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Just help me understand
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<blockquote data-quote="hope2hope" data-source="post: 739527" data-attributes="member: 22856"><p>I have been on this site for less than 1 year. I stopped visiting because some of the frequent posters seemed to always propose the “kick them out- they won’t change- light a candle for yourself”. Reading this advice , not necessarily directed at my posts but in response to others, I became more weary. My confusing, distressing situation seemed hopeless and I was 2nd guessing everything we are doing or not doing for my son...but I am back today - why? Because this forum is filled with people fighting in the same war just on different battlefields...no one understands war zones except people who are in it!</p><p></p><p>My son also blames me and my husband for EVERYTHING that has gone wrong in the last year and a half....he even accused me of ruining his entire life and being of no help EVER!!! His most recent rant was so irrational that it confirmed to me that he has a serious mental disorder. </p><p></p><p>When I am in a more rational state. - not during confrontation - I sympathize and understand that my son’s brain is broken. His personality and life choices have altered 180 from only 2 years ago. When an elderly parent starts to exhibit dementia we do not blame the person. Rather we make adjustments and get proper medical help and society supports us in this new path.</p><p></p><p>However, when a young person (onset usually 17 to 22) exhibits symptoms of mental disorder that inevitability results in chaos then we are told sorry HIPPA prevents you from seeking help for this “adult”. Our friends, coworkers, etc who are living in a “peace zone” and are not subject to the battlefield raging don’t understand and think it will pass or it can’t be THAT bad. Inevitably we question ourselves and pile on the guilt as to where or what went wrong.</p><p></p><p>If this was an elderly parent being lost to dementia would you blame your relationship or your nurturing style? No ....you would also be more accepting because many people can relate with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Schizophrenia - bipolar - fill in the blank ....not so much.</p><p></p><p>My advice is to not blame yourself and make the best decision today that you are able to make. Sadly, for adult children, their choices will ultimately make the most difference .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hope2hope, post: 739527, member: 22856"] I have been on this site for less than 1 year. I stopped visiting because some of the frequent posters seemed to always propose the “kick them out- they won’t change- light a candle for yourself”. Reading this advice , not necessarily directed at my posts but in response to others, I became more weary. My confusing, distressing situation seemed hopeless and I was 2nd guessing everything we are doing or not doing for my son...but I am back today - why? Because this forum is filled with people fighting in the same war just on different battlefields...no one understands war zones except people who are in it! My son also blames me and my husband for EVERYTHING that has gone wrong in the last year and a half....he even accused me of ruining his entire life and being of no help EVER!!! His most recent rant was so irrational that it confirmed to me that he has a serious mental disorder. When I am in a more rational state. - not during confrontation - I sympathize and understand that my son’s brain is broken. His personality and life choices have altered 180 from only 2 years ago. When an elderly parent starts to exhibit dementia we do not blame the person. Rather we make adjustments and get proper medical help and society supports us in this new path. However, when a young person (onset usually 17 to 22) exhibits symptoms of mental disorder that inevitability results in chaos then we are told sorry HIPPA prevents you from seeking help for this “adult”. Our friends, coworkers, etc who are living in a “peace zone” and are not subject to the battlefield raging don’t understand and think it will pass or it can’t be THAT bad. Inevitably we question ourselves and pile on the guilt as to where or what went wrong. If this was an elderly parent being lost to dementia would you blame your relationship or your nurturing style? No ....you would also be more accepting because many people can relate with Alzheimer’s or dementia. Schizophrenia - bipolar - fill in the blank ....not so much. My advice is to not blame yourself and make the best decision today that you are able to make. Sadly, for adult children, their choices will ultimately make the most difference . [/QUOTE]
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