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Substance Abuse
In need of wisdom and advice
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760082" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I hear you!!!</p><p></p><p>But you are not his hope. He is his only hope. What can you do? What can I do to help Kay??</p><p></p><p>All we can do is give them emotional support for good decisions, right?</p><p></p><p>How long have both of us been trying to help? Our kids are close to the same age. We have done this for a long time! We have tried.... everything.</p><p></p><p>And I can imagine it being easier to do this with a spouse than a child. With a kid of any age, there is always the mommy vibe there. It is so hard not to see them as our baby...especially when they are acting needy.</p><p></p><p>All you can do is your best. I used to go to more meetings when I felt weak. It took me forever to be able to do what the 12 steps told me to do. Like my daughter, I am sick. I am VERY codependent and being this way causes me so much grief. I need to keep working at it. I have to remember that NOTHING I do, while my daughter refuses help, can do much. I need to remember that I am not the deciding factor. Kay used to act like a pathetic little girl around me and I'd feel guilty and do everything for her, even cleaning her toilet. No exaggeration. All that did was make Kay associate me with money and doing for her what she could do for herself. She would go into little girl please face for me and it worked! I'd see her as a child and give in. She knew how to play me.</p><p></p><p>It's not easy for us to change. You have my deepest empathy. Please try to find a way to get some peace during these hard times. If your son.is going to turn things around, he will. And you won't have to be with him 24/7. He will do it. Or not. It's on him, not you.</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760082, member: 23706"] I hear you!!! But you are not his hope. He is his only hope. What can you do? What can I do to help Kay?? All we can do is give them emotional support for good decisions, right? How long have both of us been trying to help? Our kids are close to the same age. We have done this for a long time! We have tried.... everything. And I can imagine it being easier to do this with a spouse than a child. With a kid of any age, there is always the mommy vibe there. It is so hard not to see them as our baby...especially when they are acting needy. All you can do is your best. I used to go to more meetings when I felt weak. It took me forever to be able to do what the 12 steps told me to do. Like my daughter, I am sick. I am VERY codependent and being this way causes me so much grief. I need to keep working at it. I have to remember that NOTHING I do, while my daughter refuses help, can do much. I need to remember that I am not the deciding factor. Kay used to act like a pathetic little girl around me and I'd feel guilty and do everything for her, even cleaning her toilet. No exaggeration. All that did was make Kay associate me with money and doing for her what she could do for herself. She would go into little girl please face for me and it worked! I'd see her as a child and give in. She knew how to play me. It's not easy for us to change. You have my deepest empathy. Please try to find a way to get some peace during these hard times. If your son.is going to turn things around, he will. And you won't have to be with him 24/7. He will do it. Or not. It's on him, not you. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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