It never rains but it pours.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Mar 26, 2016.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    So...the plan was to pick up the kid, take him to do laundry, bring him home, feed him, take him back to his apartment. He'd texted yesterday that he was just lonely, but thought his paycheck would pay the rent, his roommate had a job interview, and he'd been was okay.

    Today I wake up to missed calls and panicked texts...


    The neighbor apparently fell asleep while heating up oil on the stove and caught her apartment on fire! After midnight, my son and his roommate heard the smoke alarm go off - they were still up, thank God! When the alarm didn't go off after a minute, he opened thee door and saw smoke billowing under her door. He banged on her door and she woke up and ran thru and down the stairs screaming to call 911. They managed to grab their shoes and coats and get out. Everyone was safe, the downstairs neighbors got out too, and the Red Cross put them up in a hotel for a few days.

    He went back just a few minutes ago and got some clothes. He said his hands turned black picking up things. We're going to take them some groceries and rolls of quarters to do laundry. He does not know if the fire marshal will allow the building to be occupied. He said that the ceiling tiles are black and his bathroom needs work, the blinds are bowed from the heat, but the rest of his apartment is just smoke damaged. He only has a few hundred dollars from the Red Cross to do the hotel, so it's all wait and see for a few days.

    Well, I guess don't have to worry about him wanting to talk today. He doesn't want to come over or go to his grands tomorrow...just stay in the hotel and sulk. I don't blame him. At the moment he has no job, no apartment, no money and no plan. And for a change, at least part of it isn't his fault.

    Good Lord.

    At least no one was hurt. Jabber just said, "Thank God our kid has a tendency to stay up all night...if they'd been asleep..." They may not have woken up in time. The neighbor had slept through the smoke alarm...they may have as well. I'm more than a little shaken by that.

    Like most of my life with him, we're back to the "wait and see" phase.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am glad he is ok. This is going to complicate things even more than they already are.
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    OMG! Suspect the neighbor was under the influence when they put the pot of oil on the stove. I don't even leave the kitchen when heating oil.

    He is very lucky he wasn't hurt and just lost some possessions.

    Of course, this is a huge setback, and you and Jabber will have to rethink how/if you will help him through this.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Sheesh, OMG is right Lil. It will complicate things, but......on the other hand, between the car accident and now this, he has had some very eye opening, scary experiences. I would not wish this on anyone, it is a horrible tragedy on top of everything else...but....I hope he realizes how fortunate he is to have the rest of his life in front of him.
    It is a terrible thing, but he is ALIVE.
    I think that is what I would try to impress on my kid, good Lord, someone is watching over him and giving him a chance to make something good out of his life.

    Thank goodness Lil, that he is okay.
  5. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Wow things are really pilling on him hope he gets trough this fine and learns from what seems to be a bad time in his life. Well said when it rains it pours.
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yep. I'd say that's an understatement. LOL

    We're in wait and see mode at the moment. His statement was something along the line of "we'll figure it out", which is nice to hear him say. But, with no renters insurance, and his deposit NOT paid...maybe $150 of it...he will have no way to get another place if the landlord can't let them back in. So...we'll see. Maybe some friends will let them crash. But he has to get a place to stay before he can get a job.

    For now, we're just going to take it a day at a time and see how it plays out.
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Our motto, one day at a wishes and prayers going up for a solution, and peace of mind and heart.

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  8. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    Gasp! You certainly have been hit with a lot of stress in the short time I've been here. You strike me as a very strong person, intelligent and very level headed. In your case ,one step forward, two steps back does seem to be in your life at the moment. Lil, you have a lot on your plate and so I hope you are able to continue to take care of yourself.

    Perhaps these events may cause your son's mindset to change somewhat. We can only hope. If not, again it's a learning experience and he may see that other people's actions have an effect on his life. Who knows what it will take for some of our children to change their mindset and make positive changes. We and they will only be able to see in retrospect if these events resulted in some soul searching on their parts. I will be thinking of you and your family. HUGS.
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  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    When Lil asked him again at the hotel about going with us to see the grands, he launched into another tirade about my sister who had tried to help him. I walked away. I doubt that his mindset has changed that much but we shall see.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad he is not hurt. I am sorry about the fire. Please let him know that by banging on the neighbor's door and waking up the neighbor, he likely saved her life. Even a few seconds more and she would likely be dead. this makes him a HERO, at least in my book! It won't fix things, but it is a good thing. Smoke inhalation kills FAST.
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  11. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Well moments like this show our true nature and it shows he is a good person more important then all other qualities combined. You raised a good person.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Oh good grief! But so glad your son and everyone is okay. That is most important!!
  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well thanks for all the kind words everyone, I think hero is a bit strong for knocking on some doors, but I am quite pleased with the fact that he didn't just run out the door I guess.

    Jabber was a little upset that our son started a "Go Fund Me" to try to get donations. I understand though and don't really care. They set it at a requested $500.00 to buy new things. We'll see but I truly doubt anyone will donate...after all there are literally thousands of people on Go Fund Me asking for help just from fires. Last I heard, he was going to talk to the landlord today and they were going to move to a cheaper hotel. They apparently don't actually have anyone who'll let them stay with them.

    I feel weird, a 4 bedroom house (well, only two with beds), we just bought more real estate and we're remodeling a perfectly functional kitchen, and our kid is in a hotel after a fire that totally wasn't his doing. We've discussed it a bit...if they can move back in a week or two, letting them stay with us. While we're happy to get him some new crappy used furniture to replace the old crappy used furniture and help him clean, etc., having them stay with us is a whole different ball game. If he was working...that would be different. But I'm sure any job hunting has been scrapped at the moment. So much for interviews - I guarantee they haven't gone if they actually had any. I just don't know how much help to offer.

    So...waiting to see what he's heard. Still one day at a time.
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I would not let free loading friend stay with me. Too many bad experiences with my son's lousy choice in friends. Just my 2 cents.
  15. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I know...and I wouldn't either under any kind of normal circumstances. :confused: I just hope the whole choice becomes moot rather quickly.

    Wonder how much a week in a hotel costs? Maybe we could consider paying for that???
  16. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    About 2 days of work on minimum wage so basically you can not live there for a significant amount of time.
  17. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Didn't upset me, just kinda surprised me was all. I still have serious reservations about letting our son stay with us, much less the mooch.
  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I do too honey. That's why I haven't suggested it to him at all. :(
  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I have bought my daughter a week in a motel before and it was a little over a hundred bucks...depends on the place. This was during her addiction and they stayed in some really slimy places...
  20. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    The mooch, under any conditions would not stay in my hpise if it were me and I'd have to think hard about son too unless he looked hard for a job and could prove his search.

    But we do what we do and then see what happens