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<blockquote data-quote="in a daze" data-source="post: 685151" data-attributes="member: 15832"><p>Maybe this would be useful when you guys try to talk to him.</p><p></p><p>When I was in college/nursing school we were taught a technique to use when we talked to a patient, called reflection. You reflect back the patient's words to them or you paraphrase what he has just said. This way the other person feels validated.</p><p></p><p>For example...I had a fight with xx and I feel terrible</p><p></p><p> You: You had a fight with xx</p><p></p><p> Yes, let me tell you what she did, etc.</p><p></p><p> You: That must have made you feel terrible</p><p></p><p> Yes....</p><p></p><p>So this list of things to say might be useful that I found in the archives. I had a similar list that I used to carry around from Parents Anonymous.</p><p></p><p>And very important...don't forget the wine before you talk to him! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wine:" title="wine :wine:" data-shortname=":wine:" /></p><p></p><p>(quote)</p><p></p><p></p><p>PonyGirl brought this up on Barbara's thread and I thought it might be a good idea for all of us to brainstorm together. Awhile ago I suggested some phrases that I had to write down and keep by the phone for when Rob called to whine, beg, or whatever. Since I'm not a quick thinker, it really helped me to have them right there to read from. Basically, these phrases acknowledge their pain or situation but don't get us involved in it.</p><p></p><p>"Well, I'm sure you'll work it out."</p><p></p><p>"That sounds like an interesting idea."</p><p></p><p>"Good for you, honey!"</p><p></p><p>"How are you handling that?"</p><p></p><p>"How does he/she feel?"</p><p></p><p>"I'll need to talk to your dad/guru/dog about that."</p><p></p><p>"I don't have an answer right now. I'll do some research."</p><p></p><p>"Sorry, I'm on my way out the door right now and can't talk!"</p><p></p><p>"I need some time to think about that. I'll get back to you."</p><p></p><p>"That must make you feel good."</p><p></p><p>"That must make you feel bad."</p><p></p><p>"How does that make you feel?"</p><p></p><p>"What's your opinion?"</p><p></p><p>"I'm so sorry, honey."</p><p></p><p>What suggestions do you guys have? Remember, they are phrases to acknowledge but not engage. And sometimes you just need to buy time before you give an answer.</p><p></p><p>Of course, it might help to have a bottle of wine near the phone, too.</p><p></p><p>Suz</p><p></p><p>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/#ixzz45rQFQ0f2" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/#ixzz45rQFQ0f2</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="in a daze, post: 685151, member: 15832"] Maybe this would be useful when you guys try to talk to him. When I was in college/nursing school we were taught a technique to use when we talked to a patient, called reflection. You reflect back the patient's words to them or you paraphrase what he has just said. This way the other person feels validated. For example...I had a fight with xx and I feel terrible You: You had a fight with xx Yes, let me tell you what she did, etc. You: That must have made you feel terrible Yes.... So this list of things to say might be useful that I found in the archives. I had a similar list that I used to carry around from Parents Anonymous. And very important...don't forget the wine before you talk to him! :wine: (quote) PonyGirl brought this up on Barbara's thread and I thought it might be a good idea for all of us to brainstorm together. Awhile ago I suggested some phrases that I had to write down and keep by the phone for when Rob called to whine, beg, or whatever. Since I'm not a quick thinker, it really helped me to have them right there to read from. Basically, these phrases acknowledge their pain or situation but don't get us involved in it. "Well, I'm sure you'll work it out." "That sounds like an interesting idea." "Good for you, honey!" "How are you handling that?" "How does he/she feel?" "I'll need to talk to your dad/guru/dog about that." "I don't have an answer right now. I'll do some research." "Sorry, I'm on my way out the door right now and can't talk!" "I need some time to think about that. I'll get back to you." "That must make you feel good." "That must make you feel bad." "How does that make you feel?" "What's your opinion?" "I'm so sorry, honey." What suggestions do you guys have? Remember, they are phrases to acknowledge but not engage. And sometimes you just need to buy time before you give an answer. Of course, it might help to have a bottle of wine near the phone, too. Suz Read more: [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/#ixzz45rQFQ0f2[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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