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Kicked my 23 yr. old son out - was I wrong?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 648157" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If this 25 year old woman is taking hard drugs, so is he. Or he soon will be and wants to. Like hangs with like. Often we want to believe our darlings are only smoking pot because we grew up with it and don't think it's serious. Usually, if we are here on this forum and if our kids are refusing to work, abusive to us, violent or have personality changes that are pretty drastic they are doing more intensive drugs, such as various types of speed or downers or both or opiates. This is what changes them. You can almost always tell what they are doing by the company they keep. When my Daughter was doing hard drugs, nobody who wasn't even wanted to be near her. She didn't care. She was Queen of the Druggies. But when she quit, she found she had to give up all of her (cough, cough) "friends" as misery loves company and they forced her sometimes with threats and even physically to get them drugs and keep using. She left the state to live with a relative where she stopped looking for drug users and quit.</p><p></p><p>Potheads are spacy and unmotivated, not usually nasty or violent and disrespectful.</p><p></p><p>Your son should not be driving. My daughter was in three car accidents while doing drugs. Even after we took her car use away, she found idiot "friends" who let her drive their cars. She owed one lady $15,000 from one accident and continued to owe it even after she was clean. Her father finally paid the lady off when he believed she had truly quit (it was obvious by her lifestyle and her new sense of responsibility and work ethic). If she hadn't quit, she'd still owe it and probably never pay it and maybe have ended up in jail. As it is, it's a miracle she never did go to jail. SHe was on parole twice.</p><p></p><p>You did the right thing, in my opinion, to make your son, who is now a grown man, leave. It doesn't matter if he has dyslexia, bipolar, schizophrenia or anything else. If he is disrespectful to you in your house, refuses to get any treatment, breaks the law in your supposed safe haven, and makes you miserable under your own roof it is, in my opinion, time to cut the cord.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, he'll be back. Sadly, but predictably they do call us eventually, usually when they are in serious trouble and need us to rescue them with money, bail, etc. They never call just to find out how we are doing. We are their ATM and their "mommy." We rescue them...until we stop.</p><p></p><p>A 23 year old doesn't need a mommy. At his age you and him should have an adult-to-adult relationship and you should not have to support him. He is old enough to serve our country, drink, get a job, go back to school, cut out the illegal drugs, and do it all himself. Instead he found an older woman who is no good, by the way, and wants HER to take care of him. I'm sure she will attach a price to her "kindness" and that is when you will hear from him again.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare, but we are always here, 24/7, 365 days a year and you can always find somebody who will "talk" to you over the hard stuff. Many of us have been through it and are alive and happy and living good lives as we learned how to take care of ourselves and love ourselves and refuse to accept abuse from anybody, even our grown children. You can be one of the happy people too. It's time to enjoy your life, spend quality time with your loved ones who appreciate your kind heart and give your pleasure, do those hobbies you've neglected, take that vacation you've put off because "what if Junior needs to be rescued?" and have do all those things you've wanted to do but put on hold for parenting reasons. You do not have to be this man's mommy anymore. It is kind and compassionate to let him grow up and write his own story without your interference and rescuing. Hey...let's face it. We won't be around forever and they had better learn to live their lives without us.</p><p></p><p>Huggles to you and your hurting heart. I hope you can find something peaceful about today. Have you ever gone to an Al-Anon meeting? That saved me when my daughter was doing drugs. Literally. The help, the camaraderie and just not being alone. There are support groups for people like us. You deserve to treat yourself to one and learn how to cope and even enjoy your life even if you have a struggling man as your child.</p><p></p><p>Oh, yeah. YES, change all your locks. If he tries to break in, call the cops and get a restraining order. You don't want him to hurt you or anyone else who lives there. I also suggest going low contact with him...do not answer the phone if he calls unless you are in the mood to be strong against his guilt and persuasive skills and if he gets disrespectful to you over that phone or while texting, gently hang up and don't look at the phone again for a day. If necessary, put it in a drawer. Yes, I've done it...lol <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 648157, member: 1550"] If this 25 year old woman is taking hard drugs, so is he. Or he soon will be and wants to. Like hangs with like. Often we want to believe our darlings are only smoking pot because we grew up with it and don't think it's serious. Usually, if we are here on this forum and if our kids are refusing to work, abusive to us, violent or have personality changes that are pretty drastic they are doing more intensive drugs, such as various types of speed or downers or both or opiates. This is what changes them. You can almost always tell what they are doing by the company they keep. When my Daughter was doing hard drugs, nobody who wasn't even wanted to be near her. She didn't care. She was Queen of the Druggies. But when she quit, she found she had to give up all of her (cough, cough) "friends" as misery loves company and they forced her sometimes with threats and even physically to get them drugs and keep using. She left the state to live with a relative where she stopped looking for drug users and quit. Potheads are spacy and unmotivated, not usually nasty or violent and disrespectful. Your son should not be driving. My daughter was in three car accidents while doing drugs. Even after we took her car use away, she found idiot "friends" who let her drive their cars. She owed one lady $15,000 from one accident and continued to owe it even after she was clean. Her father finally paid the lady off when he believed she had truly quit (it was obvious by her lifestyle and her new sense of responsibility and work ethic). If she hadn't quit, she'd still owe it and probably never pay it and maybe have ended up in jail. As it is, it's a miracle she never did go to jail. SHe was on parole twice. You did the right thing, in my opinion, to make your son, who is now a grown man, leave. It doesn't matter if he has dyslexia, bipolar, schizophrenia or anything else. If he is disrespectful to you in your house, refuses to get any treatment, breaks the law in your supposed safe haven, and makes you miserable under your own roof it is, in my opinion, time to cut the cord. Trust me, he'll be back. Sadly, but predictably they do call us eventually, usually when they are in serious trouble and need us to rescue them with money, bail, etc. They never call just to find out how we are doing. We are their ATM and their "mommy." We rescue them...until we stop. A 23 year old doesn't need a mommy. At his age you and him should have an adult-to-adult relationship and you should not have to support him. He is old enough to serve our country, drink, get a job, go back to school, cut out the illegal drugs, and do it all himself. Instead he found an older woman who is no good, by the way, and wants HER to take care of him. I'm sure she will attach a price to her "kindness" and that is when you will hear from him again. I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare, but we are always here, 24/7, 365 days a year and you can always find somebody who will "talk" to you over the hard stuff. Many of us have been through it and are alive and happy and living good lives as we learned how to take care of ourselves and love ourselves and refuse to accept abuse from anybody, even our grown children. You can be one of the happy people too. It's time to enjoy your life, spend quality time with your loved ones who appreciate your kind heart and give your pleasure, do those hobbies you've neglected, take that vacation you've put off because "what if Junior needs to be rescued?" and have do all those things you've wanted to do but put on hold for parenting reasons. You do not have to be this man's mommy anymore. It is kind and compassionate to let him grow up and write his own story without your interference and rescuing. Hey...let's face it. We won't be around forever and they had better learn to live their lives without us. Huggles to you and your hurting heart. I hope you can find something peaceful about today. Have you ever gone to an Al-Anon meeting? That saved me when my daughter was doing drugs. Literally. The help, the camaraderie and just not being alone. There are support groups for people like us. You deserve to treat yourself to one and learn how to cope and even enjoy your life even if you have a struggling man as your child. Oh, yeah. YES, change all your locks. If he tries to break in, call the cops and get a restraining order. You don't want him to hurt you or anyone else who lives there. I also suggest going low contact with him...do not answer the phone if he calls unless you are in the mood to be strong against his guilt and persuasive skills and if he gets disrespectful to you over that phone or while texting, gently hang up and don't look at the phone again for a day. If necessary, put it in a drawer. Yes, I've done it...lol :) [/QUOTE]
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Kicked my 23 yr. old son out - was I wrong?
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