Losing hope

in a daze

Well-Known Member
Move on to somebody else. I like psychiatrists from university teaching hospitals. They have cutting edge information and helped me the most.

I second this. Didn't start to make progress until we switched. And make sure it's a university Clinic, as opposed to a private practice doctor with university admitting privileges.



is fearful of failure. He is talented as an actor and has had some success , but again seems to be stuck in his own head and won't or can't move forward.

I'm with you Maisy. Our son, although he has made some strides in the past year, still seems to have his head up his ###. He is constantly analyzing social situations for signs of rejection and negative thoughts against him. This is his personality disorder triggered by his learning disability.

I know. So frustrating. We've been going through this with our son for 14 years now. It's hard not to dive down into that rabbit hole with them.

I posted here a lot, I go to a Families Anonymous group, and I read a lot of books. And I went to, and still see, a therapist. That's how I coped then, and that's how I cope now.

Take very good care of YOURSELF. All my sympathy and a hug,

Daze
 

Maisy

Member
That is exactly what my son does and as a result cannot seem to take steps to get out there and make things happen. He is constantly negative about himself and fearful of rejection and judgement. He also struggles with his anger outbursts then feels tremendous remorse afterwards . Also most likely due to his personality disorder, or adhd. We are going to cut back some financial support come January due to his unwillingness to get work plus he uses our money for pot and alcohol. He will have a roof and food but that is all. So tired of all the excuses for not getting help. Half the time he has to be reminded to take his medications and he is almost 24 years old. Won't clean up his dishes, and lives like a pig. This is a very smart guy so no excuse there.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
He will have a roof and food but that is all. So tired of all the excuses for not getting help
My son has much in common with your own, and with Daze's son. While much is still the same, he is getting a little better, now that he is 28. He is less morose, more confident, more cooperative, more even-tempered, and even a little bit upbeat sometimes.

I struggle to not put my expectations on him, but unsuccessfully. Like therapy, no marijuana, etc. But it is like herding a cat.

Take care you guys.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
Interesting thing is he works out a lot and dances constantly. He is part of a Lion Dance team but it seems to be falling apart. A few times that he has jobs, he always falls apart emotionally so is fearful of failure. He is talented as an actor and has had some success , but again seems to be stuck in his own head and won't or can't move forward. so tired of all the drama.

It sounds like the fear of failure is a major issue. If he's failed at jobs in the past, it may be traumatic to be in that situation again and might be more than his ego can take. You mentioned the dance team--would he consider teaching dancing if there was an opening? If being an actor is a realistic, attainable goal and he enjoys it, maybe that is the direction in which he should go. Do you think he would consider enrolling in a performing arts school?

He's trapped in his head which is making him miserable. Our 12-year old adopted son who was born addicted to crack cocaine, doesn't handle boredom very well. He has to constantly be involved in activities or we have major behavioral and emotional problems with him. He gets trapped in his head when he has too much time to think, and it leads to so much frustration that he gets nervous, depressed, and behaves horribly--almost to the point where he's out of control. We have him involved in swimming, hockey, volunteering at the animal shelter. We're always trying to make things interesting for him. Otherwise, he gets bored and melts down.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I had missed this part. I agree with Crayola.

Where I used to be there were dance troupes, of DIFFICULT CHILDREN. They were marvelous. I danced with them, the boys and the girls, as partners. I had always wanted to recreate this idea myself, but alas, let my dance go.

These kids lived in the favelas in Rio de Janeiro, the slums in the hills that surround the city. You may have heard of them. the violence. Of course, the difficulty, the main one, of these kids was their poverty and the lack of opportunity. But many of them were truly difficult. The dancing changed them. And the mentoring by a kind and stable adult. The companionship and belonging as part of a troupe.

Last I heard some of them, now grown, were touring Eastern Europe as Tango instructors, opportunities that would have been unavailable to them had they not had dance.

Which is leaving aside the wonderfulness of dance itself, how it feels to move, and to move through life as a dancer.

I do not know how you would encourage him to do this, because it has to come from him both the wanting of it and the doing of it, the risking. But you can support him, if he brings it up and asks specifically for your help.
 

Maisy

Member
My son has been involved with acting since middle school ( he is soon to be 24), and dancing since high school. He has done professional theatre and film and won some awards. The problem is he never feels he is good enough and he struggles with getting started. It is like he needs continual affirmation in order to function. Has been this way since childhood. The theatre community can be brutal, even more than film but sometimes the camaderie can be good. It just depends on the cast and crew. My son knows we hope he gets reinvolved with the arts and he says he wants to, but it has to come from him. I have been involved with him in the past when he was young, but other than encouraging him, not much I can do. He is on an SSRI and goes to the DR. Soon so hoping she gives him something for the mood episodes and perhaps puts him back on ADHD medications though these can cause him to eye tic which would spell death for acting. Right now we are trying to cut off the money due to him not doing anything to help himself and he is also addicted to pot. Plus drinks too much. He knows that these things are not healthy but he feels pot helps his anxiety. I think it is a crutch with no healthy outcome. I hate it and I hate alcohol. Wish they were never part of the human existence.
 

Maisy

Member
I think my son has ergo phobia or fear of work. sounds funny but it is a real phobia. He is so anxious about getting a job, perfection, interacting, pressure. not sure what we should do.
 
Top