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<blockquote data-quote="LauraH" data-source="post: 759128" data-attributes="member: 22877"><p>Thanks, RN, I let go of my son a long time ago. His "two steps forward, ten steps backward" pattern doesn't show any signs of changing. When he's doing well I tell him how proud I am of him, but when he goes back down the rabbit hole I withhold comment because he wouldn't want to hear it anyway and it would just create friction. Whatever he's doing right now, whether it's good or bad, he'll have to deal with the consequences with no help from me. He's at least learned that much, that Bank of Mom is out of business for good. When he's in a bad place he at least does what he needs to do to survive, including Medicaid and food stamps. And he knows not to call me when he's broke. I'm actually remembering a post from a while ago where I was worried because I hadn't heard from him in a while...and someone said maybe he's respecting the boundary that I set where I told him I would not talk to him if he was using or detoxing from using. That's a double edged sword, because that leads me to believe that he is using again, but also good that he's respecting my boundaries. </p><p>Up until the last several days our phone calls have been congenial, friendly, and mutually respectful. Then just a few days before he stopped calling I noticed that he was slipping back into his old habit of arguing, contradicting, or correcting. I should have seen the writing on the wall. What's different now is that aside from a text I sent him asking for his partner's last name and their address because I want to send them a little something for Christmas, and telling him I need to share what happened at my doctor's appointment yesterday, I won't be trying to contact him again. The ball is in his court, I'll hear from him when I hear from him, and I'm not going to stress over it in the meantime.</p><p>I'm so sorry you are dealing with COVID but glad it wasn't as bad as it could be. Wishing you and your husband speedy and full recoveries.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LauraH, post: 759128, member: 22877"] Thanks, RN, I let go of my son a long time ago. His "two steps forward, ten steps backward" pattern doesn't show any signs of changing. When he's doing well I tell him how proud I am of him, but when he goes back down the rabbit hole I withhold comment because he wouldn't want to hear it anyway and it would just create friction. Whatever he's doing right now, whether it's good or bad, he'll have to deal with the consequences with no help from me. He's at least learned that much, that Bank of Mom is out of business for good. When he's in a bad place he at least does what he needs to do to survive, including Medicaid and food stamps. And he knows not to call me when he's broke. I'm actually remembering a post from a while ago where I was worried because I hadn't heard from him in a while...and someone said maybe he's respecting the boundary that I set where I told him I would not talk to him if he was using or detoxing from using. That's a double edged sword, because that leads me to believe that he is using again, but also good that he's respecting my boundaries. Up until the last several days our phone calls have been congenial, friendly, and mutually respectful. Then just a few days before he stopped calling I noticed that he was slipping back into his old habit of arguing, contradicting, or correcting. I should have seen the writing on the wall. What's different now is that aside from a text I sent him asking for his partner's last name and their address because I want to send them a little something for Christmas, and telling him I need to share what happened at my doctor's appointment yesterday, I won't be trying to contact him again. The ball is in his court, I'll hear from him when I hear from him, and I'm not going to stress over it in the meantime. I'm so sorry you are dealing with COVID but glad it wasn't as bad as it could be. Wishing you and your husband speedy and full recoveries. [/QUOTE]
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