IN AND OUT

A little over a month ago my son got himself a ticket to rehab. They are paid for here and thus are hard to get.
He was shipped across the country to stay for 3 months. He told everybody that this was the ONLY way he could ever get out of his addiction. How many times has this been said to some of you here?
I was reluctant to think that he would stay there for more than a few weeks, as I imagine it to be quite hard. I of course warned him; told him that within a month or so, it would become the real trial, when the boredom sets in and so on.
He was doing really great over there. The first 3 weeks without phone or internet connection and so, some discipline and chores. All good stuff.
Then he moved to another facility, with limited internet access and access to his phone a few hours a day.
He lasted 3 days in that environment.
He also called me to ask if I could take him in, just until his mother could, a few days later. Luckily I took a few moments to think this over! The heart screams at you when this happens. It is no easy task to stay hard and strong.
Even so, I told him no.
I made this decision so long ago and I will not give up now.
He ended up staying at his grandmother's place and 2 days later was back with his mom.
I spoke to him the other day, telling him to go back to rehab. No way is he going.
He truly believes that he can make it on his own.
The number of lies an addict can tell himself (and us) has no limits.

I can only account for myself and stay true to the course I have laid out.
However much this saddens me, I can only watch from a distance, as he destroys his life. Little by little. He is turning 20 this summer.
I am told that the risk of OD is even greater when they go too early from rehab.
I hope he lives. And discovers the truth about himself someday.
 
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Deni D

Well-Known Member
Why ~ sorry he didn't decide to stay there, but there is a chance that after a while he will want to go back. Hopefully he still has the option.

I can only account for myself and stay true to the course I have laid out.
However much this saddens me, I can only watch from a distance, as he destroys his life.
So true. Once they get to a certain age if they won't listen to any advice no matter how big or small their bad choices are we can only stand back and brace ourselves to stand strong against wanting to take the consequences for their actions. Some learn those life lessons, some don't.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
My son started going down the wrong path at 15. As you can see by my signature, he went to many, many rehabs and sober living facilities as well as other programs. And below isn't even the half of it.

Our son had a very good life and family and came from a happy home. He didn't change until we took him to Teen Challenge where he was in a strict program and learned about God's grace. He was so broken. He knew that this was his last chance if he wanted to have a relationship with us. End of story he has been home for almost 2 years, is in college and works. During this time we also relocated due to my job so he had a fresh start. It's not perfect but he is finally living a normal life. He will be 25 in August.

We were lucky that he never used needles but he used everything else. Thankfully that is behind us now. Just don't give up hope. our son is still young and it can all turn on a dime. This is HIS journey. Just don't enable him, that is the worst thing we can do as parents and is our go to. I hope that something clicks for him and he realizes this is no way to live.

I sought a professional counselor that specialized in addiction to help me through this. While he was away working on himself, I worked on myself too.

Good luck and stay with us. There is so much knowledge and support here!
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I am so very sorry that your son left the program. I think you handled a terribly hard thing with grace and strength. I agree with Deni and RN, how this can change very quickly. Your son has it in him to turn this around. I am sorry his mother is enabling him and rescuing him and reinforcing his poor choice. But you're right. You have to control, there. Please keep posting. I posted many, many times a day when I came here. On everybody's threads. That's how I became stronger. We come here because of our children. We stay because of us. I'm so glad you are here with us.
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
WDWFB,

Bravo! It is so hard to keep that boundary. Gut wrenching, but you did it and he will be better for it. Perhaps his mom will get to a point to do the same. I gave in so many times, I am very proud of you.
JMOM
 

AnotherMom58

New Member
Nothing's harder than watching them make all the wrong decisions and know there's nothing we can do to help.
My son's an addict too, he's 23. We've been dealing with for a while. I have reached a decision the other day... I've decided to put it all in the hands of God. There's nothing we can do as parents. We can only pray and hope.
Don't forget to take care of yourself throughtout all this.
 
Thanks! I am doing ok when it comes to taking care of myself. I have worked so much with these emotions ever since he came to stay with me last year, and I learned that he was addicted to drugs. The really hard part, I think, is after hearing his voice on the phone, sounding true and real for the first time in over a year, only to see him leaving that program shortly after. He was on such a good path. Now, back with his mom, he has stopped contacting me completely. I am certain he will relapse sooner than later; his addiction is opiods (Benzodizapin) and they are extremely difficult to really leave behind. Sometimes it feels as if I dont even have a son anymore.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Sometimes it feels as if I dont even have a son anymore.
I recognize how this would be. When drugs hijack a person, they are in control of their life and their personality; their will and their motivation.

What I am trying to do is to hold my son in my heart as whole; and that way I can feel whole and feel my love for him wholly. That requires that I set very strong limits because I am vulnerable to the pull of my heart to reach out to my son and I am potentially vulnerable to the real him, as well.

The way I am dealing with that is by trying to stay in reality as an adult mother. Which is to say, I strive to think rationally, take charge of my circumstances, and take responsibility for what happens in my environment and within myself. More than that I cannot do.

Your son is an adult, equal to you, as is my own son. They are separate people who we love. They make choices we can't control. But I refuse to give up my son, the son I can hold in my heart, independent of his actions and his choices. I have every right to hold the child I raised in my heart. Which is what I am doing.
 
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I recognize how this would be. When drugs hijack a person, they are in control of their life and their personality; their will and their motivation.

What I am trying to do is to hold my son in my heart as whole; and that way I can feel whole and feel my love for him wholly. That requires that I set very strong limits because I am vulnerable to the pull of my heart to reach out to my son and I am potentially vulnerable to the real him, as well.

The way I am dealing with that is by trying to stay in reality as an adult mother. Which is to say, I strive to think rationally, take charge of my circumstances, and take responsibility for what happens in my environment and in within myself. More than that I cannot do.

Your son is an adult, equal to you, as is my own son. They are separate people who we love. They make choices we can't control. But I refuse to give up my son, the son I can hold in my heart, independent of his actions and his choices. I have every right to hold the child I raised in my heart. Which is what I am doing.

Wh
Thanks! I too do this. I had to, in order to survive as a Human being. Still the heart screams once in awhile.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Still the heart screams once in awhile.
Our hearts are wild things. This is so beautifully true, what you write. And not necessarily a bad thing. I am thinking of that art work "the scream" and the title of that wonderful novel The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Maybe we're most fully human, when we're here in this place. Thank you so much for posting.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thinking of you today. How are things?

My son also was addicted to benzo's. They are evil and nasty and bad.
 
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