Just an update...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, May 19, 2020.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi all,
    My son is no longer living with my dear husband and I. I finally, FINALLY saw up close what his core beliefs are. For so long I was fooled into thinking that our son truly loves us and needs us.
    Needed us to take care of him the rest of his life! Boy was I wrong.

    Around 3-4 weeks ago...son woke up and came into our kitchen to get a cup of coffee. He bumped into one of our dogs (the one he likes) and simply said "move." But then our other dog got in his way too (husbands dog if you will). Son was aggressive and yelled at our dog Rocky to "Move!"

    My husband told son "Don't yell at my dog."
    Son went ballistic and yelled profanity at husband and threatened violence against him with me in the middle! Son said you Fing B and told husband he would beat his A!
    Thankfully husband was in the process of mowing and walked out the front door. I told son that this was it...he had to leave.

    Son said he didn't have a problem living on the streets again. I told son to get dressed to leave. We drove and I gave him $200...I felt like I had to lure him with money to get him out of our house fast! Tensions were very high!!! Later husband and I took him his things on the streets of our town.

    Our son believes himself to be somewhat of a messenger from God...sigh.
    He has seen and heard things that make him believe he has a special message to carry to others. Needless to say, he has a following on the internet and one of his friends who believes he is a "spiritual genius" set up a Go fund me account on his behalf.
    My son would text me and tell me of what others thought of him. He boasted and was really quite proud of himself for having been given $800 by strangers!

    Within a week, he was on his way to California. And within just a few days...he wound up in a psychiatric hospital again after using drugs. Nothing new about his story...always ends with him using drugs and winding up in the hospital. But this time...this time I was different. I could see the emotional manipulation he has used on me since he was at least 13!
    I could see that ultimately he would negatively impact my well being as well as his dads. He would take everything from us! And everyday since he's been in the hospital he asks me to do something for him; call this person, check the mail, go to the store and see how much money I have on my card etc. I have always been his Go to person...but not anymore.

    Son is incredibly irresponsible...his Mother in law has done most of the care giving over the past 11 years! He has 3 beautiful children that he has not fathered at all or not very well...and it is always about drugs! They seem to call out to him.

    Speaking of children...his wife shared with me this past Sunday, that she is pregnant again. This makes baby number 5. She has one other with another man already who has nothing to do with the little boy. The new baby daddy has threatened her emotionally and wants nothing to do with this new child either who will be born in November. Our daughter and her husband of 5 years are struggling to have a baby. daughter in law would like our daughter or her brother in California to adopt the baby. I have not told our son but his instincts are amazing! He said this morning when he called.."we all know how my wife likes to have babies with different men and make me the dad."
    See...in our state all of the children are considered legally our sons since the pregnant mom is still married to our son. It's a complicated situation but our son will have to sign over adoption rights for the new baby.

    Son will likely get out of this current hospital stay and live on the streets with drugs. I don't know if his wife will be able to find him to sign over rights.

    As for dear husband and I...we are "living the dream." Life is good and we are at peace now.
    May God bless you all!
     
  2. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    LMS,

    What courage and strength to finally see through the murky waters! It is truly a merry-go-round we're on and until we finally get off of it, we oddly enough only see then that we were ever on it.

    Once we step off of it we hopefully get support and continued strength so we don't jump back on. It's very hard when it's your children, I know.

    It sounds like you've made some huge changes for yourself and I pray for continued healing.
     
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Jaypee...Thank you SO much for the prayers for continued healing. Like your profile says, "My faith gets me through it all." I will pray for you and your sons as well.

    I now see how for so many years "I" have acted as God and Savior in front of my son. I finally recognize that I am neither and have in fact been in the way of the true One.

    Yesterday son called from the hospital and he again asked for us to start sending him money like we had in the past every two weeks when he was homeless...I said "No. He said, But what if I don't make it? I said, but what if you do?
    He then told me that we are making choices before God and that there will be consequences.
    He thinks of himself very highly.

    I am staying put and in the Word. I pray my son will start listening and seeing what is true. I pray this for all of our children.

    Thank you again for your response and prayer.
    LMS
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Stay strong.

    You are doing the right thing. By helping you are enabling and I know that you know that.

    Live your life with peace and happiness no matter how hard that may be.

    He has to live his own life and figure this out on his own and on his own time.

    God works in mysterious ways. Even though you may think HE is not working in your son's life, he may very well be.

    We are very impatient and I am the same and still impatient with my son not having the life that I think he should have.

    I just keep on praying~
     
  5. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    LMS,

    I am happy to hear that you have cut him off. No sense in prolonging the inevitable. When he is telling you that he is God's messenger, did he happen to say if God was OK with him cussing his mother? I think he is just using this messenger thing as a manipulation. We all know God doesn't speak in those terms.

    I'm sad for the children. I pray all of that works out for them. I am glad you are detaching. You deserve better and he has a lot of healing to do as well. Don't lose hope, it's the drugs talking. They've got quite the hold on him, he surely knows you love him. You've demonstrated that over the years by taking care of his needs. Sorry if I sound angry, I do not like how he spoke to you. God's blessings on you and your family, he and his children are in my prayers.
    Jmom
     
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    RN ...Thank you!
    Truly son does have to figure this out...I'm not helping/enabling anymore.
    I do wonder What in the world the hospital he is currently in is thinking! They have decided to discharge him tomorrow and pay for one nights stay in a hotel. He says he will take homeless people in to shower...sigh. I know it will be about shared drug use. At least that's what I think. His and their business I guess.
    Meanwhile he tells me of a girl he met there who sent him clothes and $80.
    She wants him to come live at her brother's house and work for her husband! She is married and son says, "I think she likes me likes me." Sounds like trouble to me!

    JMom...it was husband that he said Fing B too and threatened...not me. He's lucky dear husband did not pound him into the floor! It was a very high adrenaline few moments. All I could do was stretch out my hands between them and tell son it was time for him to leave.

    This weekend we have his 3 children. They are precious. His son, who is 12 now told me of deep seeded resentments he has towards his dad.
    I shared with him the story of my own relationship with my "earthly" bio-dad. My bio-dad was absent from 2yrs of age til around 17 when I met him. I did not like him...he took no responsibility. He was dying a few years ago and I went and visited him. The only thing I asked for was a letter from him. He was capable of writing as he was sitting at a desk while on oxygen. He never wrote me that letter. So disappointed. But I explained to my grandson that it was never my fault...that my bio-dad did not have the capacity to love me well, to provide, to care, to give guidance, direction or wisdom.
    I am blessed that my dear husband has shown our children and now all of our grandchildren these things. ❤️
    I pray my grandson will heal over time and come to realize that there are better examples of what a Good father truly is.
    Thank you for your prayers
    Especially for my grandchildren.
    Much love to you all.
    LMS