impact letter

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, Jun 23, 2018.

  1. my son finally has went to a treatment facility for his alcoholism/addiction. They have requested I compose an Impact letter stating my feelings on how the addiction has affected me and our family.
    The last conversation I had with my son was not a good one. I was accused of being a liar, a scum bag, etc.
    I am someone he can not trust.
    I am having a very hard time writing this letter. I feel me telling him how this has ruined my life would just make him happy, and even happier to continue on his path of destruction.
    He is only willing to stay in treatment for 30 says.... Before he went he made the comment that even if he goes, he will most likely come out feeling the same way and take his life.....
    Any suggestions?
    Will 30 days in treatment even make a difference in him?
    Praying it will. God sure did send signs to help him to realize that he needed to go. SO I am praying that once he is more calm, he will be able to see clearly and realize I am not that horrible of a person he makes me out to be.
  2. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    It is hard to know what will happen once the drugs or alchohol are out of their system. Sometimes it is a process and hopefully each time adds a little to them learning. At the very least you know he is safe for now and at best they will be able to reach him. When he gets out he needs to continue on his own or maybe treatment will convince him to continue.
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    My suggestion is you first write a letter that is honest and tell him all the things you would like to tell him about the impact it has had on you and your family. Write what you want to say without thinking about how he will react. Write the first letter for you. After you have written it give yourself a couple of days and then read it and see if there are any changes you want to make. This is a chance for you to tell him how you feel. What he does with that information is up to him.
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  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Praying for you and your son as well, TL. I hope the same, but do understand it is a process that may take some time.
    Tl, this is a good idea. I do this with emails, write it out, let it sit and reread it. I think being open and honest is good.
    Hopefully, Trying, your son will take this opportunity to seek change. Prayers going up.
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    A very nice lady has been helping me in my house a couple times a week. She has been in AA for many years. She also snorted meth for 10 years. She said she stopped after 30 days in treatment. She only went because there had been a big drug bust and her supply dried up.

    After that she did 12 step groups every single day.

    She had had no desire whatsoever to quit. Before 30 days in treatment.

    She would tell you about your son's meanness that the drugs are talking.

    I would be truthful in the letter. But kind. He will be defenseless clean. He may be crushed by what he has done. When the sky clears. We do not know.
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  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I agree completely. I remember Darkwing posting about addiction and drug use. He wrote that when addicts are sober, all of the things they did come back to haunt them, and one of the reasons they use, is to cover over those memories. I am not saying to be dishonest, Trying.
    Being kind and forgiving is for us as much as them. I know my daughters would not do many of the things they have done, if they were sober. Not to excuse actions and consequences, but to put things in perspective and understand that drugs drive the bus.
    When the sky clears, how poetic, Copa. I suppose coming out of the drug haze, is like walking out of a dark room, into bright sunlight. It will take time to adjust and move forward.

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  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I am not sure how old your son is or how long he has been using. I apologize if I missed that.

    The director of one of my son's latter rehabs (he's done many) said that the first time a SEED is planted. They learn about addiction and what it has done to their lives. They learn steps to beat the addiction. The seed is planted but it needs water and sun and nutrients to grow. My son did not get it the first time or the second or many times thereafter. It wasn't his time. He wasn't ready.

    There were takeaways each time for my son.

    He is sober now and has been for ten months. The longest time in almost 8 years. He wasn't ready this time either but we gave him no choices and I think this time it is all different. He has had time to let his brain HEAL from the disease for the first time. He is seeing things more clearly and thinking more clearly.

    I was told and I believe that it takes a year for the brain to heal before they can even begin to think straight. Not true for all cases but was certainly true for my son. It was not easy to hear that.

    I know that it is still almost impossible for my son to deal with the pain he has caused us. I know that must be the hardest thing of all for him to deal with. The guilt, the shame. Knowing that we stood by him when no one else has. I am still not sure how I can move on from all of it but I am trying.

    Any time that your son is sober is good. It's a start so be thankful for that.
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought of my daughter when I read this. When she made her amends, she told us that she was sorry for lying and stealing from us but that she was most sorry for stealing our serenity. She was right...that was much worse than the loss of things.

    I think she now values what we think of her more than anything else. She beams when I tell her how proud I am of her. It makes her feel good that we recognize how much she has changed from those awful days when she caused us so much pain.