its a shame

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Its sad we have to detach for them to grow. Its like if we are in their life, it goes bad. If we are out, they do good. What kind of crap is that. I am accepting the fact that i wont have the relationship a normal mom and son would have. I have to be on the sidelines cuz i might do something that will trigger him omg. Its stupid. Cranky today
     
  2. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Hi Terilobe. I think the detachment is very needed for them to grow. But here is the thing. Once that takes place you will have a new relationship and likely one that is far better. As long as we are here to pick up their pieces all of the time they treat us like door mats. Once we garner back our self respect and set the boundaries...and give some time..they see us in a different light. We have to let go of the dear little boys we loved because they aren't little boys anymore...they are struggling caterpillars who are trying to get out of their cocoon and learn to fly. While it is sad to let them go we must and hold true to our faith that this too shall pass, and a new journey is set to begin. Hugs for you today!
     
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  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I am having a hard time with that also.

    We see our son on Monday for a family meeting at the rehab he is currently in.

    I am very angry that he had this relapse. Why? Because I kept telling him things he needed to do to occupy his time so this would not happen. See a therapist, go to meetings, volunteer at an animal shelter (loves animals), work out, run, go to church, join a church basketball team (loves basketball) etc. etc.

    He doesn't listen to any of my suggestions so why do I even open my mouth? Instead he got bored and lonely and used and his life, once again, blew up in his face. He helped himself to money out of a joint account that wasn't his and he bought a $700 Iphone on our AT&T account (don't even ask). Yes we're pretty mad about that also!

    How do I show love and support when I'm pissed? Oh and he isn't participating in group last I heard so he still isn't getting it. We are taking away his car and his phone and he has to earn them back. The plan is sober living for one year. If he doesn't do that, he's on his own.
     
  4. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    It is a very difficult position to be put in. However, you can let him know you are angry and tell him now its all up to him and that you are done. Only if you truly mean that though. Your actions now will speak louder than words. At some point in time he has to be forced to make his own decisions and face the consequences as a result. If you are still there assisting, giving him advice, a place to stay, trying to set up a deal that if he does that you will do that etc he wont try to get out of his comfort zone. Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh. I know exactly what you are going through...but its time to cut him loose. He has lied to you, stolen from you and doesn't really seem to care. Let him earn his way back into your life by fixing his own life first. hugs to you!
     
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  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thank you.