Letting go of people who don't value us

Discussion in 'Parenting News' started by WiseChoices, Nov 3, 2019.

  1. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  2. Chasejazz

    Chasejazz Member

    "I’m learning not to devalue myself just because someone else didn’t value me."
    Best line of all.
    Good article.
    Thanks, WiseChoices.
     
  3. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    "I’m learning that I’m worth more than repeatedly being hurt by someone who doesn’t really care about me. I’m learning to trust my future and that there will be someone who’ll see me for my true worth and who’ll treat me the way I should be treated."

    I am tattooing this on my forehead.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    What an awesome article. It perfectly describes how I used to be until recently when I stopped allowing myself to be hurt.
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    I want to disagree with one tiny thing. Sometimes people just don't like us or need us or want us in the same way that we feel about them. And this does not make them bad or mean people. Nor does it mean that we are inadequate in any way. Sometimes good people have things going in that make them unavailable. And sometimes good, nice people don't feel the same way about us. And that has to be okay.

    I am somebody who is very slow to trust or to attach, who is slowly changing to be less guarded. I have had the experience of feeling very close to somebody, who reciprocated to a point, but did not want to develop a deeper friendship with me. This was hard for me, because I have put myself in the position of not needing people. I felt more comfortable being in demand rather than wanting. I did not allow myself to be hurt. With that, I disallowed so much potential for closeness.

    When it became clear that Molly was uninterested in a deeper friendship with me, I decided to not like her so much. I decided to look for flaws. This was wrong and frankly laughable.

    I used to be indifferent to whether people liked me or not. When I think about it now, the pain and suffering I feel now when I feel rejected, or wanting closeness which is not there, is a good thing. With this I know that I could possibly become close to people in a way that I could not, would not, before.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
  6. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    That is very true, Copa. I think my relationship with myself is what matters the most. When I feel good about myself, it doesn't matter so much how other people feel about me.

    I, of course, used the article to refer to my relationship with my adult children. I will always love them no matter what but I have to learn right now and respect that they don't want a relationship with me .That it is one sided. And so I need to pull away to preserve my own dignity.

    You make good points: other people are not bad for feeling about us the way they feel. In fact, their feelings have little to do with us. In the case of my kids, they just need to find autonomy and independence right now.

    If I can stay loving without compromising my own self respect, I am modeling how I want others to treat me to my adult children . The outcome is not up to me.
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List