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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 749158" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Thank you for hearing me out. I will take into consideration all of your advice/thoughts. I think what brought me to post this concern is that "something inside of me" didn't feel it was the right course of action to take. I really like what you said cobacabana....</p><p></p><p>"It is not about making them suffer or to find their bottoms. It is to step up in one's own life, and to begin to take responsibility for themselves and for others, too, which is the essence of life."</p><p></p><p>This is how I feel. I don't want him to suffer more than he is already and that's why I thought this was a kind gesture. But in the full spectrum of things, I feel that I don't want to get roped in again and undo any progress I feel I have made. By doing this that's what feels like what's happening. I know in my heart that this isn't about me not wanting to help him (Lord knows I've done more than I should have already which has lead us to this pattern) but what happens is I hear my son saying to me as he has before that "he deserves better" and I agree wholeheartedly. BUT, I have to remind myself that he has to want that as much as I do.</p><p></p><p>I'd have to re-read the threads posted but someone said the other day "boundaries are like sunscreen and you have to keep re-applying". That has stuck with me and I'm going to keep "re-applying" ...so I don't get burnt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 749158, member: 23405"] Thank you for hearing me out. I will take into consideration all of your advice/thoughts. I think what brought me to post this concern is that "something inside of me" didn't feel it was the right course of action to take. I really like what you said cobacabana.... "It is not about making them suffer or to find their bottoms. It is to step up in one's own life, and to begin to take responsibility for themselves and for others, too, which is the essence of life." This is how I feel. I don't want him to suffer more than he is already and that's why I thought this was a kind gesture. But in the full spectrum of things, I feel that I don't want to get roped in again and undo any progress I feel I have made. By doing this that's what feels like what's happening. I know in my heart that this isn't about me not wanting to help him (Lord knows I've done more than I should have already which has lead us to this pattern) but what happens is I hear my son saying to me as he has before that "he deserves better" and I agree wholeheartedly. BUT, I have to remind myself that he has to want that as much as I do. I'd have to re-read the threads posted but someone said the other day "boundaries are like sunscreen and you have to keep re-applying". That has stuck with me and I'm going to keep "re-applying" ...so I don't get burnt. [/QUOTE]
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