Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Kicked my 23 yr. old son out - was I wrong?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 648473" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Perfect response. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I needed to hear this, today.</p><p></p><p>I pretty much need to hear this, everyday.</p><p></p><p>One of the moms here described this as "sitting on her lips."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>COM has hit on the key to regaining our sanity. We need to give ourselves permission not to act on our feelings. One of the best ways I know to do this is to give ourselves time. Sometimes, I say it to myself just like that: "You have time. You do not need to decide anything right this minute."</p><p></p><p>It is also helpful to recognize and name it when we are in that place Recovering Enabler calls FOG. There is something strengthening about having a name for those panicky feelings that happen when things have gone badly wrong. FOG is a simple enough term that I can remember it and apply the name to the overwhelmingness of the feelings. That way, I have a separation from them. Once I have a little separation, I am no longer responding out of panic.</p><p></p><p>Or horror.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is heartbreakingly true. Accepting it involves accepting that our situations are what they are. That is what is hard about emergency situations. The bad things we were so afraid of happen. The story becomes ever darker. The reality of what is happening to your child, of who your child has become, can no longer be denied. I think (for me, anyway) that is the unreasonableness underlying those feelings that we have to do something, anything.</p><p></p><p>We are trying to change things back, for our child.</p><p></p><p>We are trying to bring them back, like the life they chose was some weird mistake that is going to be okay, now that they see that the bad things we told them might happen actually did happen.</p><p></p><p>The legend of Isis is like that. The son has been dismembered. The mother devotes eternity to searching for the pieces. But even a goddess cannot turn back time or change what is. </p><p></p><p>And you know what happens to Isis.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"...not participate in his disease."</p><p></p><p>This is legitimate, COM. A legitimate response to all the things motherlove would have us do.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a healthy place from which to examine the strange situations our difficult child children present.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is key.</p><p></p><p>You did nothing wrong. Genetics plays its part in what happens to our kids, but it is drug use and eventually, the addiction that attends it, that destroys the delicate chemical balance in their brains and changes their personalities.</p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for that. Though we grieve the loss of our children, there is not a way for us to change what is.</p><p> </p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 648473, member: 17461"] Perfect response. Yes. I needed to hear this, today. I pretty much need to hear this, everyday. One of the moms here described this as "sitting on her lips." COM has hit on the key to regaining our sanity. We need to give ourselves permission not to act on our feelings. One of the best ways I know to do this is to give ourselves time. Sometimes, I say it to myself just like that: "You have time. You do not need to decide anything right this minute." It is also helpful to recognize and name it when we are in that place Recovering Enabler calls FOG. There is something strengthening about having a name for those panicky feelings that happen when things have gone badly wrong. FOG is a simple enough term that I can remember it and apply the name to the overwhelmingness of the feelings. That way, I have a separation from them. Once I have a little separation, I am no longer responding out of panic. Or horror. This is heartbreakingly true. Accepting it involves accepting that our situations are what they are. That is what is hard about emergency situations. The bad things we were so afraid of happen. The story becomes ever darker. The reality of what is happening to your child, of who your child has become, can no longer be denied. I think (for me, anyway) that is the unreasonableness underlying those feelings that we have to do something, anything. We are trying to change things back, for our child. We are trying to bring them back, like the life they chose was some weird mistake that is going to be okay, now that they see that the bad things we told them might happen actually did happen. The legend of Isis is like that. The son has been dismembered. The mother devotes eternity to searching for the pieces. But even a goddess cannot turn back time or change what is. And you know what happens to Isis. "...not participate in his disease." This is legitimate, COM. A legitimate response to all the things motherlove would have us do. Thank you. True. This is a healthy place from which to examine the strange situations our difficult child children present. This is key. You did nothing wrong. Genetics plays its part in what happens to our kids, but it is drug use and eventually, the addiction that attends it, that destroys the delicate chemical balance in their brains and changes their personalities. You are not responsible for that. Though we grieve the loss of our children, there is not a way for us to change what is. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Kicked my 23 yr. old son out - was I wrong?
Top