emotionallybankrupt
New Member
I'm so tired...sad...angry.... Dunno what to do except ramble.
difficult child was emancipated a couple of months ago by marriage. The school system idiots have had great difficulty understanding what "emancipated" means. Despite multiple e-mails and recitations of law on my part, they just couldn't seem to get it...until finally this week. That's the good news. I shouldn't have any more threatening e-mails, etc., telling me what I "have to" do about my truant "child." This has been going on in various degrees for weeks. I could SOOO go after them in court if I had the energy...but I don't.
This issue, however, was tagged off with a much more critical issue. difficult child is pregnant. Still first trimester...barely. I've known only a few days. I just knew that would happen, but I didn't think it would happen yet. She has absolutely no resources to step into this but is too immature to know that. She has, however, threatened for years to do that, and had even consulted a lawyer who told her that if she did that, I would have no choice but to bring her and baby both home and, in effect, take on the responsibility for both children--in addition to the other child I have. Now, of course, since she is married (just in time, I might add--she was apparently "barely" pregnant when I signed for her to marry, but I didn't know that), I don't have that same worry, but sure do have other worries.
Married or not, she is not capable of taking this on, and unfortunatley neither am I. I've sent her some very blunt, distancing letters reminding her that I can't do it. It breaks my heart to think of alienating my own grandchild (not to mention completely cutting off my own daughter), but I am just so sure I know where all this would lead. If I maintain contact, I will eventually learn of abuse or neglect. Then I will be faced with what to do. My thinking is that if I allow myself any emotional attachment with this child, it would be excruciating to say no, although impossible to say yes to the responsibility. Even if I were difficult child's "safety net" for ONE, that wouldn't fix things, because I think she would then have ANOTHER. She claims this happened despite taking the pills just as she should, but I don't believe it for a minute. Lying comes naturally for her, and she'd said too many times before, that she was ready to have a baby and that I couldn't stop her.
I just think I have to send rock solid messages that I already have all I can handle, because it is the truth. I have also sent her some neutral information regarding her/their choices. I wish she/they would admit not being ready and give this child the opportunity of adoption, but I don't think that will happen. And HIS parents? Not much, if any, better than either of the two children who are now going to have a child of their own.
I learned yesterday that I have permanent damage in my wrist from an incident about a year ago when difficult child trapped me in a room. I'm so angry about that. I panicked and tried to push my way out (even though I didn't stand a chance, given where she stood and where I stood), and she crunched my wrist against a solid door facing. I knew at the time I was hurt, and I thought it would just heal, but I was wrong. difficult child got out of that one with no consequences at all. I didn't call the police because I knew I would just have to miss work AGAIN to be in court--and would have missed my younger child's school program in the process. And now difficult child is going to have a child of her own. It's overwhelming.
Meanwhile, my younger child can't seem to get over the latest infection and fluid in her ears. I don't know what I'm going to do. She's already had three surgeries and has such extensive scar tissue from those that we are already dealing with some permanent hearing loss. We can't get out of the circle. difficult child has absolutely no concept of the unexpected challenges that parents face.
I'm so tired. And afraid of making a critical mistake somewhere.
difficult child has shown herself to be incapable and/or unwilling to take care of a puppy. I can't imagine what is in store for this child. I did meet with the psychiatrist to ask if there are any mechanisms in place to monitor situations like this. Unfortunately, no. We have to just wait for something bad to happen. He doesn't think she will leave me alone in this either. He's warning me to get ready either for her to land on my doorstep or for human services to ask me to take custody of her child. This is going to be so hard....
difficult child was emancipated a couple of months ago by marriage. The school system idiots have had great difficulty understanding what "emancipated" means. Despite multiple e-mails and recitations of law on my part, they just couldn't seem to get it...until finally this week. That's the good news. I shouldn't have any more threatening e-mails, etc., telling me what I "have to" do about my truant "child." This has been going on in various degrees for weeks. I could SOOO go after them in court if I had the energy...but I don't.
This issue, however, was tagged off with a much more critical issue. difficult child is pregnant. Still first trimester...barely. I've known only a few days. I just knew that would happen, but I didn't think it would happen yet. She has absolutely no resources to step into this but is too immature to know that. She has, however, threatened for years to do that, and had even consulted a lawyer who told her that if she did that, I would have no choice but to bring her and baby both home and, in effect, take on the responsibility for both children--in addition to the other child I have. Now, of course, since she is married (just in time, I might add--she was apparently "barely" pregnant when I signed for her to marry, but I didn't know that), I don't have that same worry, but sure do have other worries.
Married or not, she is not capable of taking this on, and unfortunatley neither am I. I've sent her some very blunt, distancing letters reminding her that I can't do it. It breaks my heart to think of alienating my own grandchild (not to mention completely cutting off my own daughter), but I am just so sure I know where all this would lead. If I maintain contact, I will eventually learn of abuse or neglect. Then I will be faced with what to do. My thinking is that if I allow myself any emotional attachment with this child, it would be excruciating to say no, although impossible to say yes to the responsibility. Even if I were difficult child's "safety net" for ONE, that wouldn't fix things, because I think she would then have ANOTHER. She claims this happened despite taking the pills just as she should, but I don't believe it for a minute. Lying comes naturally for her, and she'd said too many times before, that she was ready to have a baby and that I couldn't stop her.
I just think I have to send rock solid messages that I already have all I can handle, because it is the truth. I have also sent her some neutral information regarding her/their choices. I wish she/they would admit not being ready and give this child the opportunity of adoption, but I don't think that will happen. And HIS parents? Not much, if any, better than either of the two children who are now going to have a child of their own.
I learned yesterday that I have permanent damage in my wrist from an incident about a year ago when difficult child trapped me in a room. I'm so angry about that. I panicked and tried to push my way out (even though I didn't stand a chance, given where she stood and where I stood), and she crunched my wrist against a solid door facing. I knew at the time I was hurt, and I thought it would just heal, but I was wrong. difficult child got out of that one with no consequences at all. I didn't call the police because I knew I would just have to miss work AGAIN to be in court--and would have missed my younger child's school program in the process. And now difficult child is going to have a child of her own. It's overwhelming.
Meanwhile, my younger child can't seem to get over the latest infection and fluid in her ears. I don't know what I'm going to do. She's already had three surgeries and has such extensive scar tissue from those that we are already dealing with some permanent hearing loss. We can't get out of the circle. difficult child has absolutely no concept of the unexpected challenges that parents face.
I'm so tired. And afraid of making a critical mistake somewhere.
difficult child has shown herself to be incapable and/or unwilling to take care of a puppy. I can't imagine what is in store for this child. I did meet with the psychiatrist to ask if there are any mechanisms in place to monitor situations like this. Unfortunately, no. We have to just wait for something bad to happen. He doesn't think she will leave me alone in this either. He's warning me to get ready either for her to land on my doorstep or for human services to ask me to take custody of her child. This is going to be so hard....
--I keep re-reading the "personal bill of rights" a counselor gave me some time ago. For this particular situation, the one that says, "I have the right to say no to demands I cannot meet," keeps jumping out at me. In my heart, I know I'm going the only way I can go.
