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...is this still enabling?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 749198" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Well thanks for this whole thread. I needed it. I do find the line between enabling and supporting/helping is often then and its hard to know which side to be on. Recently with my son I clearly crossed into clear enabling when I got a late night call and reacted without thinking. Then a couple of days ago my husband did also. So we are having to rethink this a bit and step back before we just react and “help”. This thread helped me do that. Today I finally got a call from my son (I have tried reaching him for a couple of days with no return call..... it totally bugs me that he wont call me back but only calls when he wants something!). So today he called because he is sick (vomiting and diahrea etc.) couldnt go to work and things are not going well. Apparently his job is still good but everything else is not great and he feels lousy....but he hasnt gotten paid and so needs some money!! I said no. I got the but mom poor me scenario and I said I know you are drinking and smoking pot and I want no part of that. You need to learn and manage your money better so no I am not giving you any money. I did call the program he is in to let them know what is up so they can check on him....but at least I said no. I have no idea if he is sick from something he ate (his story) or very possibly he is back into heroin and is withdrawing. But anyway thank you jpg for starting this thread. It came at the right time fo rme.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 749198, member: 15801"] Well thanks for this whole thread. I needed it. I do find the line between enabling and supporting/helping is often then and its hard to know which side to be on. Recently with my son I clearly crossed into clear enabling when I got a late night call and reacted without thinking. Then a couple of days ago my husband did also. So we are having to rethink this a bit and step back before we just react and “help”. This thread helped me do that. Today I finally got a call from my son (I have tried reaching him for a couple of days with no return call..... it totally bugs me that he wont call me back but only calls when he wants something!). So today he called because he is sick (vomiting and diahrea etc.) couldnt go to work and things are not going well. Apparently his job is still good but everything else is not great and he feels lousy....but he hasnt gotten paid and so needs some money!! I said no. I got the but mom poor me scenario and I said I know you are drinking and smoking pot and I want no part of that. You need to learn and manage your money better so no I am not giving you any money. I did call the program he is in to let them know what is up so they can check on him....but at least I said no. I have no idea if he is sick from something he ate (his story) or very possibly he is back into heroin and is withdrawing. But anyway thank you jpg for starting this thread. It came at the right time fo rme. [/QUOTE]
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