Just Incredible


Roll With It
Yesterday husband and I went over to my parents to return my mom's car. I had borrowed it to go to the city because our car was making a strange noise and I didn't want to drive around 170 miles in it. My dad had us go get breakfast from a local bakery, so we had a nice morning.

I was rather surprised that Wiz came and gave me a hug FOUR times while I was there. Over the last ten years or more I have had to ask for a hug and often he flat out said no. It meant the world to me, which you are likely the only people outside husband who can fully understand.

I mentioned it later while we were running an errand and husband told me something. It made me cry, but happy, amazed tears.

It seems that Wiz and husband had a conversation some months ago. Wiz said he was truly thankful that we fought so hard to teach him and make him learn social skills and to behave decently (not just good manners, but good values). if he had been with my parents since he was little, which they brought up a LOT over the years (pretty much any time Wiz had a problem or blow up or when my mom got lonely or depressed), he said he would be a total spoiled entitled awful person. He used those words to husband.

He told husband that he pretty much gets anything he wants from Gma and Gpa, but if he had been with them the entire time he would see nothing wrong with manipulating them constantly for whatever he wants. He knows he CAN manipulate them, but he makes a conscious choice to not manipulate them most of the time.

I was stunned when husband told me this. I have been afraid for at least ten years that he would hate me for the rest of his life. Terrified that he would not ever understand that we did the things we did so that he would grow up to be a good man, so that he would be able to form relationships and build his own family based on love and respect rather than on manipulation or not having meaningful relationships at all.

Knowing this means the absolute world to me. It is an incredible relief, a source of true joy for me. I don't think this would or even COULD happen without the support, love and help from everyone in this internet family.


call 911........call 911
Wis did WHAT????????

Well of course he did. SusieStar I know exactly what you mean when you say only this family would understand what a hug from your son -not to mention his statement would mean not only to you....but to us. Congratulations on a life well played. (makes finger score in the air for the Mom) Fine job Momma - Fine job!

And .....we can say this to each other save for no one else......FINALLY -----do you think they're really getting it? Maybe? HUH.???? Just ( ) much? Lord I hope so. Hugs & Love Girl

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
Susie, it is just the most amazing moment when you realize that all that hard work you put in.......registered along the way........because as we know too well when parenting difficult children it often seems nothing ever registers and we're just beating our heads against the wall.

You and husband did a wonderful job, are doing a wonderful job with the kids. I'm so glad that Wiz has matured and come to realize how lucky he is to have you as parents........and had the courage to speak up about it. And it can take courage to say your parents were right. lol

Grinning ear to ear for you this morning and for Wiz too. :)


Roll With It
Thanks, all. It truly IS incredible, and he is an incredible young man, if I do say so myself.

Given all that we went though, I really hope that this gives some of you hope that maybe your difficult child will realize something like this and communicate it to you. For many, many years I dealt with my mother telling me how much better it would be for everyone if Wiz was allowed to live with her. It was usually phrased as being for just a short time, but I had a very strong feeling each time that if we ever gave in, he would not be coming back to us to live. For a long time the reason she suggested it was for Jess, then for both jess and thank you, to have a home without the chaos that Wiz caused, and so that Wiz would not be stressed out or feel 'neglected' when we spent time with his sibling, spoke with them, or even thought about them. Of course the first mentions of this were well before we had a clue that Jess was coming, or would ever come. Mostly it seemed as though it was so Gma would not miss him so much and so she could be sure he had all the books, toys, gadgets and clothes that he wanted and she felt he was entitled to. Once Jess came along her bias toward Wiz became crystal clear and was very upsetting, esp as not ever one single time did she even hint that Jess would be better if she lived iwth Gma and Gpa, and that was a big red flag to me.

It was a big fight to keep wiz with us all the years he did live with us, and I had to endure this 'generous offer' of my moms at least every 9 mos or so. Knowing that the epic saga of those years has had this amazing result?

FAR more priceless than anything on a credit card commercial!

Wiz is outstanding (sometimes in the rain, but outstanding never the less, lol), but so are all of our difficult children. I hope this gives someone hope because that is the biggest thing that all of you gave me during the worst of times.

I almost didn't post this, because I worried it might seem like bragging. But I went ahead so that you could see this amazing result of the hard work you contributed to, and so that maybe one of you could hold on to the hope in the darkest of your times.