. Sister in Illinois (I'm closest to her, but she's far away and has her own family). Brother in NJ. Not real close. Scott is no l onger my son...he doesn't want to be. That leaves SportsFan, PastryChef, Jumper and Sonic.
SportsFan lives in Missouri. I can't see him more than once every two years for a few days. I can't afford it. He can't afford it. PastryChef...I'd like to live near her. Hub says we can't afford it. Jumper is so involved with her boyfriend J. that now his family is trying to make nice with him...and with her. It's sincere. Long story, but she may actually spend part of Thanksgiving with his family if I talk to them, which I believe they are willing to do. IT'S NOT FAIR! She is only fifteen and is already involved with an older boy who is serious about her. So she is pulling away, not completely, but I'm sure not ready to share her on holidays and I could make her stay home, but she wouldn't do it happily. So what's the point? Sonic will probably spend most of the time upstairs, like he always does. His autism makes him this way. Hub? Nice guy, but he doesn't understand how lonely I am. I want to get away from here and live closer to PastryChef and my sister. I don't want to be stuck four hours away from the two people I am closest to. Friends? I have only one close friend and she travels a lot because her hub retired early and she has her own family.
I HAVE A VERY SMALL FAMILY.
Hub doesn't see his sister much. He does not seem to need to be with people, like I do.
Tonight I feel sick and depressed. I want to run away. I am not sure where I want to run,b ut I want to run away from all of the people who will leave me in the end. I want to go somewhere far away from here. Everyone seems to do just fine without me. I've even thought about suicide, but that is not on the table. It's not going to happen. Just that it's in my thoughts make me think that I have to make some drastic changes.
I'm so tired of hearing about people who are living with their kids and grandkids (yes, that makes me jealous). I'm tired of hearing about people spending holidays with their extended family, of which I barely have anyone. I feel like I"m the one taking care of everyone else and nobody cares one wit about me. Although I can usually talk about m feelings, I am too depressed to do that right now. I get like this sometimes. This isn't the life I wanted for myself...alone, alone, alone.
Right now, I feel like grabbing my little dog and just going out for a ride. I can't take the lonliness. I can't sit here and feel it. And I don't know how to stop it. Worse, nobody cares about it.
I am maybe looking for some uplifting words. I wish I had met some of you, although I would have been sooooooooo shy and awkward. Probably none of you would have wanted to keep in touch with me, but maybe one of you would have. Maybe there is somebody else who feels like me and spends holidays basically alone and has no real family...and maybe we could have become friends. But if one is too shy to talk...one doesn't make many friends. I'm better on the phone and one on one than in a group anyway.
Now I"m rambling. Thanks for listening. Think I'm going to take a ride now.
Hugs,
Pam