It was worth it

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PonyGirl65, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Well, I stood in court yesterday, along with 6 other people in support of difficult child. 2 of which were his paternal grandparents. Someday I'll tell you about the last time I was in a court house with my former mother in law - suffice to say we've come a long way. Long, long way.

    It was brutal.

    difficult child was brought in wearing leg-irons and hand cuffed. His grandparents couldn't handle it, they began to cry. I got up from my bench and went and gave them hugs. difficult child turned in his seat and thanked all of us for being there.

    It was brutal.

    I had no spit in my mouth. No spit. difficult child's lawyer was late, and the DA was conversing with the court stenographer. difficult child's lawyer showed up, and the DA conversed with him. What we were overhearing was not instilling confidence.

    It was brutal.

    The judge came in and called the case and there was some interaction. She read the charges and the sentences (there were 3 separate felonies - all property crimes; theft, possession) and then asked difficult child if he wanted to speak. He did. He took responsibility for his actions and apologized. He acknowledged the hurt and anxiety he had caused. He asked the DA if he could give her the letters of apology he had written.

    The judge then spoke to difficult child and told him she was impressed by his honesty and by him taking responsibility. She talked a long time (it seemed like) about his past crimes (all theft and possession) and how the cycle repeats and repeats.

    It was brutal.

    The judge did impose a 5 year prison sentence, with 242 days credit, and the opportunity to earn early release by participating in the drug & alcohol programming.

    And then it was over, and he stood to walk out. His grandmother stood up (she suffers from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and is in a wheelchair) and hugged him. I was standing between difficult child and the deputy. The deputy looked at me and said "You gotta tell her she can't hug him" and I nodded at her but I didn't stop grandma from hugging my boy. The deputy took a step forward, and at that point I did gently tell grandma that she had to let him go.

    It was brutal.

    We all told difficult child we loved him, before he left the courtroom.

    And then I dissolved into a puddle of tears in my husband's arms.

    It was brutal.

    And I'm really glad I went. I'm hoping that's the hardest thing I have to do for awhile.

    Thank you all for your prayers and good vibes, I could feel them holding me up.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You did good, Ponygirl. So did he. He got just enough prison time to get his attention. The time will go by quickly. He can get mental health treatment, work out, go to AA, NA and even college, in some prisons. There is church. There is a library. There are also college correspondence courses if there is no college in the specific prison. In some States there are vocational programs. If he chooses to use this time constructively there are opportunities to do so.

    Please try to be good to yourself. Take care. He is at the age now where he is very likely to turn things around. I worked in prisons many years. There is a huge drop off in recidivism at your son's age.

    You can have hope. A lot of it.

    Last edited: Mar 13, 2016
  3. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    You did great, PonyGirl. I'm so sorry that you had to endure that court proceeding. I think you can be very proud of him for acknowledging the pain he caused and accepting responsibility.
  4. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Thank you for the update Ponygirl. It actually sounds encouraging. You did great. You are going to be alright.
    Gee, Copa, this insight almost makes me hope that my own son is guilty and gets sentenced. That might be the best thing going on for him, if he would chose to avail himself of these opportunities!
    We are with you in your pain and triumphs.
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  5. savior no more

    savior no more Active Member

    Ponygirl -
    I'm sorry for your pain, your son's pain, and your families pain. I too have been in court with my son and will be facing it again. My prayer will be for time and distance from the drugs to help heal your son.
  6. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Boy! What a difficult situation. I've been there before. I can sympathize with you and the rest of your family. It's good that you were all there for your son. It lets him know you still love him even though you may not like what he has done. I hope he will take advantage of the things Copa described. I'm sorry for your pain.
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Kalahou, either way your son can choose to turn things around.

    I was reading about weight loss a few minutes ago, how our bodies are programmed to immediately after we have lost weight, to put it right back on. Most do. How successful dieters are still obsessed with food, even after they are thin, and to keep it off, weigh every morsel, must exercise 2x more than never fat people. And some do. It is worth it to them to live their lives around weight loss and maintenance.

    My point here is that people do it. some people. Whether drugs or food. It takes the decision and the continued and prolonged effort to stay with it. So many people change. Prison is no guarantee of changing, but people do change. I hope and pray your son will be one of them.

  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Oh Ponygirl. How very, very hard. What a steady, strong, loving mom you are. I am impressed by the way he took responsibility. I am hopeful that he can use that and the steadfast love of his family to turn things around. You did great.
  9. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Ponygirl my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I hope that your son will use this as a pivot point to choose another path towards his purpose and meaning. You were wonderful to brave it all and be there for him. It sounds like he was very appreciative of the love and support from his family.
    Keep the faith dear.
  10. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    Pony girl, sorry you and the grandparents had to see that. I am so very proud that he accepted responsibility and wrote letters. Nice of the baliff to give grandma a few moments.

    Hang in there! !