It has been a while...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by llamafarm, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    My son is now 19 and not living at home. He moved out a week after he turned 18. He has dropped out of school, and works jobs here and there. He has been living with various friends, and families in our city. Was in the next state over for a few weeks when he thought he was a dad, but returned home when she let him know he wasn't, or she was never pregnant, or ... who knows with the stories he tells (that was last fall).

    My husband and I are at a loss. Sonny keeps in touch, texting and calling, setting up times to visit. But he is so lost. He has dropped all medications, has no real plan, has been arrested, sat in jail, tells us and others he has lived on the streets in the rougher parts of town (he has informed us of every location he has lived, never homeless), has worked many jobs, yet we just don't know the real story regarding just about everything.

    He wanted his mail and a shower the other day (bank card was sent here, and it was easier for him to shower here to prepare for his evening of partying) I told him no on the shower but he could pick up his mail anytime before 8pm. He informed me he will contact the police to escort him to our house to get the mail. The last I heard from him that night was at 8:25pm telling me that he and Sergeant So and So would be over to the house to pick up his mail. He never came by.

    I dropped his mail off at his current work and texted him to send me forwarding address. I will no longer be involved with his mail. Ridiculous.

    My husband and I realize we cannot help him unless he wants it. He doesn't unless we can help him the way he wants (things we are unwilling to help with). He has told us he knows much more than we do, he has lived on the streets and seen things we just can't understand.

    It is all just so... I can't even think of a descriptor.

    Thanks for your patience. I just needed to get it out there.
     
  2. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Its crazy. I will say it for you.
     
  3. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    Yes. That does seem to capture it.
     
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so baffling when they do everything to make their lives harder. When our children are adults we have little to no control over how they live their lives. It's good that you're doing what you can to separate yourself from his poor choices. Many times I had to do similar things and cut off contact completely with my daughter. I needed the break for my own health and well being, and it also gave me space to view the situation more objectively. Take care of yourself and be kid to yourself. Sending peace to you.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi

    Do you suspect drug use with your son? You didn't mention it but it seems the symptoms are there.

    It is a lot crazy when drugs are involved.
     
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  6. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    Nope. No drug use. He talks about drinking, but has always been opposed to drugs (though he often informs me how pot is no big deal in order to get a rise out of me). He does seem to be painfully honest at times... about things sons would never tell their mothers (amazing quality of his odd autism), so no, I don't suspect drugs.
     
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Alcoholism?
     
  8. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    It's baffling as hell.

    We have no to little control over their lives and it hurts like anything to watch them make their lives harder.