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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739536" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It is a battle every day for me to do this. But as you say, it is the only way.</p><p>I have been here 3 years. In that time I have been in the trenches with my son. (Actually, for ten years it has been hard. And I stuck with my son during that entire time.)</p><p></p><p>I do not think I am being in the main defensive in my response, but I do take issue. I see most parents here as dedicated, not rejecting. As overwhelmingly putting their children first, indifferent to the costs to themselves. They do this until they are absolutely spent. And it has not helped their kids.</p><p></p><p>We have been very involved. While there had been a 30 month period when I had kicked him out, and he lived a few hours from me, with friends of mine, we were always involved tangentially. (This was the best it got, when I knew he was safe, but I was not responsible.)</p><p></p><p>We have tried to involve him in work, had him living here, "rented" to him an apartment in a home I own, pressured him to seek treatment, be productive, and all manner of other things. Every single thing we did, only enabled him to manipulate us and lie to us, and to dig in more with his drug of choice. We in no way helped him. </p><p></p><p>He is now probably homeless in a metro a few hours from here. Any contact with him sends me spiraling down. I am without the false hope in bottoms. I am aware this could be a death sentence.</p><p></p><p>It is not my own welfare that brought me to the point where I will no longer be involved. It is because my own behavior became so traumatized, reactive and really, not unlike his own, because I was so triggered I had to take responsibility to stop the cycle.</p><p></p><p>If through self-sacrifice I could save or help my son, I would do it in a heart beat. But my own sacrifice of myself only makes it worse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739536, member: 18958"] It is a battle every day for me to do this. But as you say, it is the only way. I have been here 3 years. In that time I have been in the trenches with my son. (Actually, for ten years it has been hard. And I stuck with my son during that entire time.) I do not think I am being in the main defensive in my response, but I do take issue. I see most parents here as dedicated, not rejecting. As overwhelmingly putting their children first, indifferent to the costs to themselves. They do this until they are absolutely spent. And it has not helped their kids. We have been very involved. While there had been a 30 month period when I had kicked him out, and he lived a few hours from me, with friends of mine, we were always involved tangentially. (This was the best it got, when I knew he was safe, but I was not responsible.) We have tried to involve him in work, had him living here, "rented" to him an apartment in a home I own, pressured him to seek treatment, be productive, and all manner of other things. Every single thing we did, only enabled him to manipulate us and lie to us, and to dig in more with his drug of choice. We in no way helped him. He is now probably homeless in a metro a few hours from here. Any contact with him sends me spiraling down. I am without the false hope in bottoms. I am aware this could be a death sentence. It is not my own welfare that brought me to the point where I will no longer be involved. It is because my own behavior became so traumatized, reactive and really, not unlike his own, because I was so triggered I had to take responsibility to stop the cycle. If through self-sacrifice I could save or help my son, I would do it in a heart beat. But my own sacrifice of myself only makes it worse. [/QUOTE]
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