New to this community. My husband and I have been together over 40 years and raised two lovely children. Our daughter died of cancer 6 years ago at the age of 41. Our Son is 45 now and has been in and out of jail for dumb, non violent things his whole life. We have bailed him out, set him up, given him vehicles over the past several decades and want to draw the line here today by learning to have the strength and wisdom to completely detach from him going forward. He is back in jail now for "probation violation". Probation was given because of driving without a license (of which he now has back from our help). I feel ashamed that he is this old and still so irresponsible that he would end up back in jail due to some simple thing he was supposed to be responsible for and didn't follow thru. We have tried detaching so many times over the years but he is so manipulative of my heart I feel I have let him down by always picking him up. Anyway, don't mean to ramble but can't tell a 30 year story in a couple sentences. I have received 12 calls from the county prison today from him and have not taken any of them. I will not bail him out and my wish is to no longer be pushed in to giving him so much as one dime when he gets out all on his own (he has no money and has probably just lost another job). I will do my best to read and study "again" codependency and detachment forums. I am more ashamed of myself than of him. So am praying for strength to get thru what I need to do for the rest of his life. He is my only child now, but we do have 4 beautiful, wonderful, responsible, adult grandchildren. So we do have that blessing even though I feel I have surely lost both my children.